Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Merry Christmas from the Dials!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Matt: "I feel spoiled because I got both. And for Christmas she will probably make both."
Kyria: "I feel spoiled because Christmas I was in Mexico and Thanksgiving I was in Belize."
That girl really knows how to shut people up.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
In 2012 I would like MORE:
Quality time with my friends
Homemade Sunday Dinners
Trips: (NYC, Chicago, and Boston)
I would like LESS:
Late Friday nights
Monday, December 5, 2011
Then something happened. Like, the reality of paying 2 grand a month on rent, and the fact that I slept in my closet because my bed was too big, and the ability for me to invite over whoever I wanted whenever I wanted and not have any consequences, and then there were the times when I did inevitably get lonely and I had to deal with the worst of all human emotions.
I did what I thought I would never do once Lauren, the best roommate ever, got married and was off the living market. I got a roommate.
ENTER: Carly. A transplant to Austin from New York City and before that San Diego.
She met my family after 1 week. We bore our souls after 2 weeks. By 3 weeks I let her in on some of my weird eating habits. She introduced me to the Kardashians and TEVO. She thought I was smart except when I was acting stupid. She encouraged me to evaluate my relationship, my job, my happiness, etc. We talked at length about our friends and family. By 1 month in she was sleeping in my bed periodically and picking out my nail polish colors.
She's funny and girly and a carries a normal amount of insecurities. She is more socially and emotionally aware of other people than anyone I've ever met. She's my friend because she's patient and a little crazy. She listens like a champ and laughs hard. She motivated and pretty and sleeps through alarms just like me. She drives a yellow convertible and thinks it's funny when I offend people. She likes twitter, fast food, the mall, working, talking about Jesus, taking care of people, and swearing.
Guys, I've got some big plans with this one.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
1. when signing my name, I still dot the 'i' with a heart
2. i. hate. spoons.
3. if you ask one of my siblings who the most annoying person they know is, they will say, in unison, Elyse Dial.
4. the first 90 minutes I'm awake in the day, I am chatty and excited and joyful. After those 90 minutes, my mood is a high stakes game of Roulette.
5. my kryptonites are tall men and expensive jewerly. Even better, Tall men delivering Expensive jewerly
you know you love me, xoxo
Friday, November 18, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Shortly after my 21st birthday I was in love with a beautiful man who decided that he could not continue with the plans we made. Three days after the break-up, when I was stable enough to tell my family and friends, I was driving on the freeway listening to Not As We by Alanis Morrissette and my dad called. I reluctantly answered the call hoping he was butt dialing.
"Hey, daddy!" (must...... not...... admit...... weakness......)
"Hey, babe. Your mom told me what happened. How are you?"
"Well I used to think he was a smart guy but clearly he's out of his mind."
Dad, if you're helping Beyonce write music now, I'd like a song about me.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Shopping at Ikea and Forever 21 stresses me out. So many options. I would rather go to Neimans or Z Gallerie but unfortunately my time is not valuable enough to justify those stores.
if i know people's secrets, it makes it a lot easier for me to forgive them of their follies.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
..And therein lies the problems associated with cultivating relationships with what I would consider fictional characters.
Now that I have calmed down, my fundamental issue lies in the fact that I believe in marriage. I believe it to be the "ideal pattern for human living". I believe that a person should marry once and make decisions with the sole purpose of maintaining that relationship.
I believe that influential people should take this charge even more fervently. Older siblings, parents, mentors, athletes, celebrities- anyone who has someone watching need to take this very seriously. The greater your sphere of influence, the better decisions you must make.
Kim and Kris- You've let me down.
Monday, October 31, 2011
- buy furniture
I did neither. I did, however, recover from a paralyzing illness, buy some beautiful, winter appropriate clothing (think leather, think fur, think denim. nom nom nom) make some unlikely but very fun loving friends, call my mother, beat a tough level on angry birds, sleep in on Saturday, bake winter treats, go dancing in my new city, celebrate Drake's birthday, and surprise my baby girl with her BFF.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
- New York Time quoted Dallin H. Oaks to help understand Mormon Style. See the article here. “There is nothing inherently wrong about long hair or beards, any more than there is anything inherently wrong with possessing an empty liquor bottle. But a person with a beard or an empty liquor bottle is susceptible of being misunderstood.” -Dallin H. Oaks
- Holiday parties coming soon. I've started shopping outfits. Including this little ditty by Suzy Chin for Maggy Boutique. Eeeeeeeekkk I die. And so will everyone when they see it!!! I think I might break it out this weekend and see where it takes me....
