Friday, December 31, 2010


Sometimes my body shrinks even when my diet consists of only chocolate.

I love wearing leather.

Despite my repetitive overuse of the word Love, it scares me.

There are places in the world you have never heard of that I would like to visit. Christmas Island, is the least outrageous.

The only thing fake about me is my eyelashes.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I'm Just Saying


That is the amount of people to urgently insist I remove my head phones on the trail at Town Lake today to tell me that Henri is the cutest thing they've ever seen. I was cordial, but only because I was raised by Rod and Jennifer; if my parents hadn't been southern and kind I would give them an earful.

Their questions: What breed is he? Where is he from? How do you keep him so well behaved?

My questions: This dog? Cutest thing ever? Sir Scratch-A-Lot? Mr. Take me downstairs at 2 am but don't you dare wake me up when you have to leave at 4:30? The same dog that will attack an 80 pound mastit but cowers away from Faith, my mother's 4 lb yorkie-poo? The one who forced me out of a 23 year long relationship with chocolate because he can jump 4 feet in the air and knows every hiding place.

Yeah, rethink the compliment.

Friday, December 24, 2010


You got me. People who know us say we are the same. I know that means I am intense and passionate and obsessed with being correct. To most people it's annoying, but to you it was your life so you understood. I wasn't alone in that. I wasn't alone in anything. I felt my emotions out loud. Now I feel everything inside. I would rather pretend to be okay than deal with anyone who may not understand. I don't feel okay. I feel sick. I feel hungry. I feel uncertain. Life has become real. Precious. Necessary. I view the world as insensitive because everyone is moving on. It's not their fault but it needs to be someone's. I feel raw. Like a flower being picked apart. Soon I will run out of petals and there will just be me. No hiding.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas bells are ringgging

Missing this little monster

Gonna see my twin tomorrow.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

There's a hole here that is about your size

I won't tell anyone because thats not my style. I don't feel on the outside. I don't see the reason. I don't like vulnerabiity. I have a lot of growing up to do. I am certain that I miss you. I wish for one more opportunity just to let you that because you always knew what to say and you understood me. I wish I would cut through my exterior and embrace other people who get me but instead I run. Because I miss you and I don't know what else to do.

Secretly hoping nobody reads this but also hoping everyone Knows.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Week highlights

1. Best news ever is seeing my family on Christmas and seeing the orphans on the 26th. Going to be a good Holiday.2. It's been a good music week. Ciara's new album came out. Ciara is awesome. She is equal parts hoodrich and classy. She wears J's and Chanel. She is hot and hangs out with the likes of Jeezy and Kanye. I will admit I purchased the cd on it's opening day and had my favorite songs picked out in less than an hour. I was also reminded of my love for Feist (The Limit To Your Love) and old school Ingrid Michaelson (Let Go is on repeat) Last but not least Jamie Foxx ft. Drake Fall for Your Type. The song is good, the video is better. Especially Drake's part (of course I'm partial). 3.Work. Is. Good. Great. Better. Best. 4.Got a message from a friend (shoutout!) saying that she has been "stalking me religiously" on facebook, twitter, and my blog and could not figure out where I am or what I'm doing. Boy, was I relieved. I have severe identidy crisis when people know things about me, so the greatest news is that, despite my months a intense vulnerability to the world, I still maintain a bit of mystery.

Of course Thursday was the best day of the week, as always. And, it's pretty early, but Friday is shaping up to be pretty great too.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Don't need your feedback

I have been reminiscing about funny dating stories and thinking how they would be fun to document on this page but then I realized that 65% of the people in my past are still tied to my present. In fact, are you reading this? Creepy. I suppose those inflated readership stats from have to come from somewhere. I'll have to reserve story time for girlfriends and little brothers.

Still, there is a problem with that. So much for clean breaks.

Monday, December 13, 2010


I have been thinking about how commitment can force you to move forward. This came from a day of hating my apartment. My door handle fell of, my lights stopped working, and my U-Verse cries out in a predictable entendre every half minute. I also calculated that the money I spend on rent could translate into a Chanel bag each month. I digress.

