and i was like...

babe, I know that its your soul but could you bottle it up?

2012-01-25T19:13:00.000-08:00

While getting my haircut yesterday I got into an intense conversation with my stylist about life. She said something that stuck with me:

"People are only as healthy as their darkest secret."

Think about that for a second.. I have a lot of thoughts but not able to eloqently deliver them yet. to be continued...

Thine Approval On Us Shine

2012-01-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

My gauge of whether or not I'm happy in my life is if I'm in a situation where I have the ability to progress... Unhappiness comes from stagnation; stagnant emotions, stagnant job, stagnant relationship.

I realized today that the reason I am so unexplainably happy is that there are opportunities for progression in every area of my life. The excitement and hope for that is creating a deep rooted feeling of joy.

Flashback

2012-01-18T00:55:00.000-08:00

When I was a sophomore in high school I had a crush on a senior from a neighboring high school. We had mutual friends and he was dreamy and I had just grown boobs, so obviously we were perfect.

I don't know how or why this happened, but at some point in our juvenile relationship he began wearing a small green wrist band that I gave him. It was small enough to be forgettable, but Lime Greem enough for me to notice.

Only his friends and my friends knew what it meant, however, it was the deepest form of commitment that I needed. It was an unspoken display of security.

Ten years later, I am wondering how to muster that courageous naivety so as to feel secure from such a small token.

bootywurk

2012-01-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago the Dial women entered into a Diet Challenge, (wrote about it here). Midway through the competition, Kyria and I moved back to Utah and lived together. We dedicated ourselves to a very clean diet (with the exception of dates at Steak Houses) and spent our free time at the gym. For a number of reasons we kept our passes to Lifetime Fitness, which was over 30 minutes from our apartment. Everyday after school and work we would make the trek to South Jordan and spend 3-4 hours at the gym. We scoped on the regulars, got to know the trainers, took classes, etc.

We BREATHED Lifetime Fitness.

Kyria and I often look back on that time with fond memories. We didn't date. We didn't party. We went to the gym. So, with this background, you can imagine the joy we felt yesterday when we decided to return to LT together and recommitt to the best gym in the world.

I'm happy to say that since 2009 I have taken on a more realistic approach to my health, and therefore, this is not going to turn back into one of those excessive gym additions. I will say, however, after being back at Lifetime Fitness, it's a wonder any other gym is still in business.

Music

2012-01-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

I have been listening to the same songs for the past 24 hours. I think it's pretty telling of how my year is going so far.

A sexy song, a tender song, and a wedding song. Heaven help me.

Family Christmas Card

2011-12-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.jenniferdial.blogspot.com/

Family Matters

2011-12-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

My mom urged each of her children to write a paragraph about ourselves and send it to her so she could compile the Christmas Newsletter. I know, seems like a dream right? You get 350 words to write about yourself? But.. No thanks, I don't like writing about myself...

The deadline for entering our Autobiography came and went with none of us turning it in. Now, she has the liberty to say whatever she wants about me to the 3,000 people who consider us their "best friends". For my mother's tender eyes, I have maintained the image of a very kind, well spoken, successful woman. This is my warning that your Christmas Newsletter may not be the whole truth.

Merry Christmas from the Dials!

if you'll let me- i'll take care of you

2011-12-16T10:21:00.000-08:00

Guys, my emotional side is peep-toeing. Maybe it's the holiday or maybe it's the weather but I just want to love everybody. I'm not easily upset and sometimes I find myself smiling because my life is such a special thing. It's a wonderful feeling.

Realization

2011-12-11T10:53:00.000-08:00

My entire life is like that episode of sex and city where Aidan takes Carrie to the country and she makes it work.

Relationship Advice

2011-12-09T09:54:00.000-08:00

"maintain control as long as you can... because we both know once you relinquish control it will just become a s*** show"

words of wisdom from carly a williams

#firstworldpains

2011-12-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, Kyria and I were having a conversation with Matt who was saying that for Thanksgiving his grandma made Turkey AND Ham. He asked whether we preferred Turkey or Ham for Thanksgiving and Christmas.Kyria and I just looked at eachother and exchanged knowing glances because we haven't had "traditional" holiday meals in years.

Matt: "I feel spoiled because I got both. And for Christmas she will probably make both."

Kyria: "I feel spoiled because Christmas I was in Mexico and Thanksgiving I was in Belize."

That girl really knows how to shut people up.

Resolutions

2011-12-06T02:15:00.000-08:00

Guys, I have some big plans for 2012. First, let's recap. I had one big plan for 2011; get my emotions figured out. Turns out, getting my emotions figured out really means giving myself permission to feel everything at the right time and not just all at once.

In 2012 I would like MORE:
Sleep
Temple Attendance
Quality time with my friends
Homemade Sunday Dinners
Service
Trips: (NYC, Chicago, and Boston)

Live Music.

I would like LESS:
Mirrors

Breakouts
Late Friday nights
Fast food
Driving.

I would like NO:

Ex boyfriends

Fights with my sisters

Sleepless nights

Harm to my body.

Also, I would like:

The same amount of self acceptance

The same amount of yoga

The same amount of laughter.

Spotlight

2011-12-05T11:34:00.000-08:00

In April 2011 I lived alone in a beautiful apartment in downtown Austin. I slept in a bed made for three and my dog saw me naked on the daily. I was so used to being alone that I hated when someone would get in the car with me and I loved it.

Then something happened. Like, the reality of paying 2 grand a month on rent, and the fact that I slept in my closet because my bed was too big, and the ability for me to invite over whoever I wanted whenever I wanted and not have any consequences, and then there were the times when I did inevitably get lonely and I had to deal with the worst of all human emotions.

I did what I thought I would never do once Lauren, the best roommate ever, got married and was off the living market. I got a roommate.

ENTER: Carly. A transplant to Austin from New York City and before that San Diego.
Glamorous, right!?!

