Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Let it out

I love to write. Unfortunately, writing has never been a strength of mine- I never excelled in English or grammar classes- but I've always believed there is power that comes from turning your thoughts into words and preserving those words in a forum that is open and connects you with other people. I used to use this site as such a forum. I loved sorting through topics that were on my mind; belief, television, food, politics, family, jokes- and talking about it in a way that helped me understand myself. 

Then people started to read the words I was writing. Duh, right? You put things on the Internet with your name and they get found. It wasn't a lot of people by any means, but it was enough that made me feel vulnerable and exposed. So much so that I shut down that outlet. It was sad to me to do that but I wasn't prepared for feedback on my thoughts, I just wanted them written and maybe for my mom to read so she would think I wasn't crazy (didn't happen). 

I don't know where my thoughts go now- I think many stay inside and others are spoken in long rants of incoherence.. Some, the more prominent ones, are still written in a private place free from judgment. 

I am still not comfortable with the stereotype associated with blogging. I still don't enjoy the vulnerability and exposure of your name and feelings being out there for the world to search. But I do like to connect my mind with those around me to better understand myself and, perhaps, in turn try to better understand others. Plus, for Christmas, in lieu of buying my sister a gift, I promised her I would post on here 5 times. So there's that.