Friday, November 23, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
"What?! You don't believe you can be in love?"
Out of context, albeit, we began a conversation that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. The premise of that conversation being that when you are supremely out of love, it is hard to remember what it feels like to be on the opposite side of the spectrum.
"Elyse, I've SEEN you in love. I know you know you can fall in love," he continues.
Yes. Yes. I remember the feelings, but it's just so different every time.
The problem is I've only ever felt selflessly in love once. And it was dangerous and unrequited, so I can not picture the type of relationship that I dream about. I can't picture what I will do or say or what he will want, because it's a stranger to me. In a way, I am happy about this. If I had the kind of relationship I truly want and then lost it, that would be the ultimate tragedy.
Monday, November 19, 2012
my mom. such a babe. she cracks me up. our relationship has changed quite a bit over the last couple of years and today we just have a good time most of the time. she brings out a very silly side of me, and i her, to where we end up laughing really hard a lot.
i'm so grateful for a mother who allows her 25 year-old daughter to call her Mommy, who shares my love of hotel beds and netflix, who is working really hard to not be too "matchy matchy", who listens and talks and loves hard.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
this time i'm humbled and grateful to be apart of the free world. the nation that was founded upon our ability to act, believe, and vote how we want. i'm feeling tolerant of people who disagree with me, and especially tolerant of my past self who i don't agree with now.
i've been listening to Belief by John Mayer today. this is my reminder that everyone believes in how they think it ought to be. the goal is not to believe in the same thing, the goal is to find commonalities and peace among our differences.
Some need the exhibition
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
A birthday is a day to celebrate and express gratitude for someone, their life and the memories you've shared. When I host a birthday dinner I always make the attendees go around and say something they love about the person. Since my daily routine usually emcompasses reminders of things I love about my dad, the day passed without incident or intense emotion. However, I find myself looking back and again asking if someone could tell me how to feel?
Monday, October 1, 2012
The answer is a belly deep laugh with friends, or a pink yoga mat, or giving yourself permission to take a nap because when you wake up life will still exist.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
My Favorite Parts were:
- Staying at the amazing Renaissance Hotel in downtown Seattle
- Drinking from the fountains of Seattle's Best Coffee (Triple Chocolate for the girls and Passion Tea for myself)
- Shopping at the Nordstrom Flagship and Humongous Nordstrom Rack (on 3 separate occasions)
- Eating at every top YELP rated restaurant we could lay our eyes on
- Making friends with the famous fish throwers in Pike Place Market
- Being hit on every 7 seconds because my friends are beautiful
- Meeting a cab driver who offered to be our personal driver next time we come to town
- Having Sunday brunch on Bainbridge Island
- Dancing our hearts out in Belltown with the most beautiful people in the country (and meeting my soul mate/ new long distance lover)
- Eating atop the Space Needle for a late Saturday dinner, and then returning (for FREE) on Sunday to see the city on an abnormally clear day
- Taking a walking food tour around Pike Place Market and tasting everything from Fruit to Cheese to Smoked Salmon
- Eating a lot and compensating by walking 50,000 steps (Thank you FitBit) in sunny 70 degree weather
- And finally, hanging out with Carly and Kyria who make me laugh harder than anyone ever did.
I think we belong there.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
BUT. THEN. This week I was in Virginia and hopped over to spend some time in DC. Walking aroung a city rich with culture, heritage, and patriotism my paradigm shifted. Ultimately, the reason behind political turmoil is that people have different interpretations of Freedom. Just like people have different interpretations of Religion. At the end of the day I don't have to stress about agreeing with everyone. I get to learn, appreciate other views, and just be GRATEFUL that there is FREEDOM to interpret.
Monday, August 20, 2012
The great paradox of life is that, even with all my beliefs, I can't help but be sad that my grandmother; the strongest, funniest, tallest, most beautiful woman I have ever met, has passed from the life I live in. The life where I get to see her with my mortal eyes and hear her with my mortal ears.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
In a time when I find myself craving solitude, I can't help but be grateful, because that craving means that I get to experience it all.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
1. what we deem as "bad" is not the same as what God deems as "bad"
i am not referring to commandments. i believe in an absolute law (albeit, with different interpretations) I believe in right and wrong, and i believe that God's laws are eternal. When i say 'bad' i mean those things that if you were to say "this is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me", that is a simple-minded, very human perspective. Usually, when bad things happen and we want to blame God, it's really that we have a limited perspective.