She met my family after 1 week. We bore our souls after 2 weeks. By 3 weeks I let her in on some of my weird eating habits. She introduced me to the Kardashians and TEVO. She thought I was smart except when I was acting stupid. She encouraged me to evaluate my relationship, my job, my happiness, etc. We talked at length about our friends and family. By 1 month in she was sleeping in my bed periodically and picking out my nail polish colors.
She's funny and girly and a carries a normal amount of insecurities. She is more socially and emotionally aware of other people than anyone I've ever met. She's my friend because she's patient and a little crazy. She listens like a champ and laughs hard. She motivated and pretty and sleeps through alarms just like me. She drives a yellow convertible and thinks it's funny when I offend people. She likes twitter, fast food, the mall, working, talking about Jesus, taking care of people, and swearing.

Guys, I've got some big plans with this one.

Self Awareness

2011-12-04T09:43:00.000-08:00

I am a full fledged, voter registered card carrying member of the clan of people over the drinking age who consider themselves adults. I have a collection of furniture, I have a Coke addiction, my opinion is valued at my job, I have a reoccurring alarm, I have friends all over the country, I travel for holidays, I am insured, I drive a fuel effecient car, my sheets are over 500 thread count, I don't bite my nails. I can't go to a social setting without having an intellectually stimulating conversation. I don't enjoy mediocre relationships.

...And, I've always wanted to profess Self Actualization and I would say I'm getting there.

Thinking

2011-12-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

"When I go out of town, I have to call it a trip because my whole life is like is a vacation"

A quote from the hardest working man I know. He slept a little, worked a lot, and enjoyed every second of it.

things my friends know about me

2011-11-29T06:58:00.000-08:00

1. when signing my name, I still dot the 'i' with a heart

2. i. hate. spoons.

3. if you ask one of my siblings who the most annoying person they know is, they will say, in unison, Elyse Dial.

4. the first 90 minutes I'm awake in the day, I am chatty and excited and joyful. After those 90 minutes, my mood is a high stakes game of Roulette.

5. my kryptonites are tall men and expensive jewerly. Even better, Tall men delivering Expensive jewerly

you know you love me, xoxo

my funny life

2011-11-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

There's a comedy club my family and I are obsessed with. It's called Comedy Sportz. There's one in Provo and one in Chicago and it seems like every time my family is together in one of those places we go see a show.

Last weekend I took some friends there who had never been. For one of the skits, they asked for an iPhone. The actors scrolled through text messages and used the texts as their dialogue. I am WAY too private about my phone to hand it over to be broadcast, but ever since then anytime I get a text message that, out of context, would make for some laughs, I laugh to myself. Some examples.

An Observation

2011-11-13T18:51:00.000-08:00

The list of things my sisters won't be allowed to do at my wedding is lengthy. I've just added two things:

1. Sing
2. Allude to ex boyfriends

Watch out SUN, it's my turn to shine

2011-11-12T08:33:00.001-08:00

Been listening to some Beyonce lately. There's a line in her song that makes me laugh because it is so outrageous; "If you leave me you're out of your mind". It also makes me laugh. Here's why:

Shortly after my 21st birthday I was in love with a beautiful man who decided that he could not continue with the plans we made. Three days after the break-up, when I was stable enough to tell my family and friends, I was driving on the freeway listening to Not As We by Alanis Morrissette and my dad called. I reluctantly answered the call hoping he was butt dialing.

"Hey, daddy!" (must...... not...... admit...... weakness......)
"Hey, babe. Your mom told me what happened. How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Well I used to think he was a smart guy but clearly he's out of his mind."

Dad, if you're helping Beyonce write music now, I'd like a song about me.

Have i said too much?

2011-11-09T23:38:00.000-08:00

at least twice a week when i am wrapping up a conversation i say, "sorry, that was an over share." not cute.

Shopping at Ikea and Forever 21 stresses me out. So many options. I would rather go to Neimans or Z Gallerie but unfortunately my time is not valuable enough to justify those stores.

if i know people's secrets, it makes it a lot easier for me to forgive them of their follies.

Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart

2011-11-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

The Couple That Doesn't Go On Ellen Together, Stays Together

2011-11-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

I'm a fan of the Kardashian family. On a scale of 1 to #TeamKUWTK I am normally a 4. So, when I heard the news of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries breaking up yesterday and I felt the need to scream, there was a problem. When I walked around the office and shared the news with my new coworkers who previously respected me, there was a problem. I turned into a crazy #TeamKUWTK fan for a second.

..And therein lies the problems associated with cultivating relationships with what I would consider fictional characters.

Now that I have calmed down, my fundamental issue lies in the fact that I believe in marriage. I believe it to be the "ideal pattern for human living". I believe that a person should marry once and make decisions with the sole purpose of maintaining that relationship.

I believe that influential people should take this charge even more fervently. Older siblings, parents, mentors, athletes, celebrities- anyone who has someone watching need to take this very seriously. The greater your sphere of influence, the better decisions you must make.

Kim and Kris- You've let me down.

Breathe Me

2011-10-31T13:51:00.000-07:00

I had two goals last week.

exercise

buy furniture

I did neither. I did, however, recover from a paralyzing illness, buy some beautiful, winter appropriate clothing (think leather, think fur, think denim. nom nom nom) make some unlikely but very fun loving friends, call my mother, beat a tough level on angry birds, sleep in on Saturday, bake winter treats, go dancing in my new city, celebrate Drake's birthday, and surprise my baby girl with her BFF.

Thursday Favorites.

2011-10-27T03:05:00.000-07:00

New York Time quoted Dallin H. Oaks to help understand Mormon Style. See the article here. “There is nothing inherently wrong about long hair or beards, any more than there is anything inherently wrong with possessing an empty liquor bottle. But a person with a beard or an empty liquor bottle is susceptible of being misunderstood.” -Dallin H. Oaks

Holiday parties coming soon. I've started shopping outfits. Including this little ditty by Suzy Chin for Maggy Boutique. Eeeeeeeekkk I die. And so will everyone when they see it!!! I think I might break it out this weekend and see where it takes me....