- I love my family. I love my friends. I love the beach. In three weeks I will be on the beach with my family and friends. I'm ready. My skin is ready. My six pack is almost ready.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
And I notice she's your lover, but she's nowhere near your heart
This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars
I think it's very dangerous if we do not take whats ours
I'd love to look into your face without your eyes turnin away
Last night I watched you sing because a person has to try
And I walked home in the rain because a person cannot lie
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
the perfect Pho place
the perfect Yoga place
the perfect Tanning place
good shoes at Nordstrom
the perfect barbeque place
the ability to stay warm year round.
guys. i swear i'm optimistic and i chose this and life could not be more in-line. but like HOW DO I LIVE?
Saturday, October 15, 2011
My family having the means to travel and see eachother
The way a fake tan looks real
Presidential Election Excitement
Kyria and I currently being into the same music
My selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
....my soul has returned, so I called it a lesson learned
And I was reminded! That as soon as you are happy again! All of your problems turn from being 'problems' to Lessons Learned! And it's like really exciting! Real life example... I was having major issues with my hair today and then I changed my part and attacked it with the CHI and then it was fixed and now I know what to do in that situation. Lesson Learned.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Happy Birthday to the man who changed my life, who gave up dessert for no reason, who flew to visit just me when I was alone, who didn't know how to say anything negative, who loved to kick back and watch TV after a long day.
Happy Birthday to the greatest person I've ever known. He taught me to have self respect. He taught me to love everything. He taught me the gospel. He taught me to live life zestfully. He showed what joy meant. He showed what it looked like to love a family. He wore his heart on his sleeve and apologized regularly. He was flawed. He was imperfect. He was funny. He was at times irreverent. Miss ya P-diddy.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
What's he buying her? Gosh, I hope it's her birthday because if he's buying her one of those "I-Just-Wanted-To-Show-You-How-Much-I-Love-You-On-A-Saturday-Afternoon" gifts, I might just melt to stone.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I swear when I am hanging out with her it's like watching a home video of myself. Seems ridiculous that a child can be so independent yet needy and likeable while manipulative. I'll stop talking before I divulge more of my complex genetic makeup.
Bless my mother and father who talked me into acting normal since age 6, and taught me that if you don't like something about yourself you have the power to change it. And bless my future husband who gets to love mini-me's.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Favorite reason to get out of bed: Morning jog with my sisters
Favorite iPhone app: Instagram.
Favorite time waster: Gilmore Girls season 6, Thank you Lauren!
Favorite Book: To The Rescue by: Heidi S. Swenson, Thank you, Mom!
Favorite Human: Carly A. Williams. (Note: The twinkies and cheesecake at my Birthday Party secured this title. Try and call me high maintenance.)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
At 17 I stopped going to High School and started running.
At 18 I started college and stopped studying.
At 19 I stopped spending money frivolously.
At 20 I thought everyone over the age of 22 was the next Mr. Elyse Dial.
At 21 I started traveling for sport.
At 22 I stopped biting my nails and started practicing yoga.
At 23 I stopped sleeping more than 7 hours a night and started paying someone to listen to me.
At 24, TBD...
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
You make no excuses.
You love my silly moods.
You love my mom and my sisters and brothers in a way I can't recreate.
You never got sick. You never slept a full night and you worked harder than the President and you never stopped.
You surprised me with your wit.
You surprised me when you were spendy. Thrifty was your way and thrifty was fun.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
So, for me, relatable.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Yesterday, while ironing before church, I recalled those 10 minutes. I felt joy knowing that I don't have much to give, but thanks to that lesson I was able to do something for the man who's shirts I will always want to iron.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
If today is payday and you've got that Friday jump in your step go ahead and splurge for "Kiss Quick".
