Thursday, March 26, 2009

Shoes, Homeless People, and Facebook

For some reason I get strongly defensive when things close to me are threatened. This extends to my family, my opinion, my religion, and my wardrobe. 

The most prominent example is my family. For Example, Kyria has these shoes. She says she bought them at Footlocker, but I think she stole them from Rhianna's boyfriend. Granted, Kyria is a black woman, trapped in a pretty white girls body, however, these shoes could not have been designed for her. They were designed for a black man. I have this opinion. I don't share this opinion- except for on the internet, apparently. HOWEVER, if some ignorant third party fashion critic were to come to me and say "Kyria's shoes are strange," I would say, "What are you talking about? They are so her. She looks great in them. Those shoes were made for her." Forget the fact that I hold the same opinion as him. I would be offended and, in fact, upset, that he dare question her choice of footwear. Forget the fact that Kyria is confused about her pigmentation, and remember that he's a judgmental critic who hold the wrong opinion of her.

This flaw in my personality exhibited itself today over a comment I wrote on facebook. I was reading CNN and have lately been really frustrated by the articles of oppression rampant in the "Most Popular on CNN" column. Let me start off by saying I am not AGAINST hearing about the poor. I enjoy all of Anderson Cooper's documentaries about Mexico or Pakistan or even American hardship. My problem is that it is daily that these articles come up, and I don't feel it is appropriate to draw attention to these people. I believe in helping people, I believe in donating, I give to homeless men, I donate to Choose To Give, but I don't believe in people calling news stations and telling them about your brutal conditions to get publicity, remorse, or even a quick buck. WELL, I voiced this opinion on my facebook status and I swear it wasn't there more than and hour before I had half a dozen comments of people arguing, wondering how I could feel this way, and correcting me. It wasn't that I cared people commented, it's that they were threatening my opinion. I felt personal attacked. I felt like these people had no idea who I was or where I was coming from, but rather than they just wanted to denounce my opinion. 

I don't know why this is an issue for me. I don't know why I'm so defensive about everything. I watch people take criticism with a shrug of a shoulder and I covet their submission. I suppose if I gave this up it would mean giving up my passion and opinions, so it might not be all bad, however, if I get in one more intellectual battle I might just lose start losing friends. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Maybe we will never know

I don't have anything to say so whatever compelled you to read this, fight it. Saturday I laid outside in my new swim suit and then Monday it snowed and Tuesday I got sick and got an extension on a paper and got invited to Aruba and Wednesday I was still very sick and stayed in bed until now, because I had class. Biology- to be more exact. Biology 100. I don't know if any class has ever stressed me out more. My 400 level classes are fine but this 100 class is just not fine. And today we are learning about dung beetles. Important? no. But for some reason the stress isn't enough to get to me, but rather it is enough to make me think about the beach.

Also, if you have never been to Sephora and had the over-made-up women sell you any facial products by DDF, you should RUN there and buy whatever you can. DDF is a group of dermatologists that got together and created a skin care line. They have a lot of products that have seriously changed my life.


And, because my skin is like 17 different pigments, and no makeup matches it-


While I'm on product plugs,


Seriously. It's made of memory foam so you can only imagine the comfort and shape and why I have rationalized buying one in every color.

Well, I'm going to go get back in bed because I'm sick. 

Monday, March 23, 2009


Being currently unemployed makes me think about work. This is the first time in a LONG time that I haven't had a job. In January, I set a goal to not work for 4 months and just focus on school. I tend to be somewhat of a workaholic when I do work, and the less I work, the less I want to. I know I am happiest when I put in a full days work in whatever I am doing, and yet somehow I lose that perspective in seasons like this where my only responsibilities are my classes and my gym attendance. 

