Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Family Christmas Card


Monday, December 19, 2011

Family Matters

My mom urged each of her children to write a paragraph about ourselves and send it to her so she could compile the Christmas Newsletter. I know, seems like a dream right? You get 350 words to write about yourself? But.. No thanks, I don't like writing about myself...

The deadline for entering our Autobiography came and went with none of us turning it in. Now, she has the liberty to say whatever she wants about me to the 3,000 people who consider us their "best friends". For my mother's tender eyes, I have maintained the image of a very kind, well spoken, successful woman. This is my warning that your Christmas Newsletter may not be the whole truth.

Merry Christmas from the Dials!

Friday, December 16, 2011

if you'll let me- i'll take care of you

Guys, my emotional side is peep-toeing. Maybe it's the holiday or maybe it's the weather but I just want to love everybody. I'm not easily upset and sometimes I find myself smiling because my life is such a special thing. It's a wonderful feeling.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


My entire life is like that episode of sex and city where Aidan takes Carrie to the country and she makes it work.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Relationship Advice

"maintain control as long as you can... because we both know once you relinquish control it will just become a s*** show"

words of wisdom from carly a williams

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


On Sunday, Kyria and I were having a conversation with Matt who was saying that for Thanksgiving his grandma made Turkey AND Ham. He asked whether we preferred Turkey or Ham for Thanksgiving and Christmas.Kyria and I just looked at eachother and exchanged knowing glances because we haven't had "traditional" holiday meals in years.

Matt: "I feel spoiled because I got both. And for Christmas she will probably make both."

Kyria: "I feel spoiled because Christmas I was in Mexico and Thanksgiving I was in Belize."

That girl really knows how to shut people up.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


Guys, I have some big plans for 2012. First, let's recap. I had one big plan for 2011; get my emotions figured out. Turns out, getting my emotions figured out really means giving myself permission to feel everything at the right time and not just all at once.

In 2012 I would like MORE:
Temple Attendance
Quality time with my friends
Homemade Sunday Dinners
Trips: (NYC, Chicago, and Boston)
Live Music.

I would like LESS:
Late Friday nights
Fast food

I would like NO:
Ex boyfriends
Fights with my sisters
Sleepless nights
Harm to my body.

Also, I would like:
The same amount of self acceptance
The same amount of yoga
The same amount of laughter.

Monday, December 5, 2011


In April 2011 I lived alone in a beautiful apartment in downtown Austin. I slept in a bed made for three and my dog saw me naked on the daily. I was so used to being alone that I hated when someone would get in the car with me and I loved it.

Then something happened. Like, the reality of paying 2 grand a month on rent, and the fact that I slept in my closet because my bed was too big, and the ability for me to invite over whoever I wanted whenever I wanted and not have any consequences, and then there were the times when I did inevitably get lonely and I had to deal with the worst of all human emotions.

I did what I thought I would never do once Lauren, the best roommate ever, got married and was off the living market. I got a roommate.

ENTER: Carly. A transplant to Austin from New York City and before that San Diego.
Glamorous, right!?!

She met my family after 1 week. We bore our souls after 2 weeks. By 3 weeks I let her in on some of my weird eating habits. She introduced me to the Kardashians and TEVO. She thought I was smart except when I was acting stupid. She encouraged me to evaluate my relationship, my job, my happiness, etc. We talked at length about our friends and family. By 1 month in she was sleeping in my bed periodically and picking out my nail polish colors.
She's funny and girly and a carries a normal amount of insecurities. She is more socially and emotionally aware of other people than anyone I've ever met. She's my friend because she's patient and a little crazy. She listens like a champ and laughs hard. She motivated and pretty and sleeps through alarms just like me. She drives a yellow convertible and thinks it's funny when I offend people. She likes twitter, fast food, the mall, working, talking about Jesus, taking care of people, and swearing.

Guys, I've got some big plans with this one.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Self Awareness

I am a full fledged, voter registered card carrying member of the clan of people over the drinking age who consider themselves adults. I have a collection of furniture, I have a Coke addiction, my opinion is valued at my job, I have a reoccurring alarm, I have friends all over the country, I travel for holidays, I am insured, I drive a fuel effecient car, my sheets are over 500 thread count, I don't bite my nails. I can't go to a social setting without having an intellectually stimulating conversation. I don't enjoy mediocre relationships.

...And, I've always wanted to profess Self Actualization and I would say I'm getting there.

Friday, December 2, 2011


"When I go out of town, I have to call it a trip because my whole life is like is a vacation"

A quote from the hardest working man I know. He slept a little, worked a lot, and enjoyed every second of it.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

things my friends know about me

1. when signing my name, I still dot the 'i' with a heart

2. i. hate. spoons.

3. if you ask one of my siblings who the most annoying person they know is, they will say, in unison, Elyse Dial.

4. the first 90 minutes I'm awake in the day, I am chatty and excited and joyful. After those 90 minutes, my mood is a high stakes game of Roulette.

5. my kryptonites are tall men and expensive jewerly. Even better, Tall men delivering Expensive jewerly

you know you love me, xoxo

Friday, November 18, 2011

my funny life

There's a comedy club my family and I are obsessed with. It's called Comedy Sportz. There's one in Provo and one in Chicago and it seems like every time my family is together in one of those places we go see a show.

Last weekend I took some friends there who had never been. For one of the skits, they asked for an iPhone. The actors scrolled through text messages and used the texts as their dialogue. I am WAY too private about my phone to hand it over to be broadcast, but ever since then anytime I get a text message that, out of context, would make for some laughs, I laugh to myself. Some examples.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

An Observation

The list of things my sisters won't be allowed to do at my wedding is lengthy. I've just added two things:

1. Sing
2. Allude to ex boyfriends

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Watch out SUN, it's my turn to shine

Been listening to some Beyonce lately. There's a line in her song that makes me laugh because it is so outrageous; "If you leave me you're out of your mind". It also makes me laugh. Here's why:

Shortly after my 21st birthday I was in love with a beautiful man who decided that he could not continue with the plans we made. Three days after the break-up, when I was stable enough to tell my family and friends, I was driving on the freeway listening to Not As We by Alanis Morrissette and my dad called. I reluctantly answered the call hoping he was butt dialing.