I love my family. I love my friends. I love the beach. In three weeks I will be on the beach with my family and friends. I'm ready. My skin is ready. My six pack is almost ready.

We Interrupt This Drake Album For A Moment To Feel Something

2011-10-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

Don't second guess your feelings you were right from the start
And I notice she's your lover, but she's nowhere near your heart
This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars
I think it's very dangerous if we do not take whats ours

And I'm winning you with words because I have no other way
I'd love to look into your face without your eyes turnin away
Last night I watched you sing because a person has to try
And I walked home in the rain because a person cannot lie

-Jaymay

admitting emotional limitations

2011-10-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I got to work 15 minutes early and I was worried that I was late. I wore blue and I wanted to wear red. I curled my hair and I wanted it straight. I couldn't remember how I had arranged my pillows and I wanted to go home and make sure they were perfect. You know, Normal feelings for a normal morning.

Walking to my desk, I stopped by the supply closet and grabbed these.

Half an hour later it had successfully turned into this.

The significance of this is that about 6 months ago my security blanket was a ball of rubber bands that I carried in my purse and pulled out while I was reducing my dependancy on medication. I have distint memories of being at dinner with friends or church or work or even driving around and there being rubber bands all over my lap because I was stressed for no reason.

One time, my therapist was trying to understand this and she asked when I felt the most anxious. The answer shocked both of us. Friday afternoons around 4:30 and Sundays. You know, the time of week when the rest of the world is feeling good. BREAKTHROUGH.

She then inquired about my dosage and I said, don't worry, I just bought a new package of rubber bands.

Online Shopping

2011-10-19T11:45:00.001-07:00

today i saw a woman get dropped of at Jenny Craig in a taxicab

2011-10-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

things the salty city does not have:
the perfect Pho place
the perfect Yoga place
the perfect Tanning place
good shoes at Nordstrom
the perfect barbeque place
the ability to stay warm year round.

guys. i swear i'm optimistic and i chose this and life could not be more in-line. but like HOW DO I LIVE?

Grateful

2011-10-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

How To Hate. by Weezy F
iOs 5
My poppa
My family having the means to travel and see eachother
The way a fake tan looks real
My bod
Candy
Coke (a-cola)
Presidential Election Excitement
Kyria and I currently being into the same music
My selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor.

Moving Day

2011-10-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

Moving again. I won't waste time blogging about it because it's all the same stuff. I will just link to old times I've blogged about moving and you can just assume that I am experiencing the same emotions.

Actually, my biggest concern with this move is that I am going to be buying hangers again. I hate buying hangers.

2011

2010

2008- Warning: I was a little dramatic back then....

2008- ....and sometimes depressed.

Musica

2011-10-10T02:33:00.000-07:00

My friend and I recently shared our individual choices for the most romantic songs ever. In light of that I am currently listening to: To Whom It May Concern by The Civil Wars.

Great, Now When People Google 'Swizz Beatz', this website will come up...

2011-10-09T10:22:00.000-07:00

Picture this: Me, dressed to the nines, on the day of my first ever Taylor Swift concert. Giddy and twitterpaided trying not to think about the cares of reality. Driving around running errands before I leave for the show. I turn on As I Am by Alicia Keys, which is definitely a top 10 album. Lesson Learned comes on. I try to push from my mind that the song was written about Swizz Beats (yikes X 75). Remembering the optimistic words of this song.

....my soul has returned, so I called it a lesson learned

And I was reminded! That as soon as you are happy again! All of your problems turn from being 'problems' to Lessons Learned! And it's like really exciting! Real life example... I was having major issues with my hair today and then I changed my part and attacked it with the CHI and then it was fixed and now I know what to do in that situation. Lesson Learned.

Happy Birthday, Dad!!

2011-10-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my idol. the love of my Mother's life, the father of my best friends, the man who taught me to hold my tongue and laugh uncontrollably and get dressed up because I am special and to wake up early and work until there were blisters on my hands.

Happy Birthday to the man who changed my life, who gave up dessert for no reason, who flew to visit just me when I was alone, who didn't know how to say anything negative, who loved to kick back and watch TV after a long day.

Happy Birthday to the greatest person I've ever known. He taught me to have self respect. He taught me to love everything. He taught me the gospel. He taught me to live life zestfully. He showed what joy meant. He showed what it looked like to love a family. He wore his heart on his sleeve and apologized regularly. He was flawed. He was imperfect. He was funny. He was at times irreverent. Miss ya P-diddy.

Tales of a Beautiful Nomad

2011-09-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

There's a large part of my mind that believes that I only need a job to pay for my personal trainer, I only need a husband to pay for plastic surgery, I only need children to dress them in Burberry and I only need to live in Utah so I can wear fur to church. I try to fight that woman with her shallow desires. She costs a lot and doesn't eat very much.

Shingles

2011-09-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

Remind me later to tell you about all the insane things going on in my life. In the meantime, a good Laugh for your monday morning.

Tainted

2011-09-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

So your smile is already a little hard to muster and you go to your happy place and there's your ex boyfriend shopping accessories by himself but undoubtedly shopping for his wife. You have to avoid the section because the last conversation y'all had ended with him crying and you checking the time and so, to maintain my reputation, oh and dignity, I go to shoes.

What's he buying her? Gosh, I hope it's her birthday because if he's buying her one of those "I-Just-Wanted-To-Show-You-How-Much-I-Love-You-On-A-Saturday-Afternoon" gifts, I might just melt to stone.

Just, Like, Take a Look Mate

2011-09-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

Remember my best friend in the whole world?

Remember how she's the hottest thing in the whole world?

My Weekend

2011-09-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

There were tears. There were fights. There was laughing. And no matter what is happening in our lives, we feel okay.

Perspective

2011-09-17T16:37:00.000-07:00

If you've recently quit your career because you didn't like the person you were becoming and you're looking for validation as to why you would need to do that, go see the new Sarah Jessica Parker movie.