Even with that, if I had never lived here, I would have always wondered. I'm glad I don't have to wonder. I'm glad I know. There are so many other things that I have copped out of because I was half-hearted or uncertain. Wonder is halting experience. Like a existentialist that assumes he has life figured out because in HIS mind he does. Well of course we all think we are doing things right until we get out, live, interact, and realize that we may be wrong. That is how I feel about my commitment free life; if I am not tied to people or deadlines or plans, I am creating an autonomous reality which will be paralyzing. But, if I free myself from an inward thriving path, I may steadily reach my goals.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Save your goodbyes for the morning light

Currently listening to: James Taylor Greastest Hits
Craving: a corny joke
Thinking: if I sent Henri away like I am currently contemplating, I would actually be more alone. That realization is scarier than any alternative.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Thankful Thursdays

A couple of months ago I got into a pattern of giving myself everything I wanted at the time the desire came. Exhibit A. iPad. B. The amount of Estititians and massage therapists that touched my face and body in October. C. My apartment full of sparkly furniture and accessories. I guess I was all, well if it makes you feel better then you NEED this crystal chandelier.

It has come time to break this habit so that I may regain normalcy, balance, and to pursue my fabulous 2011 beach plans. Any habit needs a replacement. How do you replace the most blissful, therapeutic lifestyle with a new bliss and therapy that doesn't intrude on a healthy budget? No idea. Maybe yoga. Or a hobby. Or a sugar daddy. I feel no need to continue ranting. It is clear I am onto something here.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I couldn't think of a clever way to discuss the political turmoil associated with secret political documents being leaked on the Internet, so...

As a way to pay homage to my recent travels this year, and to announce my moratorium from
all things airport related, I have compiled a list of observations or experiences I find telling. Ahem..

  • Which security line you choose is the most important decision you will make ALL WEEK. This decision not only depends on how many people are in line, you must also judge each person by their perceived speed of getting undressed and re-dressed in line.
  • Although I prefer, and live and breathe off of, direct flights, if I must layover I make this decision based off known restaurants in the layover choices. An airport with a Chilis Too (Phoenix, O'hare, or DFW) receive an 'A', airports with a Cinnabon or Paradise Bakery (Salt Lake, Atlanta) are also good options. In March I had the privilege of spending 2 hours in the Charlotte, North Carolina airport and they had rocking chairs and trees in Terminal 2 simulating the quintessential southern comfort. I suggest everyone layover there.
  • More choices: At the security check point I always choose a counter with a female TSA agent. They are quick and don't talk much. Any issues at the ticket counter, I will choose a man. The whole, flash em and get bumped to first class does not work, but they hate their jobs less than women do.
  • I feel anxiety no matter what is in my bag. I travel with no liquids, drugs, or aerosol cans, but for some reason I feel like an X-ray machine can see through my soul. "Excuse me ma'am we are going to need to confiscate your iPad, seems like it's been tampered with by liquid holding terrorists".

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

How to annoy me...

Question my commitment to anything. Especially when my commitment to that thing has taken everything. When my commitment to what you are questioning has ruined my relationships and sanity and body and sleep.

I am fiercely committed. Perhaps no one knows that except me, because I am not committed on the outside. Seventy-eight percent of the time the way I act, things I say, clothes I wear, are the exact opposite from my actual commitments. I'm committed to you but I refuse to talk to you. I love you but I'll abandon you. Whatever. That's me. Gotta change.

No one knows what I'm talking about right now, and I like it that way.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Two months

So much fear. So much anxiety. So many prayers. So much unsatisfied hunger. So many sad eyes. So many flights. So many wishes. So many people. So many adjusted dreams.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Monday, November 8, 2010

Look how I'm placing all my napkins and my cutlery

Im having a dinner party and I'd like to invite Mat Kearney, Taylor Swift, and Drizzy Drake.

The conversation will go:

"Mat, thanks for exploring every aspect of relationships and leaving and distance and sadness. Taylor, thank you for calling everyone out on their bull and giving up people who are crappy. Finally, Drake, I'd like to thank you for 'Thank Me Later' for rapping so loud and slow in my ears that I can't remember anything else except that I want to be successful and at 23 and single it's okay that success is all that matters.