"Hey, daddy!" (must...... not...... admit...... weakness......)
"Hey, babe. Your mom told me what happened. How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Well I used to think he was a smart guy but clearly he's out of his mind."

Dad, if you're helping Beyonce write music now, I'd like a song about me.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Have i said too much?

at least twice a week when i am wrapping up a conversation i say, "sorry, that was an over share." not cute.

Shopping at Ikea and Forever 21 stresses me out. So many options. I would rather go to Neimans or Z Gallerie but unfortunately my time is not valuable enough to justify those stores.

if i know people's secrets, it makes it a lot easier for me to forgive them of their follies.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Couple That Doesn't Go On Ellen Together, Stays Together

I'm a fan of the Kardashian family. On a scale of 1 to #TeamKUWTK I am normally a 4. So, when I heard the news of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries breaking up yesterday and I felt the need to scream, there was a problem. When I walked around the office and shared the news with my new coworkers who previously respected me, there was a problem. I turned into a crazy #TeamKUWTK fan for a second.

..And therein lies the problems associated with cultivating relationships with what I would consider fictional characters.

Now that I have calmed down, my fundamental issue lies in the fact that I believe in marriage. I believe it to be the "ideal pattern for human living". I believe that a person should marry once and make decisions with the sole purpose of maintaining that relationship.

I believe that influential people should take this charge even more fervently. Older siblings, parents, mentors, athletes, celebrities- anyone who has someone watching need to take this very seriously. The greater your sphere of influence, the better decisions you must make.

Kim and Kris- You've let me down.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Breathe Me

I had two goals last week.

  1. exercise

  2. buy furniture

I did neither. I did, however, recover from a paralyzing illness, buy some beautiful, winter appropriate clothing (think leather, think fur, think denim. nom nom nom) make some unlikely but very fun loving friends, call my mother, beat a tough level on angry birds, sleep in on Saturday, bake winter treats, go dancing in my new city, celebrate Drake's birthday, and surprise my baby girl with her BFF.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thursday Favorites.

  1. New York Time quoted Dallin H. Oaks to help understand Mormon Style. See the article here. “There is nothing inherently wrong about long hair or beards, any more than there is anything inherently wrong with possessing an empty liquor bottle. But a person with a beard or an empty liquor bottle is susceptible of being misunderstood.” -Dallin H. Oaks

  2. Holiday parties coming soon. I've started shopping outfits. Including this little ditty by Suzy Chin for Maggy Boutique. Eeeeeeeekkk I die. And so will everyone when they see it!!! I think I might break it out this weekend and see where it takes me....

  3. I love my family. I love my friends. I love the beach. In three weeks I will be on the beach with my family and friends. I'm ready. My skin is ready. My six pack is almost ready.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

We Interrupt This Drake Album For A Moment To Feel Something

Don't second guess your feelings you were right from the start
And I notice she's your lover, but she's nowhere near your heart
This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars
I think it's very dangerous if we do not take whats ours

And I'm winning you with words because I have no other way
I'd love to look into your face without your eyes turnin away
Last night I watched you sing because a person has to try
And I walked home in the rain because a person cannot lie


Saturday, October 22, 2011

admitting emotional limitations

Yesterday, I got to work 15 minutes early and I was worried that I was late. I wore blue and I wanted to wear red. I curled my hair and I wanted it straight. I couldn't remember how I had arranged my pillows and I wanted to go home and make sure they were perfect. You know, Normal feelings for a normal morning.

Walking to my desk, I stopped by the supply closet and grabbed these.

Half an hour later it had successfully turned into this.

The significance of this is that about 6 months ago my security blanket was a ball of rubber bands that I carried in my purse and pulled out while I was reducing my dependancy on medication. I have distint memories of being at dinner with friends or church or work or even driving around and there being rubber bands all over my lap because I was stressed for no reason.

One time, my therapist was trying to understand this and she asked when I felt the most anxious. The answer shocked both of us. Friday afternoons around 4:30 and Sundays. You know, the time of week when the rest of the world is feeling good. BREAKTHROUGH.

She then inquired about my dosage and I said, don't worry, I just bought a new package of rubber bands.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Monday, October 17, 2011

today i saw a woman get dropped of at Jenny Craig in a taxicab

things the salty city does not have:
the perfect Pho place
the perfect Yoga place
the perfect Tanning place
good shoes at Nordstrom
the perfect barbeque place
the ability to stay warm year round.

guys. i swear i'm optimistic and i chose this and life could not be more in-line. but like HOW DO I LIVE?

Saturday, October 15, 2011


How To Hate. by Weezy F
iOs 5
My poppa
My family having the means to travel and see eachother
The way a fake tan looks real
My bod
Coke (a-cola)
Presidential Election Excitement
Kyria and I currently being into the same music
My selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Moving Day

Moving again. I won't waste time blogging about it because it's all the same stuff. I will just link to old times I've blogged about moving and you can just assume that I am experiencing the same emotions.

Actually, my biggest concern with this move is that I am going to be buying hangers again. I hate buying hangers.


2008- Warning: I was a little dramatic back then....
2008- ....and sometimes depressed.

Monday, October 10, 2011


My friend and I recently shared our individual choices for the most romantic songs ever. In light of that I am currently listening to: To Whom It May Concern by The Civil Wars.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Great, Now When People Google 'Swizz Beatz', this website will come up...

Picture this: Me, dressed to the nines, on the day of my first ever Taylor Swift concert. Giddy and twitterpaided trying not to think about the cares of reality. Driving around running errands before I leave for the show. I turn on As I Am by Alicia Keys, which is definitely a top 10 album. Lesson Learned comes on. I try to push from my mind that the song was written about Swizz Beats (yikes X 75). Remembering the optimistic words of this song.

