Sunday, April 29, 2012

Dear Dad,

I couldnt sleep last night because I am so happy. I am so excited about the things that are coming up in my life. I don't feel like I deserve for everything to work out as well as it has. But I accept the blessings, of course.

And yet, with all the peace and joy, somewhere in me there is a discontentment. It is a fear that I am not doing as well as I think. Maybe it's facade and tomorrow I will wake up in shambles. Maybe it will be at the end of my next beginning, maybe it will be when mom remarries, maybe it will be when my children ask about you. I don't know when, but I know that I will feel again the feelings I worked so hard to overcome.

For now, I will enjoy the joy and peace that is coming, because that's what you did. Live everyday like it is special. Treat everyone like they are special. Be patient and optimistic. Just like you said to be.

Love, Mo.

Friday, April 27, 2012

the perks of living with another person

she has impeccable taste in music, and buys every good album. she also watches horrible television and can talk about it with a straight face. any given saturday night she will chug an energy drink and go to a club or take a tylenol pm and fall asleep to the television. she always asks how i'm feeling and then asks again if i lie to her. as i was writing this, she sent me an email asking if we could make a fort out of my bed when we move in.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Look at me

Things I learned this week:
  • Don Draper likes to sleep alone because when he turns to the other side of the bed in the night it's cold and feels shockingly nice.
  • When I'm visiting my home state I miss my current home state. It's a settling feeling.
  • Sometimes "moving on" really means just coming to peace with the way you feel
  • Peace comes from adaptation.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I ain't from Dallas but I D-town Boogie

I wouldn't consider myself very rebellious as a teenager. In fact, there were very few things I did that deviated from my parent's expections of me... That standard was hard to maintain as I got older, but up until I was about 17 I was the poster child for obedience.

My biggest 'rebellion' stemmed from a group a boys who lived in Dallas, about 3 hours away from my home. I don't remember if I was in love with any certain one of them or with the group of them or with the idea that they were very infatuated with me... All I remember was that in between my busy social calendar senior year I would always try to find time to drive up and see one or all of them... Sometimes with.. and sometimes without my parents knowing.

This memory stems from the fact that today I am headed to Dallas. In 2004, if I was going to Dallas the days leading up to my trip were filled with fervent anticipation. Although this is a work trip, the city that in my adolescence caused so much trouble for me still gives me a bit of excitement to visit.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


Someday, somewhere, some man is going to look at a picture of me and say "I'm so glad I wifed that woman."

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Thoughts on thoughts

When you ultimately make that decision to be with one person forever, you are signing up for not only their love, but their trials and vices. You are consenting to help them through the things that they previously had a hard time getting through on their own. As I've begun to go down the road of progressing with my relationships, I am finding out what trials I am willing to sign up for. I don't need to allow myself to suffer the consequences of decisions that I haven't made.

The Atonement encompasses everyone and the power to change is real. Admittedly, more real to me right now is my power to choose what I want to take on from my partner.