If you're offended by the insinuation that you cannot afford an $11.99 album, and you would prefer something more upbeat than the two sappy songs I suggested, go ahead and splurge. It's called Modern Love. Thank me later.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Today, I made an interesting correlation with my headstand practice and my life. When I am preparing to stand on my head, I situate my hands in the right position to create a cradle, and a secondary source of balance. I choose to focus on only the things that are happening in my immediate presence. My hands are flat and stable..... My head is on the ground.... My eyes are focused on one immobile object.... My stomach is firm and secure.... Every muscle is engaged.... I steadily lift my legs from the ground. The focus goes back onto my body. I stare at one point. I reengage my muscles. As my legs rise I refocus, retighten. I hold my gaze and point my toes. I am in utter bliss. I am in control. For those moments, there is nothing that I can imagine taking this moment from me.
And then something breaks in. A thought, an insecurity, or a fear. And just as suddenly my balance flees along with my control and I am on the floor. It happens too fast to even remember what broke my concentration but it doesn't matter. All I know is I fell and I need to get back up.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
We laughed about that for years and my dad would facetiously give me credit for the subsequent job offer and move to Texas. I am now realizing that really this was the beginning of me getting away with saying ridiculous things and still maintaining my street cred.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Sometimes, however, life hurts. Today, my heart hurts because I feel physical pain as a result of emotional pain. Perhaps this is because I enjoy my life so much and so often that any deviation from my normal serendipity and joy abrupts in such a way that emotional pain does not suffice..
A rainy day in San Diego hurts worse than a rainy day in Portland.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
So grateful for those Saturdays at the lake, burning in the sun and snacking on a lunch we had packed, memorizing the words to old songs. There was a story to every song- and most stories ended with, "and that's why you don't play with fire."
Monday, May 23, 2011
I began to relay the history of manual labor in our family; laying slate tile at 14, shoveling sand on Christmas at 16, walking uphill both ways in the snow without shoes, etc... Nikka gave me pity. We laughed, we cried, I expressed jealousy of Nikka for being raised on the tail end of the Dial day labor organization. To prove she can hold her own she said "Okay, Mom, tell me the details of this 'trench' so we can get started."
Mom: "It needs to be at least 3...... inches deep."
Four people looked at her in amazement. Nikka said, "Alright, let's go dig our bird bath."
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
My dear sweet mother texted me yesterday and said " 'Scoggin500 :) :) :)' WHAT DOES THIS MEAN".
I texted back the word happy, because that's how I feel.
Kyria texted me today and said "Is this a joke? If so you should really hash tag it."
That's right. The unlearned knows what a hash tag is.
A restaurant here in Austin texted me a picture of a too small wheat bun. And I cared. No, not just cared, I made a fuss about it. This is the point where my job gets into my blood.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
That's the same feeling I'm having listening to Christina Perri. You've heard her song "Jar of Hearts". What you haven't heard is the versatility of her music on the full album. Download "Miles", "Bang, Bang, Bang", and the "Arms" video.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Men like to be right. Women like to be heard. Men say it once and assume that will suffice. Women beat the horse dead and then bring it up twice more. Men are right- Women are emotionally driven. Women are right- Men are simple minded. Is one better? No. Do Women complicate everything? Yes.
Don't badger the generalization. Embrace the candor.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I am confessing. For dinner I had old Peeps and sour patch kids and washed it down with a milk shake.
I couldn't hold it in any longer, Mom. I eat like a child and now it's out for everyone to see.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Each move brings the same internal conversation.
"Because you chose this, you idiot. You said you needed a change. You wanted new furniture and a new bed and new setting. You wanted a new view and you wanted to spend a nasty amount of money buying things for a new place you will move from in a blink."
I am freakkkkking out.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I went wide alright. So wide, in fact, that I somehow clipped the side of a dumpster with the passenger side of the trailer and drug it 8 feet.
It caused damage. It cost money to repair. It took maneuvering to get the boat back on the trailer. And as I apologized to my dad, he told me I was better prepared than before. His compassion for my imperfections trickled into every experience we had. He isn't hasty and quick to blame like men are want to be. He sees me as extremely capable and is surprised anytime I failed.
Friday, April 22, 2011
This thought derived from the most self absorbed thought I think I've ever had. While looking at my blog stats I thought, "wow, that's how many people did something good today by reading what I have to say." Dear Me, REALLY?!? You equate people reading this website to doing something good for the humanity? Maybe if it was full of quotes from Martin Luther King and President Monson... Yeah. But Drake and Taylor Swift? No.