....my soul has returned, so I called it a lesson learned

And I was reminded! That as soon as you are happy again! All of your problems turn from being 'problems' to Lessons Learned! And it's like really exciting! Real life example... I was having major issues with my hair today and then I changed my part and attacked it with the CHI and then it was fixed and now I know what to do in that situation. Lesson Learned.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Happy Birthday, Dad!!

Happy Birthday to my idol. the love of my Mother's life, the father of my best friends, the man who taught me to hold my tongue and laugh uncontrollably and get dressed up because I am special and to wake up early and work until there were blisters on my hands.

Happy Birthday to the man who changed my life, who gave up dessert for no reason, who flew to visit just me when I was alone, who didn't know how to say anything negative, who loved to kick back and watch TV after a long day.

Happy Birthday to the greatest person I've ever known. He taught me to have self respect. He taught me to love everything. He taught me the gospel. He taught me to live life zestfully. He showed what joy meant. He showed what it looked like to love a family. He wore his heart on his sleeve and apologized regularly. He was flawed. He was imperfect. He was funny. He was at times irreverent. Miss ya P-diddy.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tales of a Beautiful Nomad

There's a large part of my mind that believes that I only need a job to pay for my personal trainer, I only need a husband to pay for plastic surgery, I only need children to dress them in Burberry and I only need to live in Utah so I can wear fur to church. I try to fight that woman with her shallow desires. She costs a lot and doesn't eat very much.

Monday, September 26, 2011


Remind me later to tell you about all the insane things going on in my life. In the meantime, a good Laugh for your monday morning.

Thursday, September 22, 2011


So your smile is already a little hard to muster and you go to your happy place and there's your ex boyfriend shopping accessories by himself but undoubtedly shopping for his wife. You have to avoid the section because the last conversation y'all had ended with him crying and you checking the time and so, to maintain my reputation, oh and dignity, I go to shoes.

What's he buying her? Gosh, I hope it's her birthday because if he's buying her one of those "I-Just-Wanted-To-Show-You-How-Much-I-Love-You-On-A-Saturday-Afternoon" gifts, I might just melt to stone.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Just, Like, Take a Look Mate

Remember my best friend in the whole world?

Remember how she's the hottest thing in the whole world?

Monday, September 19, 2011

My Weekend

There were tears. There were fights. There was laughing. And no matter what is happening in our lives, we feel okay.

Saturday, September 17, 2011


If you've recently quit your career because you didn't like the person you were becoming and you're looking for validation as to why you would need to do that, go see the new Sarah Jessica Parker movie.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


I originally wrote this post on August 17th but felt like it was an over-share. Then, today, I was reading my last entry about my dad and realized how contrived it felt, knowing what I really wanted to say and knowing that I'd already written it but was embarrassed. This is the honest truth:

Yesterday I spent most of my energy thinking about my dad. As we approach the month in which we lost him, I find myself feeling like time has flown.

I know how most people view death, so let me clarify- this is a positive post. I very rarely have sad thoughts about my Dad. There's rarely a day when I sit down and ask myself "Why?". Generally, and yesterday was no exception, I felt grateful for my strength, grateful for my mom, grateful for friends who have not known what to say and stayed silent but stayed present.

I feel like I have dealt like many would. I have taken medication, I have turned to the Lord, I have slept in and eaten twinkies and gained weight and lost weight and fought and cried and shut people out and let them back in and shared my thoughts and swore while no one was around and swore while people were around and moved and changed and evolved and tried to forget and tried to remember... And now I'm breathing.

I'm sure there will continue to be pain. I don't expect to ever "get over" this. I tried that, and I ended up avoiding my reality. Instead, I acknowledge that I will always have this as a battle scar. I surround myself with people who do not judge or misunderstand my grief or suffering.

I, just like you, was dealt cards that are hard enough so I can struggle, but easy enough that I have the chance to win.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Pardon My French

I ran into a friend recently who I haven't seen for some time. She asked how my family was doing since my Dad's passing. "Isn't the year mark coming up?", she asked. I looked down at my wrist as though my watch would say "September 15" or "Not September 15". "Yeah, it's coming up," I responded, as though she had reminded me. "Aw." I was impressed at how I maintained my composure. I was able to let her believe she had reminded me. I won't be here. I will have my head in the clouds. I've kept it together for 365 days. Kept it together for my job, my family, my relationship. I deserve that day.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Love Affair

Have I been listening to Tha Carter IV since five minutes after it became available to the general public?


So sue me. Little Tunechi 4life.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

It's my blog and I can say what I want to

I've taken on a part time nannying job for a bit to fill my time, make some money, and remind myself how much I love my mother. The children I watch all have very dynamic personalities. Most dynamic, ironically, is the second child. She has an older brother and a younger sister, both very close to her age. She seeks attention, validation, control, and acceptance. We will just call her Elyse. Bless her sweet soul.

I swear when I am hanging out with her it's like watching a home video of myself. Seems ridiculous that a child can be so independent yet needy and likeable while manipulative. I'll stop talking before I divulge more of my complex genetic makeup.

Bless my mother and father who talked me into acting normal since age 6, and taught me that if you don't like something about yourself you have the power to change it. And bless my future husband who gets to love mini-me's.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday Favorites

Favorite song: Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammer

Favorite reason to get out of bed: Morning jog with my sisters

Favorite iPhone app: Instagram.

Favorite time waster: Gilmore Girls season 6, Thank you Lauren!

Favorite Book: To The Rescue by: Heidi S. Swenson, Thank you, Mom!

Favorite Human: Carly A. Williams. (Note: The twinkies and cheesecake at my Birthday Party secured this title. Try and call me high maintenance.)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Selfish List To Pass The Time

Things charming about me:
the ability to see life from different angles
my hair seventy percent of the time

Things not charming about me:
my Superiority Complex
my love for Dwayne Carter

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Self Aware

In my mind there is this perfect me with perfect balance. An equilibrium of emotion, free time, exercise, quality time with loved ones, breathing, hard work, pondering, cooking, cleaning, laughing, relaxing, reading, and serving. She is older than I am, but has my current figure... and a six-pack.

