Pardon My French

I ran into a friend recently who I haven't seen for some time. She asked how my family was doing since my Dad's passing. "Isn't the year mark coming up?", she asked. I looked down at my wrist as though my watch would say "September 15" or "Not September 15". "Yeah, it's coming up," I responded, as though she had reminded me. "Aw." I was impressed at how I maintained my composure. I was able to let her believe she had reminded me. I won't be here. I will have my head in the clouds. I've kept it together for 365 days. Kept it together for my job, my family, my relationship. I deserve that day.

Thinking...

Self Righteous is a word that rolls off my tongue about as easily as lettuce dipped in vinegar. bleh blah give me some water to wash it down. I have such a hard time finding compassion or relating to people who feel this type of superiority over their peers. I can hope I don't fall prey to this disgusting trait, and if I ever do, I hope someone gives me a well-meaning, but forceful, broken leg.

Soco Amaretto Lime

Today is April 14; Exactly 8 days until graduation from college. Last night I was at Target and I started reading greeting cards (that's normal. I approach Target like this - food, candy, shoes, dvds, greeting cards, and jewerly) Well there is an entire graduation greeting card section and I started thinking that this is kind of a big deal. It feels really anticlimactic because I still feel like a 16 year old girl trying to figure out where I'm going to be tomorrow and who I'm going to be with and where I will work and what eternity is. All the same things I thought about when I was 14 and 15 and 16 and now 22. I don't mean to throw myself a pity party but I think I will.

The next 8 days will be a blur. I won't make it. My family will come in town and I'll have to hide from them and people will send me money and I will have to send it back because in my version it never actually happens. In my version I stay young forever and I wish on stars and I sit with my parents as they talk to me about the future.

We are all the same

Have you ever thought how horrible the gym is? You all thought it was a place for self improvement and lifestyle changes. Wrong. The gym is a forum of people gathered together so they can look at the themselves in oversized mirrors and pretend they hate what they see. It's like you pluck all the nonjudgmental people out of the world and pull together the men and women who take a second glance at everyone they walk by to see if their thighs are bigger, regardless of gender and always leads to awkward eye contact because why would you be at the gym if not for the same purpose as the rest of them?

Don't even get me started about a Lifetime Fitness. Due to the high rates we pay for monthly dues, you not only take out the nonjudgmental group, you also knock out the lower class resulting in a group of wealthy, narcissists who have fake books and die their hair to look like mine and could handle a cheeseburger every once in a while.

How to annoy me...

become an institution called brigham young university. grr.

How to annoy me...

There's this part in Mean Girls where Queen Bee Regina George is obsessed with losing 3 pounds. She tries a variety of weight loss regimens that are proposterous and ineffective and always ends by saying "I really want to lose 3 pounds." We all laugh cause it's funny to watch someone be so unneccesarily centered around their weight loss. The curious thing about Mean Girls, and the reason it is so commonly loved is because of it's direct application to the female gender. Someday I will be in a Psychology class and I will opt to do a paper called "What We Learn About Ourselves From Mean Girls". That would require going back to school, so for now I will stick to the blog.

I decided that pet peeve # 345,789,001 of mine is the permadieters in my life. I am going to get heat for this and probably make people feel like idiots but it's on my mind. This isn't to say I don't understand. I've had my share of issues with the way my body was made and I don't know why I was lucky enough to grow out of this. The reality of the matter is that you won't be happy until you're content. And that means abandoning the stupid thoughts in your head. I won't tell y'all my secret but I will say that when you say the words, "I want to lose __ pounds", I won't be listening.

How to annoy me

Be everything I want. For some reason it is infuriating.

sore

I started running again and boy does it feel good. Okay, I'm lying. It feels like each of my appendages will all fall off in the next 24 hours. Seriously, I was on the treadmill for like 15 minutes and I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Here I am at Gold's Gym with all these total meat-heads suffocating me with their .2% body fat, running like there's no tomorrow pointing at the blond girl who is moving like Edward Scissorhands. I always feel like that at the gym. No matter how good of shape I get in I know they are staring at me. Like there is this secret plot to make me feel horrible about myself. Like they only let the women with textbook butts work out next to me. Or everyone is told to take all the normal mirrors as soon as Elyse comes in, forcing me to stand in front of the one mirror in the whole gym that makes my torso look more wide than long.

I really do love running. I love the feeling of pushing myself and accomplishing something all on my own. In fact, if I could avoid the gym and just run on an empty street without any meat-heads, or perfectly proportioned women, I would. The problem is that this is a scary world we live in full of homeless people and rapists and people walking around with baseball bats just waiting to attack the first innocent girl they see. No thank you. I will take judgement, and steroid-ridden 5-foot-tall Mexicans, little Asians with boob jobs and a gym full of people trying to test my confidence any day over the man with the bat.

Realization

Self interest makes the world go 'round. How sad is that?

How to annoy me..

Taunt me with this text message:

"New favorite past time-- eating breakfast on the beach."

Why, oh why, are my brother, sister, and father living in a Hawaiian hut this week? Why am I still here? Why is it 104 degrees outside? Whyyyyy?

how to annoy me..

Sign up for a pest control contract and then chase me down in the neighborhood saying you've changed your mind. Leave me alone. Make up your mind. And then freakin leave me alone.

How to annoy me

Eat an apple in the bathroom.

The following are NOT bathroom noises:
Sucking
Chomping
Smacking
More Sucking

How to annoy me

keep me up at night for no reason whatsoever.