I have an outlet and a sharp mind and I choose to talk about yoga and bread and my hair and my dad and my relationships. I need a reality check and a slap in the face.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Everything Will Be Alright. Not some things. Not the easy things. EVERYTHING. And now I have the Killers song stuck in my head. And also a Jesse McCartney song. Because multitasking is my mind's favorite trick.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
We want to be humble and happy but we don't want to have to change or sacrifice.
We don't want to be the only one left alone but we don't want to be the one to stand up, give up our habits, cook dinner, share the remote and forgive repeatedly.
Friday, April 15, 2011
6 hours later I was visiting her in the hospital after she had suffered a stroke leaving the left side of her body immobile. I remember seeing her family very concerned. I remember the hospital room was bigger than in the movies. Bigger than the room I visited my mother in 2 years prior when Nikka was born. I remember everyone sent flowers and balloons and the room was pugent. The scents didn't match and it bothered me.
She lay there so helpless. I felt so helpless. I just sat and watched her. She was a completely different person. To explain a stroke my parents used the example of my Nana, who suffered the same fatality. I couldn't associate my best friend with my Nana. So she will become Cranky and fragile? 8 years old. I couldn't wrap my small mind around sickness, death, mortality. So young and niave. Tragedy is so abnormal to me. Something that effects other people. Something I shouldn't have to spend time with.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Small talk. Work and the weather.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Can't stop thinking about that day. So normal. Chipotle for lunch. Wore black and brown to be defiant. The look on my moms face. The tears in my brothers eyes. The way the room spins. It was the closest I've ever been to Hollywood. So dramatic. So awkward. There were dirges playing in my mind. There have been dirges Playing since then
Monday, April 11, 2011
A dog so talented that the only safe place for the chocolate is above the refrigerator... In a safe... From Fort Knox...
So... Anyone interested?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
And, today, that behavior is not acceptable.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Woke up next to Nikka. Miraculously.
Listening to Thank Me Later, which wasn't possible for the past month.
Going back to my second home today; the state of my maturation, the place where my original best friends and my man and my grandma reside.
The sun is back after a 4 day moratorium.
Bought a pair of size 6 pants yesterday.
My dog only ate one cotton ball this morning. Miracle.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Especially about my hair and bread and my relationship
I envy my mom for her youthful eyes and her big house
I want both of my sisters to live in my 800 square foot apartment with me.
I think yoga changed my perspective on exercise and my body
The jovial part of me comes alive at Friday around 3 pm.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Weather changes everything. I can see the reflection of myself in my computer screen and my bronzer is glimmering. I can't get over how great this is. I can't see how anyone could be unhappy. Life is stressful and mind-numbing but sometimes you just need to sit outside in the sun and count your blessings.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I loved seeing you relaxed. Coming over to my apartment to get dinner together and you were early and you would lay down on my couch and tell me a funny story from the drive over. Or when you'd come up and visit me at school and you'd get up at 4 and work 5 hours so by the time I got up all your work was done and we could laugh.
You were so quietly capable. You had no specific talent, just an ability to work hard and get things done. Without you around it's amazing the things that we have to make up for.
You always made me feel loved. You always made me feel protected. Safe. Cared for. Funny. Beautiful. Righteous.
Friday, March 18, 2011
I didn't think to take the gum. I felt like if I kept it untouched it would preserve that day and maybe I would wake up and it will be next year and this actually didn't happen. I'm mad at myself that I think like that still.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I have begun again. And this time- Season 3 is even more calmly intense, even more complicated, and even smarter. Mad Men is brilliant because it is brilliant people with some extreme talent, good fortune, and complicated pasts and relationships.
For starters- Don and Betty Draper. Individually they are complicated, confused, successful and beautiful. Together they crave to be blissful but neither is built for that. They are so vulnerable to each other that even after years of marriage they put on a good face. They aren't built for romance because of this vulnerability, so when they let go of that they are uncomfortable but hot. They are smart, charismatic, sleep deprived, stubborn, imperfect... He is adored and she is sought after. They enter a room loudly without making an audible noise. Everyone is watching their next step and not fooled by their act but still envious because inspite of their obvious defects, overt and uncalled for affairs, they are completely, totally, and abidingly in love.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
And then 6 oclock happened. I changed from my Oxford shirt and 3 inch heels, put on skinny jeans and stilettos, and hit the mall like a careless teen. Bought a ring because it was shiny and laughed and talked about things that probably won't have any eternal significance. Laughed-- no, giggled. Spoke my mind for 2 straight hours. Whatever I thought is what came out.