These are some photos of what her world might look like.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Adulthood At A Glance

At 16 I started kissing boys and stopped wearing overalls.
At 17 I stopped going to High School and started running.
At 18 I started college and stopped studying.
At 19 I stopped spending money frivolously.
At 20 I thought everyone over the age of 22 was the next Mr. Elyse Dial.
At 21 I started traveling for sport.
At 22 I stopped biting my nails and started practicing yoga.
At 23 I stopped sleeping more than 7 hours a night and started paying someone to listen to me.
At 24, TBD...

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Highway ride

I like to drive. Usually there's a destination. Somedays I wish there wasn't. I wish I had the capacity to just keep going; drive somewhere new, do something different, find a place to sleep and find a place to eat and then come home when it feels right. Mumford doesn't have enough music for where I need to go or the time I'd like to pass.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

He is so funny and thoughtful and charming. He makes me feel comfortable just because he is with me. Every part of me belongs to him. Spending all my time with him is natural and leaving him hurts me. I know more about his mind and heart than I know about anyone else, maybe even my own. Sometimes I forget that we are just two young people figuring out a young relationship and instead I feel like we are neck deep in forever.

Sunday, July 17, 2011


Self Righteous is a word that rolls off my tongue about as easily as lettuce dipped in vinegar. bleh blah give me some water to wash it down. I have such a hard time finding compassion or relating to people who feel this type of superiority over their peers. I can hope I don't fall prey to this disgusting trait, and if I ever do, I hope someone gives me a well-meaning, but forceful, broken leg.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Dear Dad

I miss your perspective. Simple. Rational. You see the world as black and white. Wrong and right.

You make no excuses.

You love my silly moods.

You love my mom and my sisters and brothers in a way I can't recreate.

You never got sick. You never slept a full night and you worked harder than the President and you never stopped.

You surprised me with your wit.

You surprised me when you were spendy. Thrifty was your way and thrifty was fun.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

'Darkness' is a harsh term don't you think?

I've been listening to a lot of Mumford And Sons this week. Usually when I go through phases of music this intense it is because I relate to the theme of the songs or albums. This time is no different but I wouldn't consider the album "Sign No More" relatable. I would, however, consider it emotional, uncertain, confused, and in love. Filled with key changes and songs that go from Michael Buble to Marilyn Manson in 15 seconds flat.

So, for me, relatable.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lessons In Domestication

On Sunday mornings the, then, 5 Dial kids would one by one make our way into Mom and Dads bed for a tickle and cuddle session. I remember my Dad called Kyria a cuddle bunny and my 11 year old mind felt an emotion close to jealousy. This particular day my Dad got up first and went to get ready. He went into the Laundry room to iron his shirt. He suggested I follow him, which I never ignore, to this day. In the next 10 minutes he taught me a lesson that, until recently, I thought was a large waste of time. He taught me how to iron a dress shirt.

Yesterday, while ironing before church, I recalled those 10 minutes. I felt joy knowing that I don't have much to give, but thanks to that lesson I was able to do something for the man who's shirts I will always want to iron.

Friday, July 1, 2011

First Of Many

Ever so sweet.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Puberty was a long time ago

Summer 2010. Elyse was spendy. Very spendy. I was also vain. Vain enough to get a facial twice a month. My skin has never been so happy... my pores never so minimized.

But, that was not cost efficient. So now, I have the issue of enlarged pores and sad skin. Until of course, yesterday when I invested in Patricia Wexler's Glycolic Peel, very similar to what Carly used (last summer's esthetician).

That just added a big fun exciting loop to the roller coaster that is my emotions.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Monday Blues

Grateful that a black blazer always makes me look better. Hair grows. The gospel brings peace and love and better clarity and understanding of each day. My sisters are grateful for me, too. I have a smart man to knock sense into me and send me into fits of giggles. It's so warm out it sizzles and I love it. Come three weeks I will be in Mexico visiting the best children I know. Contingent upon my faithfulness, my family is eternal. I have an amazing responsibility and opportunity to look after people who think I am very well put together. Yoga. Ice cream. Leopard print. Sharing my cable bill with someone else.

Friday, June 24, 2011


Matt Nathanson came out with a new album. If you are a #cheapskate and only get one song, make it be "Run" feat Jennifer Knettles and Kristian Bush. Yes. Sugarland.

If today is payday and you've got that Friday jump in your step go ahead and splurge for "Kiss Quick".

If you're offended by the insinuation that you cannot afford an $11.99 album, and you would prefer something more upbeat than the two sappy songs I suggested, go ahead and splurge. It's called Modern Love. Thank me later.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Girl From Ipanema

In my current yoga practice I am working on my headstand. The headstand requires strength, balance, patience, and focus. Hence, why I've waited a year to overcome this pose, I lack all of those.

Today, I made an interesting correlation with my headstand practice and my life. When I am preparing to stand on my head, I situate my hands in the right position to create a cradle, and a secondary source of balance. I choose to focus on only the things that are happening in my immediate presence. My hands are flat and stable..... My head is on the ground.... My eyes are focused on one immobile object.... My stomach is firm and secure.... Every muscle is engaged.... I steadily lift my legs from the ground. The focus goes back onto my body. I stare at one point. I reengage my muscles. As my legs rise I refocus, retighten. I hold my gaze and point my toes. I am in utter bliss. I am in control. For those moments, there is nothing that I can imagine taking this moment from me.

And then something breaks in. A thought, an insecurity, or a fear. And just as suddenly my balance flees along with my control and I am on the floor. It happens too fast to even remember what broke my concentration but it doesn't matter. All I know is I fell and I need to get back up.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Keep It Fresh.

The Anna Wintour appropriate version of me.

The hippie version of me.

The Hamptons version of me.

The adorable red headed version of me.

The bread business version of me.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


Black+Blue. CPerri. <3.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

we call nikka the pretty dial. if you would like to know why, take a look at my friend kristen's blog and you will see why.

Nikka, High School Grad

p.s. Kristen, can you make me look like that? HELLO, I'm trying to get married over here!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What's the opposite of a silver tongue?