2. I believe that there are 3 reasons why we are tested.
- First- to grow
- 2nd- because of our own decisions
- Third (and most painful)- because of the decisions of others.
3. I have faith. I believe that when bad things happen, you have the choice to allow your god the opportunity to give you a purpose or understand beyond your minimal scope. i believe that people who daily suffer challenges that are beyond the scope of anything i could ever imagine to encounter, are choice souls who also find peace with their lot, and find peace that God loves them and will reward them a hundred fold for their endurance.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Many times there are things that have to be done that you don't want; this exists as a reality and, in many ways, is what makes life worth living. But there are sometimes you just have to say- Enough. What you have done is enough, it's time to listen to a different voice, the one that is knocking from the inside.
The rest of the story goes that I went to Redbox and couldn't decide between two movies so I got both of them and watched them on my couch and gave myself a manicure and ate homemade salsa. That night, I went to sleep alone to the sound of my clear head.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
I love routine. I love knowing what's going to happen tomorrow and I love planning my bedtime and creating a todo list. The spontaneity of vacation is exhillarating, but I love my life too much to want to constantly escape.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
- Don Draper likes to sleep alone because when he turns to the other side of the bed in the night it's cold and feels shockingly nice.
- When I'm visiting my home state I miss my current home state. It's a settling feeling.
- Sometimes "moving on" really means just coming to peace with the way you feel
- Peace comes from adaptation.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
My biggest 'rebellion' stemmed from a group a boys who lived in Dallas, about 3 hours away from my home. I don't remember if I was in love with any certain one of them or with the group of them or with the idea that they were very infatuated with me... All I remember was that in between my busy social calendar senior year I would always try to find time to drive up and see one or all of them... Sometimes with.. and sometimes without my parents knowing.
This memory stems from the fact that today I am headed to Dallas. In 2004, if I was going to Dallas the days leading up to my trip were filled with fervent anticipation. Although this is a work trip, the city that in my adolescence caused so much trouble for me still gives me a bit of excitement to visit.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
The Atonement encompasses everyone and the power to change is real. Admittedly, more real to me right now is my power to choose what I want to take on from my partner.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I'm going to let you take a moment to ponder that....
I eased my mom's concern by saying Carly and I are both very independent and will still do things separately. Although we did just book flights to Hawaii together so that delays marriage another couple months. Is this a good time to announce my 5-year plan that does not include getting married?
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
- Major highlight, hanging with my little love muffin, Carly. This is on a Water Taxi we took to get home one afternoon. Does your city have water taxis? ..because they are magical.
- When Rodney and Kylee were engaged they were known to photo bomb EVERY picture they were in. We thought they grew out of it. Really ruined this picture of us four at The Bean in Millenium Park. They are too funny.
- On Monday Carly and I had a "competition" to see who could spend $100 in Nordstrom before the other person. I left empty handed and Carly hit the jackpot. Definitely a first for me.
- Everyone must visit Bijan Bistro downtown- preferrably after midnight when the crowd is reallly having a good time. I am normally not that much of a night owl (or a night carnivore- we ordered the Ribeye) but #YOLO and #VRA (vacation rules apply). Going out late on vacation is a must-do because we ended up laughing the entire time, mostly because Carly would say funny things like this.
- And of course, the beautiful Chicago Skyline, accompanied by unseasonably warm temperatures made this the perfect weekend getaway!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Kyria and I have a reputation of giving people nicknames and them sticking. Here's some examples:
- Lauren Wright (Formerly Quesenberry): LQ, Larq, Lark, Larkin, Larkinberry, Qball
- Kyria Dial: Kiks, Kiki, Kikikins, Kinz, McKenzie, Mac, Mom, Ma, Mama
- Sir Henri Wentworth: SpecialSauce, Foxface, Furrball, Dumbass,
- Nikka Dial: Squeaks, Squeakers
- Carly Williams: Wee Wee, Carkeyz (not original but it stuck), babygirl, lover nugget, Crewmie, Mom, Mama, Ma, Mami, Willaims
- Melissa Layland: Crouton, smellorac, Elyse-Dials-Executive-Assistant and of course melorac (she gave that one to herself actually) (who does that?)