The two me's are so opposite. They are both relentless in staying away from eachother. They won't share a warddrobe. They use different phones. One rests and feels and the other one sees that as a weakness. One seeks understanding, accomplishment, and laud, the other wants handbags. One listens to MGMT and the other to Manchester Orchestra. They balance eachother in an odd, deeply functional way. They are both likable and charming and, like any good pair, they are only complete together.
It's exhausting being me.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Then I thought about my reality. My life and my family and my friends and the ability to effectively communicate with vendors when I'm in America. I began to feel extremely grateful for a regimen. I felt grateful for things in life that are consistent. I felt it necessary to acknowledge that I don't handle surprise or lack of planning very well. I like a version of spontaneity that is very controllable.
This is new for me. New for me to not miss home when I'm on vacation and not miss vacation when I'm at home. My Dad often says "Wherever You Are, Be There," and I never understood it until now.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
You have good advice. The irony of our situation is that you are the most opinionated person I have ever interacted with, but because you know me, and trust me, your opinion is muted. Your opinion is whatever my opinion is. If we disagree, it is in private or with Mom as a buffer. You would never call me out in public. You would never make me feel like I shouldnt be heard or respected.
No one has that art down as well as you do. People are full of unsolicited advice. People are too sensitive. People are wrong. You were right and candid and a communicator.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Let me explain. This originated yesterday when I received a picture message of the birth mom of the most recent addition to [our] family. Her name is Natalie and she is the miracle that reminds us all that God is in control. I looked at the picture my entire drive to work and felt overwhelming joy for this stranger's trials. What I feel bold enough to suggest was the biggest trial, and toughest decision of her life, yielded us a miracle.
Just like a friend who knows the right thing to say because of their struggles, I know there is purpose in every tough day, or week, or year. I feel grateful for my struggles because I know somewhere, someday, the hardest things in my life will bless someone else.
What Will Be, Will Be.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Excuse me miss I’d like to tell you about your life in 6 years. She’d plop her cute little butt down in front of you and compliment your hair-do while waiting for you to speak. She might make a sassy comment and then laugh it off and flip her hair to cover up the second glance she just exchanged with a tall brunette..
And then you would tell her all the painful truths, and all the sweet joys and I think she would ask to stay young forever.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
In August I decided to become a master chef. August is when it started and August is when it ended. I made a delicious dish in which had to take a piece of completely edible raw chicken, took a meat tenderizer mallet and pounded it down. Took it from normal to grotesque with each pound. I almost gave up the dish, in fact, because the chicken was so disgusting. Because of my amateur cooking knowledge, I continued to follow the recipe. Next I took the flat animal and dipped it in basil and flour and egg whites and cooked it on 450 degrees for 35 minutes. I was having boys over for dinner so I was very concerned about my dish. I kept an eye on the oven for the entire 30 minutes and miraculously the end result was an amazingly flavorful, perfectly textured, delicious meal.
As I was speaking with a friend yesterday I kept seeing the meat tenderizer mallet and I felt like that chicken. I was the cook and the meal. I was being pounded and prodded and pulled in every direction until I appeared completely unnecessary. I have yet to reach the part where I douse myself in flower and basil and cook until perfection. But I am looking forward to when the timer in this part of my life goes off and I begin to enjoy the final product.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
It sounds like Goodies- by Ciara and Konstantine by Something Corporate
It feels like a hairdo turned down by 60% humidity
It smells like the stage right before rain
It lives for sunny Saturdays and Cloudy Sundays
It craves love and warmth and spring
It looks like ear to ear grins
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Meet Kyria. The girl who's stilletoes I am not worthy to shine. She is rambunctious, beloved, determined, hilarious, and sassy. Our friendship began in high school when she proved to be good enough company to bring around my friends. Then again in college when we lived together and she was forced to grow up too fast and learn what emotions look like. People LOVE her. I repeat, people LOVE her. Kids love her, adults love her, grown men, young boys, people I am trying to date.. Everyone loves Kyria. I have never met a person who meant her and said, "ew".