When I was young, I had a speech impediment that prohibited me from cowwectly pwouncing my "R's". At this time, my Dad was applying for a software sales job at Word Perfect. We were living in Arizona so he sent in a video for the initial interview (Bachelorette Style). The video complimented his resume by saying, "Hey, I'm charasmatic and likable!" To show his sense if humor and family-centered personality, he ended with a shot of his oldest daughter saying enthusiastically, "My Daddy Wants to Wowk for Wowd Pewfect Wwwwweally Bad."

We laughed about that for years and my dad would facetiously give me credit for the subsequent job offer and move to Texas. I am now realizing that really this was the beginning of me getting away with saying ridiculous things and still maintaining my street cred.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


I'm loving this adorable picture of Kyria, Nikka and Myself.

Friday, June 10, 2011

miss you

I couldn't remember how we embraced. Did we hug when I walked in the door like I do to everyone now, or did that come about because you left and I need affection on all sides? I asked mom and she spoke about your "bear hugs" but I don't remember. I don't really want to hear that. I want to figure it out on my own. I want to keep my memories together and if they are inaccurate please don't tell me because memories aren't tangible and if they were I would lock them up. I don't mean to sound so... however, I am sounding. I just don't want to think about this anymore.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Maybe then we will remember to slow down at all our favorite parts...

My life is not hard. In fact, it is great compared to so others. I know that people think this about me and I'm here to say I agree.

Sometimes, however, life hurts. Today, my heart hurts because I feel physical pain as a result of emotional pain. Perhaps this is because I enjoy my life so much and so often that any deviation from my normal serendipity and joy abrupts in such a way that emotional pain does not suffice..

A rainy day in San Diego hurts worse than a rainy day in Portland.

Monday, June 6, 2011

this is about me

Listening to: Time's A Wastin' by Johny Cash and June Carter
Feeling: hot. i think my air conditioning is taking a vacation
Craving: silly love and ice cream

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Fake it til you make it. Or until everyone believes you and stops asking questions.

My mom tells stories of the home she grew up in. Full of love and strong personalities and swapped maternal roles and store bought dinners. I believe her, but to me, Grandmas home was magical. So close to the beach that it smelt like salt water. Windows and doors open, classical music playing. There was a closet of shoes and endless Tic Tac boxes all over the place. There was a little hideaway above the garage and I never knew if it was called the "craft" or "crap" room. I just avoided saying either for fear of being wrong. She had a freezer outside with ice cream and a plum tree in the backyard. It could sleep 100 people easily. There was a room devoted to music and another devoted to tacky furniture. It was my home when Texas wasn't and it was where my mom scraped her knee and brought my dad to meet the family and the address she had memorized. It was her home so it was mine too.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

wake up call

Woke up today and my body was yelling at me. I hate when it does that. Resting is not my strong point. So long as I take something, blog, and have the television on, I can relax. I hate that my health is based off the amount of sleep I get. I also hate that the amount of sleep I get is based on my anxiety. All in all, time for these habits to change.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I'll Be Superstitious For Today

Here is my future, courtesy of Kyria and Rachel. There was some kind of code that was about as accurate as MASH in 4th grade is proving to be... The left column, however, represents happy joy love money with my favorite person in the world so I am apt to believe them for this game.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Jim Croce Songs

I think I was the only person in the fifth grade who knew every word to American Pie and Don't Mess Around With Jim. This was with purpose. While all my other friends were being polluted by Shaggy (banging on the bathroom [door] was the Dial home version), I was learning what Dirges were and not to spit in the wind.

So grateful for those Saturdays at the lake, burning in the sun and snacking on a lunch we had packed, memorizing the words to old songs. There was a story to every song- and most stories ended with, "and that's why you don't play with fire."

Monday, May 23, 2011

Another Day at 2.0

I saw my mother today for the first time in 5 days today. The first thing she said I cannot repeat. The second thing she said is we need to get the black heads off our noses. Next, she asked if I would be here to help dig the trench. I tend to answer in the affirmative always, so I cancelled my Monday night DVD in bed plans, and committed. For the next 30 minutes as I am filling her in on the conversational, uncomplicated details about my life (hair, nails, bread) there was a constant reminder of this trench that was in our future. She said she needed it to fix the Internet and that it was important I help because it was the big Family Night activity.

I began to relay the history of manual labor in our family; laying slate tile at 14, shoveling sand on Christmas at 16, walking uphill both ways in the snow without shoes, etc... Nikka gave me pity. We laughed, we cried, I expressed jealousy of Nikka for being raised on the tail end of the Dial day labor organization. To prove she can hold her own she said "Okay, Mom, tell me the details of this 'trench' so we can get started."

Mom: "It needs to be at least 3...... inches deep."

Four people looked at her in amazement. Nikka said, "Alright, let's go dig our bird bath."

Wednesday, May 18, 2011



My dear sweet mother texted me yesterday and said " 'Scoggin500 :) :) :)' WHAT DOES THIS MEAN".
I texted back the word happy, because that's how I feel.


Kyria texted me today and said "Is this a joke? If so you should really hash tag it."
That's right. The unlearned knows what a hash tag is.


A restaurant here in Austin texted me a picture of a too small wheat bun. And I cared. No, not just cared, I made a fuss about it. This is the point where my job gets into my blood.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Welcome To The Bread Business

At what age do adults stop asking, "What time do you get off?"...

Like a job is just something that begins and ends. This ain't Jamba Juice, this is my life.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Don't Count The Miles

I still remember the feeling I had the first time I heard Ingrid Michaelson sing. I was in New York City on vacation. I was on a treadmill in my hotel and she was on Regis and Kelly. I stopped the run because I was blown away. It wasn't anything remarkable, it was, however, fresh. I wondered why no one had thought of her songs before her.

That's the same feeling I'm having listening to Christina Perri. You've heard her song "Jar of Hearts". What you haven't heard is the versatility of her music on the full album. Download "Miles", "Bang, Bang, Bang", and the "Arms" video.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Welcome To The Bread Business

At what age do adults stop asking, "What time do you get off?"...

Like a job is just something that begins and ends. This ain't Jamba Juice, this is my life.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Dear Mom,

Here is your only sneak peek.

