Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I saw a can of red bull in the street and I thought...

I miss red bull. and guilt free candy consumption. and sunday naps. the smell of rain. 7/4/07. grandma. reading books. utah. excelling. bargain shopping. Very Vanilla Silk. an orange and purple sunset over the mountains. pepper rock house.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

in the morning i'm leaving, making my way back to cleveland

I really don't like country. It's like depressing and sad and romantic and makes way too much sense in my world of chaos. Zac told me yesterday that when I get married I will appreciate country because it represents a slower lifestyle. He said the music I listen to is rushed and impetuous, just like my life (of course he didn't use that word because... well let's get real). To an extent, I agree with his idea. I listen to country when I want to slow down and make a decision or think clearly. I listen to rap when I want to distract myself. Most of the time I just listen to something that makes me feel better. Today: it's country. Don't ask me why because I'm not making any decisions, but WHO KNOWS I might surprise EVERYONE and be DECISIVE!!

Anyways, I have been thinking about this impetuous lifestyle that I seem to have. The past few months have been a string of "HURRY ELYSE THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ____!!!" The blank is filled with an assortment of menial, rushed tasks from dating boys who I have a short time with, to taking job opportunities, to eating a piece of chocolate sitting between Kyria and I on the table (Dial Family Motto-"If you don't eat fast, YOU DON'T EAT!!!"). But, I don't like rushing myself. I like slow. I crave slow.

Along this line, today, I met Preston's wife for the first time. I didn't know Preston and Amanda as a single couple, but I can imagine. Each time I come in contact with a newlywed couple I pay close attention to their aura, for a couple of reasons. First of all, marriage is astounding to me. It is a mystery- a sweet, confusing mystery. It seems so far off I hardly give it any thought. I thought about it today because of a trend I see in Preston, Amanda, Rachel, Liz, Nicole, and other people close to me that I have watched make the switch from regular music to country music, so-to-speak. There now emanates from them a quiet confidence. Like, they've been underwater for years and are finally coming up for breath. But while underwater they grew up and learned a new way they breathe. They are thorough and steady. They are calm. Maybe it's the sexual frustration of Mormon kids that starts at age 12 and continues until long awaited matrimony when all of a sudden you can eat the chocolate cake you've been dabbing at for what seems like ages.

Or maybe it's the awakening that they have finally made a decision. They figured something out! There's a certain peace in the realization that you have chosen a path, and that the consequences of that path are yours and yours alone. Criticizing desists. You venture down the road less traveled. It is hard and confusing and winding, but subsequently placid and calm. Like a slow and steady country song.

There's a beginning, middle, end. Take a deep breath. Repeat.

Friday, June 20, 2008

once a caterpillar, always a caterpillar

I live in Austin. And I grew up in Austin. Seems like a no-brainer. But its not. It's like finding an old pair of pumps that were lost for a few years. And when you found them they had been polished and the heel had been repaired and someone has put a Dr. Scholls insert in so they fit even better than they did before. Most of the time, I love it. I love living here as an adult and hanging out with friends both new and old. I love going to the same places, restaurants, churches, etc that I went to as a child and teenager, and remembering exactly why I felt in love with this place. I love having my family close enough to visit on a whim. I love being able to go to lunch with my parents at the drop of a hat and being able to have my mom hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I wished for that for the past 3 years and never had it.

Only problem is, my feet grew, so the perfect shoes are still perfect but they don't fit. Just like this town. Three years ago I was immature and silly and indecisive. Now I am.. well, immature and silly and indecisive. Okay, bad example.

What has changed is that I'm driven and optimistic and thoughtful. I actually have reasons for my actions. I pay attention to my surroundings and think about cause and effect. I don't worry about menial things.

I'm not who I once was. But this place expects me to be. And doesn't believe me despite my most persuasive acts. And tries to convince me I am 18 again. I've fought so hard to not fall back into old habits. I would have never predicted the crux of this struggle would be moving to the place I feel most comfortable.

Friday, June 13, 2008

How to annoy me..

Taunt me with this text message:

"New favorite past time-- eating breakfast on the beach."

Why, oh why, are my brother, sister, and father living in a Hawaiian hut this week? Why am I still here? Why is it 104 degrees outside? Whyyyyy?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Because I tried to blog about being happy, and I ended up playing solitaire

Number of times I almost threw my binder at someone's house today: 3
Number of apology notes I wrote to a customer on account of almost throwing my binder at her: 1
Number of times this week someone has used the words "are", "you", and "okay" together, directed at me, in the form of a question: 7

Ahem. It's only wednesday.

Other indications it has been a rough 4 days:
my physical appearance (one, very self-explanatory word: headband)
my recent ipod playlist (see below*)
opting out of normal social interactions and hanging out with my little brothers (they don't ask questions)

*Sunday I was laying in bed thinking and having a lot on my mind. When those two occur in conjunction I usually a.) make playlists, b.) eat, c.) run. Running was out of the question because I was so comfortable under my covers, eating is no fun when you don't have any food, soo I made a playlist. Admittedly, said playlist is the real reason for this post. Basically, music is my boyfriend.

Here it is:
Nineteen- Tegan and Sara
We Get On- Kate Nash
Still Walking After You- Spilled Canvas
Can't Break Her Fall- Mat Kearney
Bad Diary Days- Pedro the Lion
Navy Taxi- Kate Nash
Lonelily- Damien Rice
The Winter Song- Eisley
Videotape- Radiohead
Arizona- Pedro the Lion
Somethin' Sexy Bout The Rain- Kenny Chesney
A Simple Plan- Pedro the Lion
Move You (Slow and Steady)- Anya Marina
First Love- The Maccabees
Unlike Me- Kate Havenvik

Impassive? I think so.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

sign here

If-then Statement- the most basic of all the control statements; used to illustrate flow from start to finish and separate categories of causation.
For example: if i got shopping then i will fall in love.
really love.
would have given my left kidney for.
But, they only accept money. American money.

choppy. tangents.

The wind- is outrageous! For the past 4 days there has been a torrential, hurricanial wind. The reason I am writing about the wind is because it disrupts so many of the constants in my life.
  • my hair
  • my ability to peacefully lay out and get an even bronze (without my hair going everywhere!!)
  • my gas mileage
  • my papers flying EVERYWHERE (dfgh#$%!!!)
  • did i mention my hair?

It is getting ridiculous. I love rain. I love sunshine. I can handle snow. What I cannot handle, however, is when the weather gets to the intensity of coercing my body in every which direction. asdjkl!

The wind- the reason I am up until 3 in the morning.
The wind- is banging against the shutters and creating weird noises outside and SCARING ME!! driving me to BLOG and think. and BLOG about what I think.

Grey's Anatomy- the other reason I am up tonight (this morning as some, really annoying people would say) I finally watched the season finale. Three weeks late, but that's the reward of selling your soul to pest control.
I am reminded tonight of why I love this show, aside from the fact that it is the perfect amount of sadness/drama/Making Out/humor/etc/etc. Grey's is full of constants (we love constants)
1.)Every episode ends up with characters Making out.
2.) Meredith and McDreamy always need each other. They always end up together. It is usually ruined by Meredith being really inconsistent. But if someone as messed up and Meredith gets her McDreamy that always needs her, then I definitely can breathe easier. I like Meredith. She's crazy. And I'm crazy. And we both talk in tangents. Choppy tangents. And she talks too much. And I don't talk too much but I do talk a lot. And she made him a house out of candles. And she felt dumb. But it worked. And now I have to watch them make out. Over. and. over. But that's my own fault. Because I've pressed rewind 4 times. Oh, 5 times. Not my fault. Blame it on the wind.