- Bailey High: Bails, Schmails, Schmelly, Smelly, Elyse-wannabe
- Jessica Maloney: yomaloney, yomo, yono, maloney, malone
- Luke Dial: Skeletor, LJ, Luigi, Sweegi, Sweegimous, Sweegimousity, Jimmer, Mr. Fredette
- Rod Dial: P Diddy, P Daddy, Daddy-Oh, Dr. Love, Did, Ditto.
- Everyone: nugget, nuggetville USA, meowmix
But I think the best one so far, is that of a new friend of the family. His name is Richard Davies. Most of his friends call him Rick. My mom calls him Davies. Neither Kyria or I could remember or liked the name Rick so we have two nicknames for him;
Both are used interchangably and will never go away. Welcome to the crew Santorum.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I was on Linkedin the other day and reconnected with a couple of my colleagues from Bimbo. It felt like the first time I got on Facebook after high school- I was giddy with nostalgia. I was only at BBU for a year, but it felt like forever. Perhaps this was because I worked the equivalent of 18 months during that year.
My time in the bread business seems like a huge part of my life, and in many ways it was. As I was reconnecting with the executives I am fortunate enough to consider friends, I started to miss that life. I felt so in control of my future. I felt like I knew exactly where my career was going. I felt appreciated by most of the people around me and I felt like everyone wanted to see me succeed.
Here's the truth:
I did feel in control of my future- but not my emotions or habits or relationships.
I did know exactly where my career was going- a place that was not conducive to family or kids or balance.
I did feel like everyone wanted to see me succeed- but at what cost?
Let me be clear- my job was my saving grace during that time. I didn't have time to address my limitations because I was too busy trying to be perfect in the way that I thought was important. I hadn't yet learned how to separate my job from my life so my job was my life. I internalized everything. Rather than accepting small, imminent hurdles that I considered defeat, I took everything personally and let it paralyze me for hours or days at a time. I loved the rush that came on the good days and the ability to spend and do whatever I wanted. But I also love trips with my family and friends, leaving the office by 6 o'clock on Friday and not thinking about it again until Monday, and being able to think about something besides bread.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Together we can see what we will find
Don't leave me alone at this time,
for I'm afraid of what I will discover inside
You told me that I would find a hole
With the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal
And all the while my character it steals
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
i went to my yoga mat. i just lay there. sometimes when i get on my yoga mat i automatically start breathing slow. that would be a welcomed break from these short choppy noises that indicated my attempt to squeeze air in and out of my lungs. when that didn't work i put on my tennis shoes. i ran up to the roof. back down to the bottom. back to the top. back down. i repeated this until my knees buckled.
i got in the shower. maybe if i went through the motion i could evade this panic. immediately, standing became the most arduous task so i sat down in the hot water rain. eventually, i got back in bed. my sheets felt soft. henri was awake by now. poor guy. i wish i wasn't alone. then i'm glad i'm alone because this isn't me.
in the months after this moment, when people comment on my strenght i want to tell them about that morning.. that feeling. that weakness within me that causes my emotions to explode into one horrible momentary lapse in the ability to think or breathe.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
...And it's days like this that I think of curling up in my bed in downtown Austin with my lovely dog and hot tea and living in my solitude.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Think about that for a second.. I have a lot of thoughts but not able to eloqently deliver them yet. to be continued...
Sunday, January 22, 2012
I realized today that the reason I am so unexplainably happy is that there are opportunities for progression in every area of my life. The excitement and hope for that is creating a deep rooted feeling of joy.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I don't know how or why this happened, but at some point in our juvenile relationship he began wearing a small green wrist band that I gave him. It was small enough to be forgettable, but Lime Greem enough for me to notice.
Only his friends and my friends knew what it meant, however, it was the deepest form of commitment that I needed. It was an unspoken display of security.
Ten years later, I am wondering how to muster that courageous naivety so as to feel secure from such a small token.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
We BREATHED Lifetime Fitness.
Kyria and I often look back on that time with fond memories. We didn't date. We didn't party. We went to the gym. So, with this background, you can imagine the joy we felt yesterday when we decided to return to LT together and recommitt to the best gym in the world.
I'm happy to say that since 2009 I have taken on a more realistic approach to my health, and therefore, this is not going to turn back into one of those excessive gym additions. I will say, however, after being back at Lifetime Fitness, it's a wonder any other gym is still in business.