Looks like you'll have to come over to see the finished product.



Sunday, May 8, 2011

I'm The Hero Of This Story

Learning an important lesson of humility this weekend. I don't know why it took so long to recognize that the world doesn't stop because I ask it to. Thank you to Regina Spektor, a frustrating coworker, and an honest man for teaching me this lesson.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Today I Want To Wear A Sign That Says

"Because I'm ELYSE MIKEL DIAL, that's why!!"

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Sitting in a meeting today with more women than I've interacted with my entire time in my career; 5. 20 men. Pardon as I generalize.

Men like to be right. Women like to be heard. Men say it once and assume that will suffice. Women beat the horse dead and then bring it up twice more. Men are right- Women are emotionally driven. Women are right- Men are simple minded. Is one better? No. Do Women complicate everything? Yes.

Don't badger the generalization. Embrace the candor.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

For Dessert I Got A Stomach Ache

Every other time I see my mom she comments on an alleged figure reduction. I try to ignore it but enough is enough.

I am confessing. For dinner I had old Peeps and sour patch kids and washed it down with a milk shake.

I couldn't hold it in any longer, Mom. I eat like a child and now it's out for everyone to see.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Focus On One Spot And Breathe

I have moved 13 times since 2004. Saturday marks the 14th. Don't believe me? Neither did I, I re-counted 4 times.

Each move brings the same internal conversation.

"Because you chose this, you idiot. You said you needed a change. You wanted new furniture and a new bed and new setting. You wanted a new view and you wanted to spend a nasty amount of money buying things for a new place you will move from in a blink."
"Oh, right."

I am freakkkkking out.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

It was just he and I at the lake. Standard operation. He backs the trailer in and I drive the boat off. I was 20 and he thought it was well part of my maturation to know how to pull a boat trailer. He suggested I take over. "Just swing wide," he said.

I went wide alright. So wide, in fact, that I somehow clipped the side of a dumpster with the passenger side of the trailer and drug it 8 feet.

It caused damage. It cost money to repair. It took maneuvering to get the boat back on the trailer. And as I apologized to my dad, he told me I was better prepared than before. His compassion for my imperfections trickled into every experience we had. He isn't hasty and quick to blame like men are want to be. He sees me as extremely capable and is surprised anytime I failed.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Me me me memememeMeeeme

Being young and single and having sole access to a bank account and cooking (reheating) for one is a strange thing. So is sleeping alone in a bed built for two and planning weekends in Houston by myself and entertaining myself in the middle of the night. It's abnormal actually. Narcissistic.

This thought derived from the most self absorbed thought I think I've ever had. While looking at my blog stats I thought, "wow, that's how many people did something good today by reading what I have to say." Dear Me, REALLY?!? You equate people reading this website to doing something good for the humanity? Maybe if it was full of quotes from Martin Luther King and President Monson... Yeah. But Drake and Taylor Swift? No.

I have an outlet and a sharp mind and I choose to talk about yoga and bread and my hair and my dad and my relationships. I need a reality check and a slap in the face.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Girl, you deserve nothing but the best

Today was a premium reminder that stress, worry, fear, and over consumption are all futile. I was reminded of a lesson I've been learning, a song I've been singing, a soap box I've had both feet on for years.

Everything Will Be Alright. Not some things. Not the easy things. EVERYTHING. And now I have the Killers song stuck in my head. And also a Jesse McCartney song. Because multitasking is my mind's favorite trick.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I had a dream

I was watching you from afar. I felt close enough to touch, but you couldn't see me. I stayed quiet in case you heard me. I was watching your thoughts and they were all about me. I was confused about the distance. I didn't know how it changed so dramatically. I was scared to be so far.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Real Talk

Because deep down we really just want someone to tell our secrets to and listen and laugh at the same things and have the same sleep schedule, but we don't want to feel that pain in your gut when you're not sure.

We want to be humble and happy but we don't want to have to change or sacrifice.

We don't want to be the only one left alone but we don't want to be the one to stand up, give up our habits, cook dinner, share the remote and forgive repeatedly.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Smell Of Unscented Hand Soap

When I was 8 years old, my best friend got a headache. We were playing at my house and she had to lay on the couch with a wet rag to wait until her mom could pick her up.

6 hours later I was visiting her in the hospital after she had suffered a stroke leaving the left side of her body immobile. I remember seeing her family very concerned. I remember the hospital room was bigger than in the movies. Bigger than the room I visited my mother in 2 years prior when Nikka was born. I remember everyone sent flowers and balloons and the room was pugent. The scents didn't match and it bothered me.

She lay there so helpless. I felt so helpless. I just sat and watched her. She was a completely different person. To explain a stroke my parents used the example of my Nana, who suffered the same fatality. I couldn't associate my best friend with my Nana. So she will become Cranky and fragile? 8 years old. I couldn't wrap my small mind around sickness, death, mortality. So young and niave. Tragedy is so abnormal to me. Something that effects other people. Something I shouldn't have to spend time with.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Random Thoughts

Music doesn't help. Work doesn't help. Yoga helps but it's only 70 minutes. Family helps but they have lives. Speaking at church on Sunday. The only thing I have planned so far is the title; Life Is Hard. I want to be gone this weekend but I have commitments. I'm feeling very nonjudgmental today. Except I feel irritated at people who are judgmental so that is wrong. Where will I live? What's for breakfast? How is it the middle of April? If the weather was bad I wouldn't be okay. Luckily April in Texas is heavenly.

Small talk. Work and the weather.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Can't stop thinking about that day. So normal. Chipotle for lunch. Wore black and brown to be defiant. The look on my moms face. The tears in my brothers eyes. The way the room spins. It was the closest I've ever been to Hollywood. So dramatic. So awkward. There were dirges playing in my mind. There have been dirges Playing since then

Monday, April 11, 2011


Another Home For Henri. An ABC Family Original Movie starring me and my all white mutt. A tale of a normal girl turned crazy by being awoken at 2 am to scratching and yelping, coming home to half eaten loaves of bread and Crisco packages.

