my college degree
the view from my living room
the person who i am becoming
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
She used to tell me stories about myself. She would tell me about things I didn't remember; about the day I became a big sister, about the day my parents got married, about her brothers and sister. Fast forward 15 years and I get to tell her stories; about herself, about her kids, and about me.
The woman who taught me to never stop working, is now teaching me patience. She is content sitting on the patio watching humming birds for 45 minutes.
Even so, with all that has changed without her permission, what maintains is her love, her courage, and the quality I've always admired most about her- without speaking, she commands the attention of every room she enters.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Today would have been my parents 27th wedding anniversary. I say would have been because I don't know exactly how to describe the relationship because my very alive mother and my father who has passed on. Describe? Is that what I need to do? Believe. That's it. I believe they are still married I believe they still exist as a couple as well as individuals. I believe that celebrating their anniversary is still something we should all do. I also believe that when my mother remarries the man who now exists in our lives in the flesh just like the other one did that she will also be married to my Dad. My dad exists for eternity and her friend exists in our immediate present. We can all take a deep breath knowing she is happy and that life goes on after tragedy.
When I was 18 my dad wrote a song for me called "Be You." The message of the song, which I haven't listened to in 3 years, is to find out who you are and love that person, find out who God is and love Him, and to develop traits you would like to have. Lately, the answer to every question I ask myself is, "Be You."
When I was 21 I worked for my dad. He was my favorite boss because of his transparency, hard work, and integrity. He was so strong and respected but it wasn't because he was a strong armer. It was because he was smart and right. I love that. That is the kind of business woman I want to be. Smart and right. And when I'm wrong, I want to embrace the ideas of those around me to find the best solution.
All of my questions are answered by what he taught me. Sometimes I forget what he would say so I do the wrong thing. But today, I remember.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Last night I got into a conversation with a good friend about the future of our relationship. The interaction made me feel trapped and I had to end the conversation by saying, "I'm sorry, I can't willingly allow myself to complicate this relationship with any more feelings than I already have". And now, all day I have been thinking about the fact that, for me, stronger emotions equates complication. There are people who strive to fall in love because that means peace and joy and security. For me, I strive to maintain my independence because that renders peace and joy and security. Frankly, I don't believe one is wrong or right. There is a time and place for all of the million emotions I feel in a day. I care deeply for my peers, I care deeply for myself, and I care deeply for the world around me; and right now, that is where my peace lies.