got a phone call that made me pensive.. made me want to escape.. made me want to crawl out of my skin and into a different life where people don't effect me and no one can tell me what to do or how to feel by just dialing my number.. made me angry.. made me start looking for flights to somewhere else.. somewhere where the sun is shining and my body is bronze and the work is not stressful. and for some reason i feel stifled by people around me. i need to be by myself. i need to feel free. i need to see the sun rise over martin's cove. i need to drive far away with kyria and swim in a beach.
It means that if they need to be held, they run to you. It means that they think every pokemon card is the funniest thing ever, they giggle their mini giggle and show you. It means that they are easily teachable and will use words like obedience and reverence and faith. It means they will pray for their parents and their cousin and their teacher and the bugs and the trees. It means having mini Food Network and everyone pitching in to cook dinner and giving a 6 year old a knife to cut onion and she slices her finger and cries until she realizes "chefs get hurt sometimes". It means 4 children finding a pile of bricks and throwing them at the house until I appear with a box and ask them to please clean up and they oblige saving me a lot of bending over. It means smiles and laughs and innocence and wondering if we were all that young and beautiful.
It means waking up at 4 am because "I have a headache, still" and where's the junior motrin? (And secret thoughts of "what if I gave her 4 ibuprofen like my mom used to?") It means if I wake up at 6 am with a head ache and sore throat AND I started my period, the baby is still hungry and needs a diaper change. It means they will ask for ice cream and it will end up on the floor and in their hair. It means going to church thinking babies hair was still wet from her shower but really she poured yogurt on her head. Motherhood means if you say we can go outside and play for 10 minutes, they will ask you for two hours how long ten minutes takes. It means loading a baby in a jogger strolled and then strapping her in so tight and monitoring constantly to ensure her attempt to flee are futile. Gone are the days of working out with a trainer for 3 hours and then making grilled chicken for dinner. Oh no, motherhood is a 10 minute half-hearted jog... Followed by a bite of macaroni and cheese. It means changing your sleeping/eating/ showering/pooping/shopping schedule around naptime and bed time. It means "She hit me"... "He looked at me"... "I'm hungry"... "My bug flew away"... "Mo floor Is lava"... (what?) "I'm not tired"... "I want candy"... "I don't like vegetables"... "I can't sleep"... "I'm awake!"... Goo goo ga ga
My iTunes tried to tell me today that I haven't added new music since 4/11/10 which is almost a month ago which now makes sense why I've been listening to Tha Carter II for 2 weeks (default album. never ceases to entertain me in every situation). So today Ingrid tweeted about the release of her beau's new album. I did a little preview of the songs to find that I can hear her voice on backup vocals. What if she sings those songs at her concert this summer? What if I don't know them? What if the sky is green? So I purchased this new album. I don't typically talk about music because I feel like people who do are just trying to be trendy which is so annoying. But I remember when Greg Laswell's "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" played on the Hills in the first season and I immediately was entranced with his undercover love ballads, and songs masquerading as mellow that are really sentimental. I was in love. Anyhow, I figured new house, new bod, new life, new music. Life's good.