A dog so talented that the only safe place for the chocolate is above the refrigerator... In a safe... From Fort Knox...

So... Anyone interested?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Come. Back.

No one expected anything from me on that day. Everyone expected the repeated panic attacks in my bathroom or in the car or at the service. It was normal on that day. They expected the words out of my mouth to be fake and abrupt. They expected me to not eat anything. No one wondered how I was doing because the answer was evident in my eyes. And in my shoes. And my words. And in what we had just endured. It felt okay to be sad but also to laugh and enjoy the day because it was Saturday and the weather was nice and all my friends and family were together. I wasn't tired because I associated sleeping with being scared and alone which I was avoiding. People kept offering me medicine but I refused because it felt so normal to feel this way. Normal to cry and then laugh and then lose concentration midsentence and to get short of breath while sitting still.

And, today, that behavior is not acceptable.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Suffocating in the Sarcasm

Listening to One and Only by ADELE on repeat. So sappy. Thanks to Miss. Dew for her tweet which reminded me to get the new Adele album which has made it impossible to listen to ANYTHING else for the last week. She is just describing love exactly how I would if I were eloquent. Just the same way that Taylor Swift sings about all her insecurities and speaks to my soul. What happened to me that I am no longer satisfied with a beat, bass, and obscene lyrics?

Friday, April 1, 2011

Friday Tender Mercies

Woke up with clear skin. Miraculously.
Woke up next to Nikka. Miraculously.
Listening to Thank Me Later, which wasn't possible for the past month.
Going back to my second home today; the state of my maturation, the place where my original best friends and my man and my grandma reside.
The sun is back after a 4 day moratorium.
Bought a pair of size 6 pants yesterday.
My dog only ate one cotton ball this morning. Miracle.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

It's not creepy if it's you

I am facebook stalkling myself. Pictures. I smile in every picture so as I look at those pictures I try to recall the actual emotion associated with the smile. There are clues. My surroundings. If the picture was taken in my apartment you know the smile is extremely fake. If it was taken any where near 6th street, you know I am trying to supress something. Other clues, the subjects. If I am with my family the smile is real. If I am wearing black, the smile is fake. If it was taken in October or November chances are I couldn't give you many details. If my eyes are red, it's because I just emerged from my closet. If it's from last weekend the smile is real. If I'm wearing spandex, it's fake. If I'm not smiling, chances are you won't see those pictures up at all. Gotta keep up appearances....

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

and they said SPEAK NOW

I talk too much
Especially about my hair and bread and my relationship

I envy my mom for her youthful eyes and her big house

I want both of my sisters to live in my 800 square foot apartment with me.

I think yoga changed my perspective on exercise and my body

The jovial part of me comes alive at Friday around 3 pm.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

You Weren't Expecting This

Admittedly, I am sitting outside writing this. I usually wrap up my day on the computer and it is just so beautiful that I decided to make all my calls and check my email outside. I am halfway in the shade so the sun is beating on my black shirt but there's still a breeze. I couldn't ask for any better weather for my favorite day of the week. My hair is up which usually makes me a little weary but it is fitting for this day. At any moment I could jump into a pool or the lake. I began thinking about Summer in Texas yesterday and it made me kind of uneasy but then I remembered that for most of the year it is blissful, and only painful for a short time.

Weather changes everything. I can see the reflection of myself in my computer screen and my bronzer is glimmering. I can't get over how great this is. I can't see how anyone could be unhappy. Life is stressful and mind-numbing but sometimes you just need to sit outside in the sun and count your blessings.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Too Much Noise

We hardly ever listened to the radio in the car. There was no time, we had too many conversations to have. Too many thoughts to share. Too many questions and stories. Even on long, early trips to Houston for work, we would talk work or travel, inventions or potential business ideas. I almost feel like the ingenious part of me, the creative-risk taker part of me died with you. I haven't thought about anything like that recently.

I loved seeing you relaxed. Coming over to my apartment to get dinner together and you were early and you would lay down on my couch and tell me a funny story from the drive over. Or when you'd come up and visit me at school and you'd get up at 4 and work 5 hours so by the time I got up all your work was done and we could laugh.

You were so quietly capable. You had no specific talent, just an ability to work hard and get things done. Without you around it's amazing the things that we have to make up for.

You always made me feel loved. You always made me feel protected. Safe. Cared for. Funny. Beautiful. Righteous.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Eclipse Polar Ice Gum. The kind with the annoyingly loud package that is not conducive to a quiet church service. That's what it was today. I saw the package of gum in your office that no one has touched. The package has one piece left. You left it there on a Wednesday morning thinking you would come back the next morning and finish out the package. Unless you knew. I wonder if you had any inkling. Would you have told us if you did? Would it have helped?

I didn't think to take the gum. I felt like if I kept it untouched it would preserve that day and maybe I would wake up and it will be next year and this actually didn't happen. I'm mad at myself that I think like that still.

Controllable Plans

Things to do in the next 5 years:
Own a home
Expand Family Service International
Have a child

3 years:
Run a 10k
Visit Europe
Learn Spanish

3 months:
Grow out my hair
Travel somewhere with Kyria
Learn how to make homemade biscuits

Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Mister and Misses

I am obsessed with Mad Men. A couple months ago I was sick and watched the entire first season and then immediately followed up with the second. Life hit me upside the head with an inability to do anything but work and cry, so I took a bit of a sabbatical.

I have begun again. And this time- Season 3 is even more calmly intense, even more complicated, and even smarter. Mad Men is brilliant because it is brilliant people with some extreme talent, good fortune, and complicated pasts and relationships.

For starters- Don and Betty Draper. Individually they are complicated, confused, successful and beautiful. Together they crave to be blissful but neither is built for that. They are so vulnerable to each other that even after years of marriage they put on a good face. They aren't built for romance because of this vulnerability, so when they let go of that they are uncomfortable but hot. They are smart, charismatic, sleep deprived, stubborn, imperfect... He is adored and she is sought after. They enter a room loudly without making an audible noise. Everyone is watching their next step and not fooled by their act but still envious because inspite of their obvious defects, overt and uncalled for affairs, they are completely, totally, and abidingly in love.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A Four Pill Day

All day I was serious, interested, sharp, poignant, strong, having tough conversations with ease, laughing at the right time, selling my ideas, finding new ways to accomplish tasks. I suppose you could say I was on my grind.