..Now eat your vegetables!"

Sunday, November 7, 2010


If the purpose of reading my blog is to stay updated and have a little laugh while maintaining the illusion that my life is perfect fairy tale with charming men and weekly shopping sprees, go ahead and go back to your facebook stalking. It's time to get real.

Pain is an interesting frame of mind. It rears it's ugly head in the most unfortunate of times. It takes everything it can from you. It intensifies every emotion. Pain makes it so a broken nail feels like a broken heart and a broken heart feels like an amputation. It is disabling. It moves in and abducts regular sleep and normalcy and makes a fake smile difficult to construct.

Joy, on the other hand, comes exactly when it is supposed to. Surprising, sometimes, to feel joy with pain. Like turning on a light in a dark room, the darkness has no choice but to evacuate.

I know exactly the source of my joy; spending time with my family and other people I love, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, knowing that someone wiser than me cares about me, my great job, seeing my friends happy, and the fact that the sun sets over Town Lake every evening at the same time right when I need something consistent.

At the same time, I know the source of my pain. And the control I used to maintain in life has been taken with so many other things leaving me wandering around in the dark frantically searching for a switch that will let the light in.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Thank you, Hippies

At 98 Degrees and with 7 visible humidifiers creating an unbreathable environment, usually the only thing i take from yoga is a skewed, loosely calculated percentage of the number of women who are in better shape than me, and the number of men who are gay. But on Monday night at 5:30, hot yoga gave me something else. A simple one liner that hasn't yet left my mind:

Where you're supposed to be is exactly where you're at.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A new way to spend a whole lot of money

50 minute activities that cost $100:

Dinner at Flemings... Including chocolate lava cake
Booking a one-way flight on Southwest
All sorts of spa treatments
1/2 a trip to Tiffany's and 1/20 of a trip to Chanel
A doctor visit
A therapist- or basically a glorified elementary counselor who responds to every question, robotically, with, "if someone asked you that question, what would you tell them?" And after about the fifth time I began to wish I'd chosen one of the above.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


So much to say. None of it is uplifting. Except that I think it's funny I spend my entire day talking about bread.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I promise to love and care for you. I promise to wash you regularly with gentle use leather wipes.
I promise to take you to only the most fabulous spots and fill you with worthy accessories.

I will ensure you only spend time will well deserving men. The hands that touch you will be routinely manicured.
I promise you will be impressed with my collection of like pieces.

If only you will find your way into my life. Soon.

Friday, October 1, 2010


There's no question that my favorite day of the week is Thursday. Being the introspective individual that I am, I find myself often puzzled as to why I don't look forward to Friday and Saturday like the rest of blue collar America. I have decided this is because the anticipation of the weekend, the break, the opportunity to regain strength and consciousness, is always better than the actual event. By Friday I am already planning for Monday, wondering if I'll be rested enough to work and essentially preemptively mourning the end of the relief before I've even experienced it.

Why I can't live in the present and only think about today is beside me. Why I stress about what I'm going to feel like in 4 days is a waste of time and energy. Anxiety is a fruitless emotion. Empty. Scared. Silly. But at least I enjoy my Thursdays!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


I can't even breathe- it's like i'm looking from a distance standing in the background
Everyone's saying, "He's not coming home now"
This can't be happening to me.
This is just a dream

Preacher man said let us bow our head and pray,
'Lord please lift his soul
and Heal this hurt'
Then the congregation stood and sang
the saddest song that she ever heard

The the guns rang one last heart
and it felt like a bullet in her heart

It's like i'm looking from a distance standing in the back ground
Everyone's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me.

This is just a dream.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Spirituality yields two fruits. The first in inspiriation to know what to do. The second is power, or the capacity to do it.

Richard G. Scott

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand

I'm sitting here in apartment #417 which according to the lease, and the amount of money I have spent, is mine. Listening to Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. Have you ever actually listened to the words of that song? It is empowering. Empowering like an Alanis song. Empowering like of course I'm going to think about why I decided to move here and do this and risk this but I feel like I am writing a book so I can make it end exactly how I want.