Overcome

2011-09-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

I originally wrote this post on August 17th but felt like it was an over-share. Then, today, I was reading my last entry about my dad and realized how contrived it felt, knowing what I really wanted to say and knowing that I'd already written it but was embarrassed. This is the honest truth:

Yesterday I spent most of my energy thinking about my dad. As we approach the month in which we lost him, I find myself feeling like time has flown.

I know how most people view death, so let me clarify- this is a positive post. I very rarely have sad thoughts about my Dad. There's rarely a day when I sit down and ask myself "Why?". Generally, and yesterday was no exception, I felt grateful for my strength, grateful for my mom, grateful for friends who have not known what to say and stayed silent but stayed present.

I feel like I have dealt like many would. I have taken medication, I have turned to the Lord, I have slept in and eaten twinkies and gained weight and lost weight and fought and cried and shut people out and let them back in and shared my thoughts and swore while no one was around and swore while people were around and moved and changed and evolved and tried to forget and tried to remember... And now I'm breathing.

I'm sure there will continue to be pain. I don't expect to ever "get over" this. I tried that, and I ended up avoiding my reality. Instead, I acknowledge that I will always have this as a battle scar. I surround myself with people who do not judge or misunderstand my grief or suffering.

I, just like you, was dealt cards that are hard enough so I can struggle, but easy enough that I have the chance to win.

Pardon My French

2011-09-09T23:56:00.000-07:00

I ran into a friend recently who I haven't seen for some time. She asked how my family was doing since my Dad's passing. "Isn't the year mark coming up?", she asked. I looked down at my wrist as though my watch would say "September 15" or "Not September 15"."Yeah, it's coming up," I responded, as though she had reminded me."Aw."I was impressed at how I maintained my composure. I was able to let her believe she had reminded me. I won't be here. I will have my head in the clouds. I've kept it together for 365 days. Kept it together for my job, my family, my relationship. I deserve that day.

Love Affair

2011-08-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

Have I been listening to Tha Carter IV since five minutes after it became available to the general public?

Yes.

So sue me. Little Tunechi 4life.

It's my blog and I can say what I want to

2011-08-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

I've taken on a part time nannying job for a bit to fill my time, make some money, and remind myself how much I love my mother. The children I watch all have very dynamic personalities. Most dynamic, ironically, is the second child. She has an older brother and a younger sister, both very close to her age. She seeks attention, validation, control, and acceptance. We will just call her Elyse. Bless her sweet soul.

I swear when I am hanging out with her it's like watching a home video of myself. Seems ridiculous that a child can be so independent yet needy and likeable while manipulative. I'll stop talking before I divulge more of my complex genetic makeup.

Bless my mother and father who talked me into acting normal since age 6, and taught me that if you don't like something about yourself you have the power to change it. And bless my future husband who gets to love mini-me's.

Friday Favorites

2011-08-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

Favorite song: Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammer

Favorite reason to get out of bed: Morning jog with my sisters

Favorite iPhone app: Instagram.

Favorite time waster: Gilmore Girls season 6, Thank you Lauren!

Favorite Book: To The Rescue by: Heidi S. Swenson, Thank you, Mom!

Favorite Human: Carly A. Williams. (Note: The twinkies and cheesecake at my Birthday Party secured this title. Try and call me high maintenance.)

A Selfish List To Pass The Time

2011-08-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

Things charming about me:

the ability to see life from different angles

my hair seventy percent of the time

Things not charming about me:

my Superiority Complex

my love for Dwayne Carter

Self Aware

2011-08-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

In my mind there is this perfect me with perfect balance. An equilibrium of emotion, free time, exercise, quality time with loved ones, breathing, hard work, pondering, cooking, cleaning, laughing, relaxing, reading, and serving. She is older than I am, but has my current figure... and a six-pack.

These are some photos of what her world might look like.

Adulthood At A Glance

2011-08-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

At 16 I started kissing boys and stopped wearing overalls.
At 17 I stopped going to High School and started running.
At 18 I started college and stopped studying.
At 19 I stopped spending money frivolously.
At 20 I thought everyone over the age of 22 was the next Mr. Elyse Dial.
At 21 I started traveling for sport.
At 22 I stopped biting my nails and started practicing yoga.
At 23 I stopped sleeping more than 7 hours a night and started paying someone to listen to me.
At 24, TBD...

Highway ride

2011-08-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

I like to drive. Usually there's a destination. Somedays I wish there wasn't. I wish I had the capacity to just keep going; drive somewhere new, do something different, find a place to sleep and find a place to eat and then come home when it feels right. Mumford doesn't have enough music for where I need to go or the time I'd like to pass.

Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

2011-08-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

He is so funny and thoughtful and charming. He makes me feel comfortable just because he is with me. Every part of me belongs to him. Spending all my time with him is natural and leaving him hurts me. I know more about his mind and heart than I know about anyone else, maybe even my own. Sometimes I forget that we are just two young people figuring out a young relationship and instead I feel like we are neck deep in forever.

Thinking...

2011-07-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

Self Righteous is a word that rolls off my tongue about as easily as lettuce dipped in vinegar. bleh blah give me some water to wash it down. I have such a hard time finding compassion or relating to people who feel this type of superiority over their peers. I can hope I don't fall prey to this disgusting trait, and if I ever do, I hope someone gives me a well-meaning, but forceful, broken leg.

Dear Dad

2011-07-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

I miss your perspective. Simple. Rational. You see the world as black and white. Wrong and right.

You make no excuses.

You love my silly moods.

You love my mom and my sisters and brothers in a way I can't recreate.

You never got sick. You never slept a full night and you worked harder than the President and you never stopped.

You surprised me with your wit.

You surprised me when you were spendy. Thrifty was your way and thrifty was fun.

'Darkness' is a harsh term don't you think?

