Monday, September 28, 2009

baby boy

My favorite part is that we are both laughing so hard. Like a bunch of 10-year-olds who just discovered youTube.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


making plans just to watch them change! lifee! college!!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

This picture makes me melt. I miss you guys.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

it's full of secrets

I HAVE two blogs. I have this blog that you're reading because for whatever reason you've made it a site that you visit when boredom attacks. And then there's another one. It's private so that only I (or as I have painfully learned in the past, someone who is snooping on my computer) can read it. This blog holds my public thoughts. That blog holds everything else. Basically, I moved around so many times that carrying a journal was not realistic, so the blog is as personal as a journal. When I get the desire to blog about something real I have to decide where I'm going to publish it. Do I want the internet to know my deepest thoughts? Do I feel comfortable letting people see a glimpse of the real me? Regrettably, that answer is "no" more often than not. I get especially coy when I'm deciding to blog about someone.

Point is, I have something to say about someone but I'm too embarrassed to say it here. Guess you'll have to break into my computer to read it.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I found this picture the other day and seeing it brings back a flood of emotion from the day that everyone in my generation will never forget. We won't ever forget where we were at or how it made us feel. This particular picture is of him at Joseph Smith's birth-site. I do miss that jovial smile.

Friday, September 18, 2009

don't feed the models

7 Weeks ago I entered into an agreement with my mother, Kyria, and Nikka. The agreement is what we, and 20 other women in Texas, refer to as Diet Challenge. I did it in the support of my sisters who did it in the support of my mom who did it in the support of her friends. That last sentenced should be read WE ARE A BUNCH OF SUCKERS. Kyria and I are having fun with it. Like for fun we go to the gym for 3 hours, or for fun we eat 500 calorie lunches and pretend we are satisfied. Last weekend Eli was in town and took us out to eat like 5 times and although we were satiated for the first time since June, we would cringe at every meal knowing it just meant we had more work to do. I can't complain considering with my senior year being surprisingly stress-free and surprisingly single, I need something besides keeping my apartment clean to fill my time. Despite my quasi-optimism, I will be grateful come October when it is all over.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


New CDs added to iTunes this week.

Everybody Ingrid Michaelson
The Blueprint 3 Jay-Z
Bomb in a Birdcage A Fine Frenzy
Taller Children Elizabeth & The Catapult

aka best week ever.

don't want to invest that much dough? download Just In Time by Elizabeth & The Catapult, Off That feat. Drake by Jay-Z, and Swan Song by A Fine Frenzy. If you want me to pick a favorite Ingrid song, you're trippin.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

People Watching

She is what happens to people when they stay in the same place for too long. Her eyes are tired. She is sick of answering the same questions. This place gets to you if you don't leave it. She's trapped doing the same thing. Every September and January she sits and listens to professors say the same thing and tries to laugh as they take themselves too seriously. Her glazed over eyes scream something deeper than boredom. At any point she might start yelling and run from the room. She will escape. She will get out of here if it kills her. Why did she come? All the reasons have escaped her. I remember first meeting her, freshman year. She had so much energy and zest for life. She was motivated and excited and scared because of the novelty of the place. That energy is gone. She's not present in conversations. Her mental capacity is limited to anything beyond thoughts of a different place, a better time. A time where she is not stuck. A time where she lives in a house that she owns. A time when college is a memory. A time when the only kind of tests she will encounter are the ones that tell you if you're expecting. She will sleep 8 hours and go to a job she loves and wearing an apron when she comes home.

She is not alone. Everyone is pretending they want to be here. Everyone says it's the best time of their life. Everyone looks her in the eye and fakes a smile and asks how her day is. Everyone is really dreaming of the same thing she is. Everyone is lying.

Monday, September 14, 2009

oh really

rain is everyone's excuse to be sad. people stay inside and sleep longer and watch more movies and stop doing their homework and spend more money. are we sad because of the rain? is it raining because we are sad? maybe it's someone's way of creating tears when we don't know how. because where did crying ever get anyone?

i'm sitting in my bed listening to A Fine Frenzy and the rain and eating grapes because of diet challenge and i hesistate to write anything sad because i don't want nikka to cry but i will go ahead and blame it on the rain. my indecisiveness has served me wrong yet again forcing me to sit here painting my nails for the 5th time, dreaming about moving to seattle, putting off my homework, and playing the swan song on repeat. and i'm pretending that it is the rain's fault.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

gucci down to her feet just like me

I am happy. And I thought it would be a good time to blog because I typically blog when I'm depressed so the internet thinks I am not the chipper person that I am. I am happy because the sun is shining, and the weather is pretty and I live with my sister and best friend and yesterday we walked 8 miles around Provo because we thought it'd be fun (we were right). I am happy because I don't believe in being sad. Also because I am listening to Ingrid Michaelson's new cd which is MAGNIFICENT. I am happy because yesterday I bought a plane ticket to my favorite place ever and I like to travel! I am back at school and it's pretty weird to think I keep on moving around and I really don't like it but that it doesn't effect me anymore. Sometimes I think and am told that this is because I am numb but I think it is because I really have just learned to deal with uncommon amounts of change with internal consistency. You're jealous, right? That's because it's admirable. I can't even complain though because I love my life and all the opportunities and fun that I have. I love looking forward to things that are must like school and work and church. I love my sisters. Both my sister that I live with and watch movies all the time with and drive 45 minutes just to go to the gym with and laugh my head off with when other people would like us to be quiet. I also love my sister at home who dates and drives and texts me on a friday night because she put on a cute outfit and went to the movies by herself which just means she's a replica of me and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but all I know is that she's going to be okay.

Today is a good day.

Monday, September 7, 2009

here's my bigger problem

I am hungry ALL THE TIME.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

here's my problem

I have this perception of how things will be. I believe in signs and tingling feelings in the pit of your stomach and people being in your life for a reason and holding onto to slightest glimmer of hope that used to be there but left. I believed way too many boys who apologized and said they loved me and I got too close to my Dad who is like the world's most admirable man and also believes in everyone. More powerful than either of those, however, was that I watched the movie Serendipity way too many times for any average 17 year old girl. Why do you think I crave NYC so frequently? Is it because of the larger than life Bergdorf & Goodman? No. It is because Mr. Right is there and he wants to trace my freckles and ice skate with me.

I also believe in hope. I believe in it not only as a religious necessity but as a way to maintain sanity amid times of gloom. I am rude and prideful and unforgiving, unless you happen to be one of three people in which case you can do pretty much whatever you want and I will still be there tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009