Saturday, August 28, 2010


When I don't blog for 2 months and no one says anything to me I know that I am talking to the air. It's a definite relief because talking to no one is far easier than having an audience.

If I had to choose a movie that characterized the last year of my life it would be "He's Just Not That Into You". This isn't meant to be a pity part for me, but rather a necessary reality check. You see, I tend to feel that I can make anyone feel the way that I want. This comes from years of manipulation, and a somewhat far fetched romantic story about a guy who didn't like a girl for months and then one day after 4-wheeling in the desert decided he loved that girl and they got married despite opposition and age gap. They got married and lived out their dreams in Texas and had 6 bright, brilliant children.

While driving with my Mother and sister last night we began discussing a certain male suitor who I've spent a portion of my 20's waiting on and the woman from that romantic story spoke up.

Cinderella: You never know, sometimes men aren't attracted to you for a long time and then they just flip a switch.

Sister: You're the exception

Cinderella: No, it happens.

Sister enters into an exhausting recap of Gennifer Goodwin's reality check in that epic scene where she has muffin in her hair and realizes that she is the rule, not the exception. That women who live in the world of thinking they are the exception, end up being disappointed at every turn.

Relationships aren't meant to WOW! or change the rules, they are meant to fulfill and procreate. Perhaps the "waiting" that is happening all around the world (of BYU) by young women who wish to not be overlooked, should actually be a proactive venture of setting your own standard, and when the time comes, sacrificing everything you have and jumping in head first with no hesitation or remembrance of the pain it took to get there.

Sunday, June 27, 2010


vacation spots (did you know you can rent islands around the world?)
Family Service International
Why am I here? Shouldn't I be in Texas?
College was fun
I always get random texts on Sunday night. people must be lonely
Delicate: Damien Rice

Thursday, June 10, 2010

We got a new family member. Meet Sir Henri Wentworth. The most precious little loveable man you could ever want.

Monday, May 31, 2010

currently obsessed with

over spending on clothes
looking at potential vacation spots
picking out what dog i will get

beat of my own drum

got a phone call that made me pensive.. made me want to escape.. made me want to crawl out of my skin and into a different life where people don't effect me and no one can tell me what to do or how to feel by just dialing my number.. made me angry.. made me start looking for flights to somewhere else.. somewhere where the sun is shining and my body is bronze and the work is not stressful. and for some reason i feel stifled by people around me. i need to be by myself. i need to feel free. i need to see the sun rise over martin's cove. i need to drive far away with kyria and swim in a beach.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Motherhood: Part 2

It means that if they need to be held, they run to you. It means that they think every pokemon card is the funniest thing ever, they giggle their mini giggle and show you. It means that they are easily teachable and will use words like obedience and reverence and faith. It means they will pray for their parents and their cousin and their teacher and the bugs and the trees. It means having mini Food Network and everyone pitching in to cook dinner and giving a 6 year old a knife to cut onion and she slices her finger and cries until she realizes "chefs get hurt sometimes". It means 4 children finding a pile of bricks and throwing them at the house until I appear with a box and ask them to please clean up and they oblige saving me a lot of bending over. It means smiles and laughs and innocence and wondering if we were all that young and beautiful.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Motherhood: Part 1

It means waking up at 4 am because "I have a headache, still" and where's the junior motrin? (And secret thoughts of "what if I gave her 4 ibuprofen like my mom used to?") It means if I wake up at 6 am with a head ache and sore throat AND I started my period, the baby is still hungry and needs a diaper change. It means they will ask for ice cream and it will end up on the floor and in their hair. It means going to church thinking babies hair was still wet from her shower but really she poured yogurt on her head. Motherhood means if you say we can go outside and play for 10 minutes, they will ask you for two hours how long ten minutes takes. It means loading a baby in a jogger strolled and then strapping her in so tight and monitoring constantly to ensure her attempt to flee are futile. Gone are the days of working out with a trainer for 3 hours and then making grilled chicken for dinner. Oh no, motherhood is a 10 minute half-hearted jog... Followed by a bite of macaroni and cheese. It means changing your sleeping/eating/ showering/pooping/shopping schedule around naptime and bed time. It means
"She hit me"...
"He looked at me"...
"I'm hungry"...
"My bug flew away"...
"Mo floor Is lava"... (what?)
"I'm not tired"...
"I want candy"...
"I don't like vegetables"...
"I can't sleep"...
"I'm awake!"...
Goo goo ga ga

