Motherhood: Part 1

It means waking up at 4 am because "I have a headache, still" and where's the junior motrin? (And secret thoughts of "what if I gave her 4 ibuprofen like my mom used to?") It means if I wake up at 6 am with a head ache and sore throat AND I started my period, the baby is still hungry and needs a diaper change. It means they will ask for ice cream and it will end up on the floor and in their hair. It means going to church thinking babies hair was still wet from her shower but really she poured yogurt on her head. Motherhood means if you say we can go outside and play for 10 minutes, they will ask you for two hours how long ten minutes takes. It means loading a baby in a jogger strolled and then strapping her in so tight and monitoring constantly to ensure her attempt to flee are futile. Gone are the days of working out with a trainer for 3 hours and then making grilled chicken for dinner. Oh no, motherhood is a 10 minute half-hearted jog... Followed by a bite of macaroni and cheese. It means changing your sleeping/eating/ showering/pooping/shopping schedule around naptime and bed time. It means
"She hit me"...
"He looked at me"...
"I'm hungry"...
"My bug flew away"...
"Mo floor Is lava"... (what?)
"I'm not tired"...
"I want candy"...
"I don't like vegetables"...
"I can't sleep"...
"I'm awake!"...
Goo goo ga ga