2011-07-13T06:21:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to a lot of Mumford And Sons this week. Usually when I go through phases of music this intense it is because I relate to the theme of the songs or albums. This time is no different but I wouldn't consider the album "Sign No More" relatable. I would, however, consider it emotional, uncertain, confused, and in love. Filled with key changes and songs that go from Michael Buble to Marilyn Manson in 15 seconds flat.

So, for me, relatable.

Lessons In Domestication

2011-07-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

On Sunday mornings the, then, 5 Dial kids would one by one make our way into Mom and Dads bed for a tickle and cuddle session. I remember my Dad called Kyria a cuddle bunny and my 11 year old mind felt an emotion close to jealousy. This particular day my Dad got up first and went to get ready. He went into the Laundry room to iron his shirt. He suggested I follow him, which I never ignore, to this day. In the next 10 minutes he taught me a lesson that, until recently, I thought was a large waste of time. He taught me how to iron a dress shirt.

Yesterday, while ironing before church, I recalled those 10 minutes. I felt joy knowing that I don't have much to give, but thanks to that lesson I was able to do something for the man who's shirts I will always want to iron.

First Of Many

2011-07-01T05:11:00.000-07:00

Ever so sweet.

Puberty was a long time ago

2011-06-28T05:31:00.000-07:00

Summer 2010. Elyse was spendy. Very spendy. I was also vain. Vain enough to get a facial twice a month. My skin has never been so happy... my pores never so minimized.

But, that was not cost efficient. So now, I have the issue of enlarged pores and sad skin. Until of course, yesterday when I invested in Patricia Wexler's Glycolic Peel, very similar to what Carly used (last summer's esthetician).

That just added a big fun exciting loop to the roller coaster that is my emotions.

Monday Blues

2011-06-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

Grateful that a black blazer always makes me look better. Hair grows. The gospel brings peace and love and better clarity and understanding of each day. My sisters are grateful for me, too. I have a smart man to knock sense into me and send me into fits of giggles. It's so warm out it sizzles and I love it. Come three weeks I will be in Mexico visiting the best children I know. Contingent upon my faithfulness, my family is eternal. I have an amazing responsibility and opportunity to look after people who think I am very well put together. Yoga. Ice cream. Leopard print. Sharing my cable bill with someone else.

MUSIC

2011-06-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

Matt Nathanson came out with a new album. If you are a #cheapskate and only get one song, make it be "Run" feat Jennifer Knettles and Kristian Bush. Yes. Sugarland.

If today is payday and you've got that Friday jump in your step go ahead and splurge for "Kiss Quick".

If you're offended by the insinuation that you cannot afford an $11.99 album, and you would prefer something more upbeat than the two sappy songs I suggested, go ahead and splurge. It's called Modern Love. Thank me later.

The Girl From Ipanema

2011-06-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

In my current yoga practice I am working on my headstand. The headstand requires strength, balance, patience, and focus. Hence, why I've waited a year to overcome this pose, I lack all of those.

Today, I made an interesting correlation with my headstand practice and my life. When I am preparing to stand on my head, I situate my hands in the right position to create a cradle, and a secondary source of balance. I choose to focus on only the things that are happening in my immediate presence. My hands are flat and stable..... My head is on the ground.... My eyes are focused on one immobile object.... My stomach is firm and secure.... Every muscle is engaged.... I steadily lift my legs from the ground. The focus goes back onto my body. I stare at one point. I reengage my muscles. As my legs rise I refocus, retighten. I hold my gaze and point my toes. I am in utter bliss. I am in control. For those moments, there is nothing that I can imagine taking this moment from me.

And then something breaks in. A thought, an insecurity, or a fear. And just as suddenly my balance flees along with my control and I am on the floor. It happens too fast to even remember what broke my concentration but it doesn't matter. All I know is I fell and I need to get back up.

Keep It Fresh.

2011-06-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Anna Wintour appropriate version of me.

The hippie version of me.

The Hamptons version of me.

The adorable red headed version of me.

The bread business version of me.

Emoticons

2011-06-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

Black+Blue. CPerri. <3.

2011-06-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

we call nikka the pretty dial. if you would like to know why, take a look at my friend kristen's blog and you will see why.

Nikka, High School Grad

p.s. Kristen, can you make me look like that? HELLO, I'm trying to get married over here!

What's the opposite of a silver tongue?

2011-06-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I had a speech impediment that prohibited me from cowwectly pwouncing my "R's". At this time, my Dad was applying for a software sales job at Word Perfect. We were living in Arizona so he sent in a video for the initial interview (Bachelorette Style). The video complimented his resume by saying, "Hey, I'm charasmatic and likable!" To show his sense if humor and family-centered personality, he ended with a shot of his oldest daughter saying enthusiastically, "My Daddy Wants to Wowk for Wowd Pewfect Wwwwweally Bad."

We laughed about that for years and my dad would facetiously give me credit for the subsequent job offer and move to Texas. I am now realizing that really this was the beginning of me getting away with saying ridiculous things and still maintaining my street cred.

#bornthisway

2011-06-14T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm loving this adorable picture of Kyria, Nikka and Myself.

miss you

2011-06-10T00:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't remember how we embraced. Did we hug when I walked in the door like I do to everyone now, or did that come about because you left and I need affection on all sides? I asked mom and she spoke about your "bear hugs" but I don't remember. I don't really want to hear that. I want to figure it out on my own. I want to keep my memories together and if they are inaccurate please don't tell me because memories aren't tangible and if they were I would lock them up. I don't mean to sound so... however, I am sounding. I just don't want to think about this anymore.

Maybe then we will remember to slow down at all our favorite parts...

2011-06-09T03:33:00.000-07:00

My life is not hard. In fact, it is great compared to so others. I know that people think this about me and I'm here to say I agree.

Sometimes, however, life hurts. Today, my heart hurts because I feel physical pain as a result of emotional pain. Perhaps this is because I enjoy my life so much and so often that any deviation from my normal serendipity and joy abrupts in such a way that emotional pain does not suffice..