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sing, Teresa Said, Sing

My iTunes tried to tell me today that I haven't added new music since 4/11/10 which is almost a month ago which now makes sense why I've been listening to Tha Carter II for 2 weeks (default album. never ceases to entertain me in every situation). So today Ingrid tweeted about the release of her beau's new album. I did a little preview of the songs to find that I can hear her voice on backup vocals. What if she sings those songs at her concert this summer? What if I don't know them? What if the sky is green? So I purchased this new album. I don't typically talk about music because I feel like people who do are just trying to be trendy which is so annoying. But I remember when Greg Laswell's "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" played on the Hills in the first season and I immediately was entranced with his undercover love ballads, and songs masquerading as mellow that are really sentimental. I was in love. Anyhow, I figured new house, new bod, new life, new music. Life's good.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Gilmore girls made it okay to...

be from a small town
talk incessantly
date rugged men
take a break from ivy league
wake up early
dread exercise
do what you want when you want
love your mother more that anyone
think then act

Friday, April 30, 2010

Hold tight to your dreams

I'm taking a trip soon and all I can think about is pay day on wednesday and then Michael, Louis, Christian, Marcus, Karl, and Prorsum.


I also am having some elation over a certain bread company, meat from Rudy's (that I will smell), and my Mother and Father and Sister and Brothers.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

when you think happiness... i hope you think that little black dress

secret desire i'm only sharing with people who read my blog: i want to be taylor swift. i would also settle for lauren conrad.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Feliz Cumpleanos

Happy two year anniversary to my blog. How many times have I thought about deleting this things and here we are, two years later, still cryptically complaining about boys and the weather.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Soco Amaretto Lime

Today is April 14; Exactly 8 days until graduation from college. Last night I was at Target and I started reading greeting cards (that's normal. I approach Target like this - food, candy, shoes, dvds, greeting cards, and jewerly) Well there is an entire graduation greeting card section and I started thinking that this is kind of a big deal. It feels really anticlimactic because I still feel like a 16 year old girl trying to figure out where I'm going to be tomorrow and who I'm going to be with and where I will work and what eternity is. All the same things I thought about when I was 14 and 15 and 16 and now 22. I don't mean to throw myself a pity party but I think I will.
The next 8 days will be a blur. I won't make it. My family will come in town and I'll have to hide from them and people will send me money and I will have to send it back because in my version it never actually happens. In my version I stay young forever and I wish on stars and I sit with my parents as they talk to me about the future.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Thursday, March 11, 2010

not enough hours in the day

There are not enough hours in the day to do my job so I'll have a future while also cleaning the house so I'll have my sanity, and working out so i'll have my St. Thomas body, while also going to class so I will not disappoint, and do my internship so I can graduate, and wear cute clothes so I can be me. Maybe I'll learn how to live without sleep, and eat less food and and turn off my soul.

With all this said, I've never been busier or happier in my life.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

"Sometimes when you’re young you think nothing can hurt you, it’s like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you with big plans. You'll find your perfect match- the one that completes you. But as you get older you realize it’s not always that easy. It’s not until the end that you realize the plans you made were simply plans."

