Wednesday, June 27, 2012

We Were Both Young When I First Saw You

I can count on less than one hand how many times I've fallen in love. In fact, I can't really count considering once love ends it almost feels like it didn't happen. It's like, you spend time so much time trying to forget that it actually works. In hindsight, I'm grateful for the opportunities to get to know and love myself through others. I appreciate my ability to see the potential in someone else, and someone else's ability to love me inspite of all the Elyse-ness that happens.

In a time when I find myself craving solitude, I can't help but be grateful, because that craving means that I get to experience it all.

Monday, June 18, 2012

summer wish list
take a weekend getaway
visit Rodney and Kylee in NYC
attend the twilight concert series at Liberty Park
run up Capital Hill 15 times
go camping
hike 30+ times

Sunday, June 17, 2012

happy day, friends.

Always thinking
Better today than yesterday
Cant' sleep without a dream

Saturday, June 9, 2012

it is seldom that i write about my faith. my blog tends to be the place where i write about things i don't talk about; family, love, feeeelings.. but my faith is something i find myself ALWAYS discussing, and, sadly, often defending, so i don't need an outlet as much. over the past week, however, i have had the discussion with many friends of why God allows bad things to happen, and i feel like my thoughts have been scrambled every time this topic comes up and i just want to scream "BECAUSE THAT'S LIFE! HAVE FAITH!"... i'm calm now, so i'll write.

1. what we deem as "bad" is not the same as what God deems as "bad"

i am not referring to commandments. i believe in an absolute law (albeit, with different interpretations) I believe in right and wrong, and i believe that God's laws are eternal. When i say 'bad' i mean those things that if you were to say "this is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me", that is a simple-minded, very human perspective. Usually, when bad things happen and we want to blame God, it's really that we have a limited perspective.

2. I believe that there are 3 reasons why we are tested.
  • First- to grow
  • 2nd- because of our own decisions
  • Third (and most painful)- because of the decisions of others.
if God were a god who did not allow us to be affected by the agency of others, he would in turn be taking away someone else's agency. this helps me begin to accept the perils of poverty, rape, abortion, war, etc. Satan asked for no one to be effected by any one elses decision, he asked for everyone to do the right thing always. he, in turn, asked for more control. in giving more control to our decisions, he shows his faith in us.

3. I have faith. I believe that when bad things happen, you have the choice to allow your god the opportunity to give you a purpose or understand beyond your minimal scope. i believe that people who daily suffer challenges that are beyond the scope of anything i could ever imagine to encounter, are choice souls who also find peace with their lot, and find peace that God loves them and will reward them a hundred fold for their endurance.

people who say it better than me:

Thursday, June 7, 2012

my past and my future depends on today

On Tuesday I had plans to do a lot of things, and about 4 pm I realized I would not be able to do those things and still keep a smile on my face. It was like I knew that everything I had accomplished that day was enough. I attended to my responsibilities at work, went home and did the things I absolutely needed to do, and then allowed myself the opportunity to shut down mentally. I listened to myself. Lately, I've been ignoring myself. I've been saying, "I don't want to feel that, so I'm not going to" or "I don't want to, but I should- so I will." My therapist used to tell me that 'should' was the word that controlled me, and perhaps there was something else I could find as motivation.

Many times there are things that have to be done that you don't want; this exists as a reality and, in many ways, is what makes life worth living. But there are sometimes you just have to say- Enough. What you have done is enough, it's time to listen to a different voice, the one that is knocking from the inside.

The rest of the story goes that I went to Redbox and couldn't decide between two movies so I got both of them and watched them on my couch and gave myself a manicure and ate homemade salsa. That night, I went to sleep alone to the sound of my clear head.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


I love the feeling of coming back from a trip. Today, I washed every piece of laundry in my home. I had a green smoothie for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch. I slept in my king bed with my legs kicking in every which direction. I used my full size face wash and moisturizer and body lotion. I returned all my emails and voicemails before 10 am. I made plans for this week for the gym, dinner, or yoga with friends.

I love routine. I love knowing what's going to happen tomorrow and I love planning my bedtime and creating a todo list. The spontaneity of vacation is exhillarating, but I love my life too much to want to constantly escape.