A rainy day in San Diego hurts worse than a rainy day in Portland.

this is about me

2011-06-06T20:38:00.001-07:00

Listening to: Time's A Wastin' by Johny Cash and June Carter
Feeling: hot. i think my air conditioning is taking a vacation
Craving: silly love and ice cream

Fake it til you make it. Or until everyone believes you and stops asking questions.

2011-06-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

My mom tells stories of the home she grew up in. Full of love and strong personalities and swapped maternal roles and store bought dinners. I believe her, but to me, Grandmas home was magical. So close to the beach that it smelt like salt water. Windows and doors open, classical music playing. There was a closet of shoes and endless Tic Tac boxes all over the place. There was a little hideaway above the garage and I never knew if it was called the "craft" or "crap" room. I just avoided saying either for fear of being wrong. She had a freezer outside with ice cream and a plum tree in the backyard. It could sleep 100 people easily. There was a room devoted to music and another devoted to tacky furniture. It was my home when Texas wasn't and it was where my mom scraped her knee and brought my dad to meet the family and the address she had memorized. It was her home so it was mine too.

wake up call

2011-06-01T16:33:00.000-07:00

Woke up today and my body was yelling at me. I hate when it does that. Resting is not my strong point. So long as I take something, blog, and have the television on, I can relax. I hate that my health is based off the amount of sleep I get. I also hate that the amount of sleep I get is based on my anxiety. All in all, time for these habits to change.

I'll Be Superstitious For Today

2011-05-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

Here is my future, courtesy of Kyria and Rachel. There was some kind of code that was about as accurate as MASH in 4th grade is proving to be... The left column, however, represents happy joy love money with my favorite person in the world so I am apt to believe them for this game.

Jim Croce Songs

2011-05-24T03:15:00.000-07:00

I think I was the only person in the fifth grade who knew every word to American Pie and Don't Mess Around With Jim. This was with purpose. While all my other friends were being polluted by Shaggy (banging on the bathroom [door] was the Dial home version), I was learning what Dirges were and not to spit in the wind.

So grateful for those Saturdays at the lake, burning in the sun and snacking on a lunch we had packed, memorizing the words to old songs. There was a story to every song- and most stories ended with, "and that's why you don't play with fire."

Another Day at 2.0

2011-05-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

I saw my mother today for the first time in 5 days today. The first thing she said I cannot repeat. The second thing she said is we need to get the black heads off our noses. Next, she asked if I would be here to help dig the trench. I tend to answer in the affirmative always, so I cancelled my Monday night DVD in bed plans, and committed. For the next 30 minutes as I am filling her in on the conversational, uncomplicated details about my life (hair, nails, bread) there was a constant reminder of this trench that was in our future. She said she needed it to fix the Internet and that it was important I help because it was the big Family Night activity.

I began to relay the history of manual labor in our family; laying slate tile at 14, shoveling sand on Christmas at 16, walking uphill both ways in the snow without shoes, etc... Nikka gave me pity. We laughed, we cried, I expressed jealousy of Nikka for being raised on the tail end of the Dial day labor organization. To prove she can hold her own she said "Okay, Mom, tell me the details of this 'trench' so we can get started."

Mom: "It needs to be at least 3...... inches deep."

Four people looked at her in amazement. Nikka said, "Alright, let's go dig our bird bath."

MMS

2011-05-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

ONE:

My dear sweet mother texted me yesterday and said " 'Scoggin500 :) :) :)' WHAT DOES THIS MEAN".
I texted back the word happy, because that's how I feel.

TWO:

Kyria texted me today and said "Is this a joke? If so you should really hash tag it."
That's right. The unlearned knows what a hash tag is.

THREE:

A restaurant here in Austin texted me a picture of a too small wheat bun. And I cared. No, not just cared, I made a fuss about it. This is the point where my job gets into my blood.

Welcome To The Bread Business

2011-05-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

At what age do adults stop asking, "What time do you get off?"...

Like a job is just something that begins and ends. This ain't Jamba Juice, this is my life.

Don't Count The Miles

2011-05-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

I still remember the feeling I had the first time I heard Ingrid Michaelson sing. I was in New York City on vacation. I was on a treadmill in my hotel and she was on Regis and Kelly. I stopped the run because I was blown away. It wasn't anything remarkable, it was, however, fresh. I wondered why no one had thought of her songs before her.

That's the same feeling I'm having listening to Christina Perri. You've heard her song "Jar of Hearts". What you haven't heard is the versatility of her music on the full album. Download "Miles", "Bang, Bang, Bang", and the "Arms" video.

Welcome To The Bread Business

2011-05-12T19:52:00.000-07:00

At what age do adults stop asking, "What time do you get off?"...

Like a job is just something that begins and ends. This ain't Jamba Juice, this is my life.

2011-05-09T22:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,

Here is your only sneak peek.

Looks like you'll have to come over to see the finished product.

XOXO,

Momo

I'm The Hero Of This Story

2011-05-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

Learning an important lesson of humility this weekend. I don't know why it took so long to recognize that the world doesn't stop because I ask it to. Thank you to Regina Spektor, a frustrating coworker, and an honest man for teaching me this lesson.

Today I Want To Wear A Sign That Says

2011-05-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

"Because I'm ELYSE MIKEL DIAL, that's why!!"

2011-05-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a meeting today with more women than I've interacted with my entire time in my career; 5. 20 men. Pardon as I generalize.

Men like to be right. Women like to be heard. Men say it once and assume that will suffice. Women beat the horse dead and then bring it up twice more. Men are right- Women are emotionally driven. Women are right- Men are simple minded. Is one better? No. Do Women complicate everything? Yes.

Don't badger the generalization. Embrace the candor.

For Dessert I Got A Stomach Ache

2011-04-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

Every other time I see my mom she comments on an alleged figure reduction. I try to ignore it but enough is enough.