Thursday, February 25, 2010

want to go here

want to take her

want to wear this

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

beware, lest ye fall into temptation

Likewise, a temperate soul—one who is humble and full of love—is also a person of increased spiritual strength. With increased spiritual strength, we are able to develop self-mastery and to live with moderation. We learn to control, or temper, our anger, vanity, and pride. With increased spiritual strength, we can protect ourselves from the dangerous excesses and destructive addictions of today’s world.
K D. Watson

Monday, February 8, 2010

critical thinking

I read a study once that women use the same part of their brain that deals with their relationships to deal with career issues. This was supposed to explain why if women are having issues with their relationship they become less productive. The study also said that men separate these, so if they are having career issues, they can't address their relationship because they are in different categories. I think the study was supposed to give weight to why women feel the need to turn to chocolate and Barbara Streisand when dealing with their relationship issues and men turn to work. There's really no other reason to conduct a study galvanizing one more reason of how men and women are different, we all know this. We all know that there are certain things I am allowed to do that He isn't, and a lot of things that He is allowed to do that I'm not. Like call. Or Burp. Or wear a sweatshirt to dinner. In my field we explore a lot of purposeless experiments; experiments that seek to confirm ideas previously decided upon as fact. If this was a communication's study, we would definitely look at this one in depth.

Friday, February 5, 2010

never find my way back home

I'm craving the emotion I used to feel towards anything. The way I used to get excited about Friday. The way a text message from a boy I liked used to make me feel. The way I used to make people laugh and get a thrill out of it. The way I stopped when I was full and slowed down when my heart was beating too fast. The way I craved attention from the right source. The way I cried when I missed my family and swore when I broke a nail. The way I went to the gym because it was good for me. The way I shrugged off yesterday, lived in the moment, and prepared for tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Normally I don't get into BYU Sports but this year I have been very active. Maybe it's because it's my senior year. Maybe it's because they upped the prices of All-Sports Passes and I feel the need to get my money's worth. Or maybe it's because Jimmer is looking so fine these days. Either way, this always pumps me up.

Ronnie Ron & Roscoe - Episode 15 - Game Starts at 7 from BYU Basketball on Vimeo.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


In a perfect world I would put pictures of things I want on my blog and then Mother Teresa would deliver them to my door. Okay... I'm having a shallow day but I suppose old habits die hard.

Monday, January 25, 2010

How to annoy me... one of those women who say, "I'm not worried about money because my husband is going to be a doctor/lawyer/politician/ wealthy investment banker/etc." "Oh, where did he get his MBA or go to law school/medical school/etc?" "Well he still has 2 years of His undergraduate left."

Good luck with that, sweetheart...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

two things that will change my life today

1. Richard G. Scott said, "Spirituality yields two fruits. The first in inspiriation to know what to do. The second is power, or the capacity to do it. These two capacities come together... Yes God answers prayer and gives us spiritual direction when we live obediently and exercise the require faith in Him."

2. The violinist in the subway...

Washington DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007:

The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater inBoston where the seats averaged $100. This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

The question is: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world,

playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.

How many other things are we missing?

Stop a while and breathe in the life all around you for 20 seconds that could change your day completely.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

late night mumbo jumbo

if all of my days ended like this, i could feel this peaceful every night.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Thankful Monday

Skyping with my family
Having a good job
Text messaging
My sister making me laugh
The church activity of my friends
A better understanding of the Atonement
Waking up early
Getting things free
Window shopping
Seeing Mallory randomly
Cleaning the kitchen on Monday morning and pretending it will stay clean all week
Expressing emotion
Knowing where true joy comes from
Jeans that are 85% spandex


Sunday, January 17, 2010

i had a dream

There will be pearls around my neck that we picked out just because. My apron will hang underneath them flawlessly, stained with flour and potatoes because I am cooking for my neighbor who just had a baby and can't make dinner for her family. Pot roast and pie. It will be warm outside and when he comes in there will be a single bead of sweat on His brow. We will embrace and be flooded with memories of the years we've spent together. No where in those memories will be the heartache we experienced to find each other. Long gone will be the thoughts of loneliness and worry and that he wouldn't find me. We will sit and laugh about the day and the neighbors and the dog and go to the gym and play games and wonder if it is possible to actually feel this way.

And then I woke up.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.

Current listening to: Sea of Love by Cat Power
Current activity: baking treats to deliver to boys who Kyria would like to date.
Current emotion: happy, empowered, hopeful, and grateful.