She loves horses and chocolate desserts and repetition and exercise and spicy sushi. She used to sleep in a 3 foot space by choice. She sees the world as she should, real and flawed but beautiful. She's vulnerable and not easily persuaded. She smells like Japanese Cherry Blossoms. I envy the man who she will take care of tenderly and the children who get to be hers.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Dear Henri- Stop whining.
Dear Tax Return- I cannot wait to introduce you to Coco Chanel and Christian Louboutin. I think you will be great friends.
Dear Warm Weather- please never leave me.
Dear Dad- I love you.
Dear Mother-Nature-In-Charge-Of-Utah- please send a blizzard that will force everyone to move south.
Dear Right Knee- you're too young to start feeling like this. I need you to hang in there for me a couple more years.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tell people your secrets. It solidifies them and connects you to the world.
23 degrees is too cold. 23 years is too few.
Strangers are often more understanding than friends.
Friends are better than anything.
Snow is magical in Utah. In Texas it causes havoc and people buy a lot of bread.
Last week I had a conversation with her that left me laughing long enough to tweet and write this post. We were speaking of a certain new suitor who she scoped out in my ward and then dared me to marry. I took the challenge, of course. Kyria spilled that I was with him one night and she called me the next day and said, "You know the feeling when you walk into Target and your heart skips a beat? That's the feeling I kept having knowing you were in the same room as him."
I laughed for a good 45 seconds. I do feel a bit like Regina George in Mean Girls as her mother professes, "I'm a cool mom." The only difference is that she is so young as far as young adult mothers go, that she really can hang with the girls.
She is smart, talented, motivated and grounded. She thinks with her heart and therefore offers a counter perspective to my tactful decision making. She sleeps in the most comfortable bed known to mankind. She loves having us around but craves solitude and relaxation.
I inherited from her my height, my motivation, my ability to see things how they really are, my love for my father, and my anxiety. She is funny, outgoing, and beloved by all. She likes dramatic television, talk shows, and big city travels. I will never forget the one time in college we met in New York City for the weekend and shopped and saw a million shows and ate delicious food and laughed.
She is who's approval I seek. She is who I pray for. She is who I wish to see as often as possible.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Now dating means explaining why I work so much and the pill bottles that I don't hide well and the standing Tuesday appointment and why yoga is a mandatory activity. If it weren't for my charming sense of humor and pretty hair I would be a lost cause.
(As I click "Publish" I am counting the seconds until my mother texts me and says, "YOU KNOW PEOPLE READ YOUR BLOG, RIGHT!?!")
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
That night we slept in a foreign bed in a foreign room. I needed something strange so I wouldn't have any associations to this feeling. I wept with my sisters. We talked about forever. We talked about God's plan of salvation. Nikka told us how it happened. We felt Him watching us. Wanting to reach out to us. Missing us just the same.
The next day came the friends. The families. The news stations. The food. Everyone asked how we were. We still laugh about that question. How do you think? I called my friends who I needed there. I repulsed food. I showered 3 times a day. I forgave previous foes. I refused dreams. I took medicine. I laughed with Lauren. I don't remember much of the two days after. Except that I wanted to laugh and I wanted honesty.
Monday, January 24, 2011
And then something happens. It's called Monday morning. something about Monday morning eats my empowerment. Can I do this? Where are the carbs? I need more sleep. It's so funny how my moods change so dramatically in a matter of 12 hours. I strive to be more consistent and feel a steady stream of joy and excitement about everything, even the things I struggle at. Imagine if my Friday night mood carried over to my Monday meetings. They would be in for a TREAT.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
He thinks I'm crazy. I trust Him because he shares the painful truths of life effortlessly. He's obsessed with His family, Facebook, and football games. He knows more than he wants people to believe.
I think Nikka said it best the first time she met Him:
"Justin is rude. Like, really rude. And yet He is still really kind and likable. How does he DO that!?"