I am confessing. For dinner I had old Peeps and sour patch kids and washed it down with a milk shake.

I couldn't hold it in any longer, Mom. I eat like a child and now it's out for everyone to see.

Focus On One Spot And Breathe

2011-04-27T18:25:00.000-07:00

I have moved 13 times since 2004. Saturday marks the 14th. Don't believe me? Neither did I, I re-counted 4 times.

Each move brings the same internal conversation.

"WWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYY!!!!!????"
"Because you chose this, you idiot. You said you needed a change. You wanted new furniture and a new bed and new setting. You wanted a new view and you wanted to spend a nasty amount of money buying things for a new place you will move from in a blink."
"Oh, right."

I am freakkkkking out.

2011-04-24T01:52:00.000-07:00

It was just he and I at the lake. Standard operation. He backs the trailer in and I drive the boat off. I was 20 and he thought it was well part of my maturation to know how to pull a boat trailer. He suggested I take over. "Just swing wide," he said.

I went wide alright. So wide, in fact, that I somehow clipped the side of a dumpster with the passenger side of the trailer and drug it 8 feet.

It caused damage. It cost money to repair. It took maneuvering to get the boat back on the trailer. And as I apologized to my dad, he told me I was better prepared than before. His compassion for my imperfections trickled into every experience we had. He isn't hasty and quick to blame like men are want to be. He sees me as extremely capable and is surprised anytime I failed.

Me me me memememeMeeeme

2011-04-22T13:44:00.000-07:00

Being young and single and having sole access to a bank account and cooking (reheating) for one is a strange thing. So is sleeping alone in a bed built for two and planning weekends in Houston by myself and entertaining myself in the middle of the night. It's abnormal actually. Narcissistic.

This thought derived from the most self absorbed thought I think I've ever had. While looking at my blog stats I thought, "wow, that's how many people did something good today by reading what I have to say." Dear Me, REALLY?!? You equate people reading this website to doing something good for the humanity? Maybe if it was full of quotes from Martin Luther King and President Monson... Yeah. But Drake and Taylor Swift? No.

I have an outlet and a sharp mind and I choose to talk about yoga and bread and my hair and my dad and my relationships. I need a reality check and a slap in the face.

Girl, you deserve nothing but the best

2011-04-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

Today was a premium reminder that stress, worry, fear, and over consumption are all futile. I was reminded of a lesson I've been learning, a song I've been singing, a soap box I've had both feet on for years.

Everything Will Be Alright. Not some things. Not the easy things. EVERYTHING. And now I have the Killers song stuck in my head. And also a Jesse McCartney song. Because multitasking is my mind's favorite trick.

I had a dream

2011-04-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

I was watching you from afar. I felt close enough to touch, but you couldn't see me. I stayed quiet in case you heard me. I was watching your thoughts and they were all about me. I was confused about the distance. I didn't know how it changed so dramatically. I was scared to be so far.

Real Talk

2011-04-17T20:30:00.000-07:00

Because deep down we really just want someone to tell our secrets to and listen and laugh at the same things and have the same sleep schedule, but we don't want to feel that pain in your gut when you're not sure.

We want to be humble and happy but we don't want to have to change or sacrifice.

We don't want to be the only one left alone but we don't want to be the one to stand up, give up our habits, cook dinner, share the remote and forgive repeatedly.

The Smell Of Unscented Hand Soap

2011-04-15T15:44:00.001-07:00

When I was 8 years old, my best friend got a headache. We were playing at my house and she had to lay on the couch with a wet rag to wait until her mom could pick her up.

6 hours later I was visiting her in the hospital after she had suffered a stroke leaving the left side of her body immobile. I remember seeing her family very concerned. I remember the hospital room was bigger than in the movies. Bigger than the room I visited my mother in 2 years prior when Nikka was born. I remember everyone sent flowers and balloons and the room was pugent. The scents didn't match and it bothered me.

She lay there so helpless. I felt so helpless. I just sat and watched her. She was a completely different person. To explain a stroke my parents used the example of my Nana, who suffered the same fatality. I couldn't associate my best friend with my Nana. So she will become Cranky and fragile? 8 years old. I couldn't wrap my small mind around sickness, death, mortality. So young and niave. Tragedy is so abnormal to me. Something that effects other people. Something I shouldn't have to spend time with.

Random Thoughts

2011-04-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

Music doesn't help. Work doesn't help. Yoga helps but it's only 70 minutes. Family helps but they have lives. Speaking at church on Sunday. The only thing I have planned so far is the title; Life Is Hard. I want to be gone this weekend but I have commitments. I'm feeling very nonjudgmental today. Except I feel irritated at people who are judgmental so that is wrong. Where will I live? What's for breakfast? How is it the middle of April? If the weather was bad I wouldn't be okay. Luckily April in Texas is heavenly.

Small talk. Work and the weather.

I WANT SOMEONE TO READ THIS SO EVERYONE WILL STOP THINKING I AM SO OKAY

2011-04-12T04:53:00.000-07:00

Can't stop thinking about that day. So normal. Chipotle for lunch. Wore black and brown to be defiant. The look on my moms face. The tears in my brothers eyes. The way the room spins. It was the closest I've ever been to Hollywood. So dramatic. So awkward. There were dirges playing in my mind. There have been dirges Playing since then

NOW PLAYING

2011-04-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Another Home For Henri. An ABC Family Original Movie starring me and my all white mutt. A tale of a normal girl turned crazy by being awoken at 2 am to scratching and yelping, coming home to half eaten loaves of bread and Crisco packages.

A dog so talented that the only safe place for the chocolate is above the refrigerator... In a safe... From Fort Knox...

So... Anyone interested?

Come. Back.