The problem is, there is no middle ground for me. There is no such this as a "Part-Time" job. No way for me to forget about working when I am working, and no way for me to think about working when I am not. I am a woman of extreme opposites. Love or Hate. Eat or Don't. Work or Sit At Home And Watch Prison Break Until My Eyes Fall Out.
My only advice to myself is to enjoy this time because this summer I will go back to working hard. And there is not a doubt in my mind that I will enjoy every minute of it.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Bare Necessities

One of my New Year's Resolutions was Less Nordstrom, more Target. So far this has been an okay resolve, if you take out the weekend I spent in Seattle, in which the only excuse for my actions is that they must have drugged me when I got in the story. AND they had a Chanel INSIDE Nordstrom. No three words are more detrimental to my sanity. Anyhow, it's spring time which means it's almost summer time which means SWIMSUITS! My first instinct was to go buy this: 
Owing it to my New Year's Resolution, the fact that I am buying a car, and that I already have that swimsuit in black- I decided not to. Instead, Kyria and I went to every Target from Balboa Island to Provo and cleaned them out. I'm so proud. I bought 3 tops and 2 bottoms all for less than what I spent on one swim suit last year. Here's what I found:

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

My Roots.

It was October. Nikka and I were at Martin's Cove bored one night. It was late. We decided to go for a drive that we knew would end us at the grocery store. We go downstairs to find a distressed Grandmother eating Ice Cream cones on the couch.

Me: Grandma, we are going to the store- can we get you anything?
Grandma: Tequila. Thanks.
Me: Um...
Grandma: TEQUILA.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Sister: Part II

Here I am, laying in bed past 11 o'clock for the second time in a week. I feel like a complete waste becase there is nothing I detest more than sleeping in especially on busy weeks and especially when my room looks like it does. The thing is, I slept in because all I want to do is go to the mall. And I will, just as soon as I clean my room. Or maybe I'll clean my room after the mall. Or maybe I'll go to California. I'm frazzled, clearly, and asleep and my phone rings to wake me up. It's my sister. Shoot. I hate when she knows I'm sleeping in because it means she knows I'm being lazy and that I'm not in class and aren't I supposed to be a good example to her? I'm supposed to be the responsible one. I'm not supposed to be woken up by my younger sister because I slept in. What would Jennifer think. Crap. But, of course I answer it because hers are the only calls I don't screen. I fake my best "I've been awake since 7 a.m. and in fact if I sound tired it's because it is already nap time for me". The same voice my roommate and I used to fake freshman year when our parents would call us at 1 in the afternoon and we were still asleep.

Me: Hey babe
Sis: Hey.... What are you doing
Me: Nothing, you?
Sis: Nothing

Okay. She's being sketchy. She probably wants something. Maybe she needs food or something. Maybe I can stop by on the way to the mall. Should I tell her I'm going to the mall? I don't want to be a bad example but I want her to come. Gosh I am SO frazzled.

Sis: So when do you have class?

Crap. Just tell the truth.

Me: Um... Right now, but I'm not going.
Sis: Oh perfect. When's your next one?
Me: 4. But I'm not going.
Sis: Well.. Do you maybe want to drive to Salt Lake and go to the new Nordstrom and then Nordstrom Rack.
Me: Yes!
Sis: Pick me up in 30. Click.

I'm a horrible example. On the other hand, so is she. On the other hand, we are the same. Perfect. Dial girls: breaking the norm since 1990.

Monday, March 9, 2009


I look at her and where she is and how I remember being there. We are so similar it's pretty scary. So full of life and energy but still so thoughtful and passionate. Most of the time I feel excited for her journey that has just begun with moving away and figuring out life. Sometimes, like today, I feel a little bit of sadness knowing what the next couple of years hold. The heartbreak, the stress, the abandonment, the nights driving around deciding what she wants from life, the sleep and sleep deprivation and the trips to escape and the realizing her parents don't know everything and the time she will decide what she wants and have it ripped away from her and the day she decides not to care what anyone thinks and the day she wonders if it's all worth it and the day she realizes that it is and that she has become the woman she always dreamed she would be.