He appreciates small gestures of kindness. He takes rap music more serious that the general listening public. If he didn't focus on the future so much he would marry a model and live a lavish life. I'm grateful he isn't. He acts wisely. Not easily persuaded. Funny. Very funny. Simple. The amount of stories he can tell would usually only come from someone twice his age, but he doesn't share that with just anyone, not even me.
The only problem with Justin is that he is similar to me in the worst ways possible: Stubborn, Vain, Pragmatic. The first time I met Him it annoyed me that He was wearing basketball shorts and purposefully not paying me attention. That experience describes our relationship since that day.
Friday, January 21, 2011
"She has packed his bag for every trip he's taken, she has fixed his breakfast every day, even if its meant being up at 4:30 am so he could be off"
Can I be selfless for 5 seconds and think about someone else? We will see.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Then I'm outside. My voice has escaped me. I'm shouting. Making noises that I can't make out. I feel 20 people watching me. I can't stop. I'm yelling. Kicking the air. My phone keeps ringing. I throw it on the ground. Nikka comes out with a bag. She tells me to breath. I forgot how. I feel it all over.
The only thing I remembered how to do in that moment was to pray. I tried to pray aloud but I was still screaming. So as my voice is running my heart is petitioning. I couldn't pray for myself, I didn't have that kind of faith yet. I prayed for my mom. I prayed for my brothers. I prayed that Kyria would breathe. I made a promise to not blame God. They said it was time to come back inside. I did what I was told. I held my family. Everyone hurt so bad. We felt it all together and in every inch of my body. I decided to breathe again.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The other Pointy nose, pointy chin, blonde hair girl in those family pictures. She pretends to dislike Cheesecake except when she's with me. She loves watching me shop. She doesn't kick OR talk in her sleep. I'm worried about her because she is too much like me, but I know she will be great because she's enough of herself. She's not jealous, needy, or boring. She's mature enough to bring her around my friends, but immature enough to be loved by everyone. She thinks I'm crazy. She sleeps in.
The list of boyfriends who've loved her more than I is embarrassingly long. I should have been worried. Especially about that beautiful, tall man and every time we went shopping he would say, "We should get Nikka something". Leaving him was hard for both of us.
She makes me a better friend. She makes me think clearly. She makes everything okay. She makes the best crepes and peanut butter cookies. She gets sick of me telling her I miss her. She wears my clothes flawlessly. She appreciates leather and fine jewelry.
She let's me talk in the morning because she knows I have to. She forgives effortlessly. One time she told me I was pretty and I believed her. She makes fun of me kindly. She quotes my blog to me. The day she was born I got to skip school and we had Chicken Pot Pie for dinner. That was a good day.
Friday, January 14, 2011
I thought it couldn't get better. I had just documented in my blog that I was so content with my life because I had so much ahead of me and the possibilities were endless. I didn't know what the future would hold and that was exhilarating. After work I stopped by the store to get something for dinner.I wanted to make homemade salsa. I remember my feet hurting. My heels were high and I'd been on my feet all day. I needed to feed the dog.
My mom called. She asked me to come home, it was important. I told her there would be traffic, I would come later. She calmly mentioned an accident. I thought about abandoning my grocery cart but I had let myself pick out a pint of Ice Cream and I was not giving that up. I took my time strolling through the store. I had a song stuck in my head.
I unloaded the groceries into my apartment. I took two trips instead of one, so not to strain myself. I fed the dog, ate some ice cream, changed my shoes. It was rush hour. I was not looking forward to traffic. But I headed up anyways.
My sister called in a panic. She was worried. I didn't know why. Nothing had happened. Accident. This is Dad. These things happen anytime he goes anywhere. I told her to relax. She told me to hurry. My mom called. She told me not to worry, but to hurry. They were at the hospital, now. I said something sassy. Told her that all of Austin was heading north right now and she would have to be patient. As we said "goodbye", Her voice made a noise I'd never heard. A shiver, a crack. She usually speaks very purposefully, that was the only indication.
I turned up my music loud to drown my racing thoughts.
I arrived at the hospital. More indicators. I recognized a lot of cars. Neighbors, family, friends, my boss. People really know how to overeact. I walked into the hospital and was greeted by a pale-faced friend who grabbed me and walked me like I wouldn't be able to walk on my own. I felt hurt. I wanted to shake her off because I was fine. Everyone was overreacting.