2011-04-06T05:26:00.000-07:00

No one expected anything from me on that day. Everyone expected the repeated panic attacks in my bathroom or in the car or at the service. It was normal on that day. They expected the words out of my mouth to be fake and abrupt. They expected me to not eat anything. No one wondered how I was doing because the answer was evident in my eyes. And in my shoes. And my words. And in what we had just endured. It felt okay to be sad but also to laugh and enjoy the day because it was Saturday and the weather was nice and all my friends and family were together. I wasn't tired because I associated sleeping with being scared and alone which I was avoiding. People kept offering me medicine but I refused because it felt so normal to feel this way. Normal to cry and then laugh and then lose concentration midsentence and to get short of breath while sitting still.

And, today, that behavior is not acceptable.

Suffocating in the Sarcasm

2011-04-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

Listening to One and Only by ADELE on repeat. So sappy. Thanks to Miss. Dew for her tweet which reminded me to get the new Adele album which has made it impossible to listen to ANYTHING else for the last week. She is just describing love exactly how I would if I were eloquent. Just the same way that Taylor Swift sings about all her insecurities and speaks to my soul. What happened to me that I am no longer satisfied with a beat, bass, and obscene lyrics?

Friday Tender Mercies

2011-04-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

Woke up with clear skin. Miraculously.
Woke up next to Nikka. Miraculously.
Listening to Thank Me Later, which wasn't possible for the past month.
Going back to my second home today; the state of my maturation, the place where my original best friends and my man and my grandma reside.
The sun is back after a 4 day moratorium.
Bought a pair of size 6 pants yesterday.
My dog only ate one cotton ball this morning. Miracle.

It's not creepy if it's you

2011-03-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

I am facebook stalkling myself. Pictures. I smile in every picture so as I look at those pictures I try to recall the actual emotion associated with the smile. There are clues. My surroundings. If the picture was taken in my apartment you know the smile is extremely fake. If it was taken any where near 6th street, you know I am trying to supress something. Other clues, the subjects. If I am with my family the smile is real. If I am wearing black, the smile is fake. If it was taken in October or November chances are I couldn't give you many details. If my eyes are red, it's because I just emerged from my closet. If it's from last weekend the smile is real. If I'm wearing spandex, it's fake. If I'm not smiling, chances are you won't see those pictures up at all. Gotta keep up appearances....

and they said SPEAK NOW

2011-03-29T05:32:00.000-07:00

I talk too much
Especially about my hair and bread and my relationship

I envy my mom for her youthful eyes and her big house

I want both of my sisters to live in my 800 square foot apartment with me.

I think yoga changed my perspective on exercise and my body

The jovial part of me comes alive at Friday around 3 pm.

You Weren't Expecting This

2011-03-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

Admittedly, I am sitting outside writing this. I usually wrap up my day on the computer and it is just so beautiful that I decided to make all my calls and check my email outside. I am halfway in the shade so the sun is beating on my black shirt but there's still a breeze. I couldn't ask for any better weather for my favorite day of the week. My hair is up which usually makes me a little weary but it is fitting for this day. At any moment I could jump into a pool or the lake. I began thinking about Summer in Texas yesterday and it made me kind of uneasy but then I remembered that for most of the year it is blissful, and only painful for a short time.

Weather changes everything. I can see the reflection of myself in my computer screen and my bronzer is glimmering. I can't get over how great this is. I can't see how anyone could be unhappy. Life is stressful and mind-numbing but sometimes you just need to sit outside in the sun and count your blessings.

Too Much Noise

2011-03-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

We hardly ever listened to the radio in the car. There was no time, we had too many conversations to have. Too many thoughts to share. Too many questions and stories. Even on long, early trips to Houston for work, we would talk work or travel, inventions or potential business ideas. I almost feel like the ingenious part of me, the creative-risk taker part of me died with you. I haven't thought about anything like that recently.

I loved seeing you relaxed. Coming over to my apartment to get dinner together and you were early and you would lay down on my couch and tell me a funny story from the drive over. Or when you'd come up and visit me at school and you'd get up at 4 and work 5 hours so by the time I got up all your work was done and we could laugh.

You were so quietly capable. You had no specific talent, just an ability to work hard and get things done. Without you around it's amazing the things that we have to make up for.

You always made me feel loved. You always made me feel protected. Safe. Cared for. Funny. Beautiful. Righteous.

2011-03-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

Eclipse Polar Ice Gum. The kind with the annoyingly loud package that is not conducive to a quiet church service. That's what it was today. I saw the package of gum in your office that no one has touched. The package has one piece left. You left it there on a Wednesday morning thinking you would come back the next morning and finish out the package. Unless you knew. I wonder if you had any inkling. Would you have told us if you did? Would it have helped?

I didn't think to take the gum. I felt like if I kept it untouched it would preserve that day and maybe I would wake up and it will be next year and this actually didn't happen. I'm mad at myself that I think like that still.

Controllable Plans

2011-03-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

Things to do in the next 5 years:
Own a home
Expand Family Service International
Have a child

3 years:
Run a 10k
Visit Europe
Learn Spanish

3 months:
Grow out my hair
Travel somewhere with Kyria
Learn how to make homemade biscuits

The Mister and Misses

2011-03-12T04:34:00.000-08:00

I am obsessed with Mad Men. A couple months ago I was sick and watched the entire first season and then immediately followed up with the second. Life hit me upside the head with an inability to do anything but work and cry, so I took a bit of a sabbatical.

I have begun again. And this time- Season 3 is even more calmly intense, even more complicated, and even smarter. Mad Men is brilliant because it is brilliant people with some extreme talent, good fortune, and complicated pasts and relationships.

For starters- Don and Betty Draper. Individually they are complicated, confused, successful and beautiful. Together they crave to be blissful but neither is built for that. They are so vulnerable to each other that even after years of marriage they put on a good face. They aren't built for romance because of this vulnerability, so when they let go of that they are uncomfortable but hot. They are smart, charismatic, sleep deprived, stubborn, imperfect... He is adored and she is sought after. They enter a room loudly without making an audible noise. Everyone is watching their next step and not fooled by their act but still envious because inspite of their obvious defects, overt and uncalled for affairs, they are completely, totally, and abidingly in love.