And then 6 oclock happened. I changed from my Oxford shirt and 3 inch heels, put on skinny jeans and stilettos, and hit the mall like a careless teen. Bought a ring because it was shiny and laughed and talked about things that probably won't have any eternal significance. Laughed-- no, giggled. Spoke my mind for 2 straight hours. Whatever I thought is what came out.

The two me's are so opposite. They are both relentless in staying away from eachother. They won't share a warddrobe. They use different phones. One rests and feels and the other one sees that as a weakness. One seeks understanding, accomplishment, and laud, the other wants handbags. One listens to MGMT and the other to Manchester Orchestra. They balance eachother in an odd, deeply functional way. They are both likable and charming and, like any good pair, they are only complete together.

It's exhausting being me.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Wise Men Care

As I woke up this morning to an alarm and brushed my teeth and washed my face, made to do lists in my head, assessed which part of my body was sore from yesterday's workout, thought about what I wanted for breakfast, picked a song to listen to, and got ready for work, I felt an ache to be back to that Island in Mexico where the water looks like the sky and the sand is a white as my skin was 4 days ago.

Then I thought about my reality. My life and my family and my friends and the ability to effectively communicate with vendors when I'm in America. I began to feel extremely grateful for a regimen. I felt grateful for things in life that are consistent. I felt it necessary to acknowledge that I don't handle surprise or lack of planning very well. I like a version of spontaneity that is very controllable.

This is new for me. New for me to not miss home when I'm on vacation and not miss vacation when I'm at home. My Dad often says "Wherever You Are, Be There," and I never understood it until now.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Everyone Has Something To Say

Dear Dad,

You have good advice. The irony of our situation is that you are the most opinionated person I have ever interacted with, but because you know me, and trust me, your opinion is muted. Your opinion is whatever my opinion is. If we disagree, it is in private or with Mom as a buffer. You would never call me out in public. You would never make me feel like I shouldnt be heard or respected.

No one has that art down as well as you do. People are full of unsolicited advice. People are too sensitive. People are wrong. You were right and candid and a communicator.

Miss you,


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Que Sera, Sera

I've been thinking about the silver lining, the bright side of life. Too often I think about the cloud or the dark side because that is what effects us in our immediate situation. Somehow, in hind sight, the most difficult circumstances end up being a blessing.

Let me explain. This originated yesterday when I received a picture message of the birth mom of the most recent addition to [our] family. Her name is Natalie and she is the miracle that reminds us all that God is in control. I looked at the picture my entire drive to work and felt overwhelming joy for this stranger's trials. What I feel bold enough to suggest was the biggest trial, and toughest decision of her life, yielded us a miracle.

Just like a friend who knows the right thing to say because of their struggles, I know there is purpose in every tough day, or week, or year. I feel grateful for my struggles because I know somewhere, someday, the hardest things in my life will bless someone else.

What Will Be, Will Be.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Cry For Attention

My blog stats are down 35%. Am I boring you? Time to cause some trouble and write about it...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Just Thinking

Thinking about the girl that I used to be at 17. She was so niave. She was so friendly. She was so happy. She was so busy planning parties and making friends. I'm imvisioning that if you would have stopped her after 3rd period calculus where she just aced an exam headed to say hello to her friends while texting her boyfriend, it would go a little something like this.

Excuse me miss I’d like to tell you about your life in 6 years. She’d plop her cute little butt down in front of you and compliment your hair-do while waiting for you to speak. She might make a sassy comment and then laugh it off and flip her hair to cover up the second glance she just exchanged with a tall brunette..

And then you would tell her all the painful truths, and all the sweet joys and I think she would ask to stay young forever.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

And I Think To Myself...

What a wonderful world.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What Better Time To Blog Than When I'm Sick, Stressed, And Being Pulled In Every Direction

Mood: Sarcastic, and not very creative.

In August I decided to become a master chef. August is when it started and August is when it ended. I made a delicious dish in which had to take a piece of completely edible raw chicken, took a meat tenderizer mallet and pounded it down. Took it from normal to grotesque with each pound. I almost gave up the dish, in fact, because the chicken was so disgusting. Because of my amateur cooking knowledge, I continued to follow the recipe. Next I took the flat animal and dipped it in basil and flour and egg whites and cooked it on 450 degrees for 35 minutes. I was having boys over for dinner so I was very concerned about my dish. I kept an eye on the oven for the entire 30 minutes and miraculously the end result was an amazingly flavorful, perfectly textured, delicious meal.

As I was speaking with a friend yesterday I kept seeing the meat tenderizer mallet and I felt like that chicken. I was the cook and the meal. I was being pounded and prodded and pulled in every direction until I appeared completely unnecessary. I have yet to reach the part where I douse myself in flower and basil and cook until perfection. But I am looking forward to when the timer in this part of my life goes off and I begin to enjoy the final product.

Matt 6:34

Thursday, February 10, 2011

February in Texas reminds me of being 16.
It sounds like Goodies- by Ciara and Konstantine by Something Corporate
It feels like a hairdo turned down by 60% humidity
It smells like the stage right before rain
It lives for sunny Saturdays and Cloudy Sundays
It craves love and warmth and spring
It looks like ear to ear grins

One More Night

This is a day I would say, "Diddy, let's go to dinner." he would suggest some strange and oddly delicious restaurant and we would talk shop, Mexico, and dating. I would laugh at his jokes and puns he didn't know were funny. He would tell some stories from when he worked in Corporate America. He would ask about yoga. He would express how proud he is. He would make sure I'm living my life right. He would suggest things for me to do with my calling. He would pick up the bill and silence his phone. He would get irritated at me for texting. He would ask how many kids I could have and still keep my job. We would talk about how much we will wakeboard this summer. He would want to plan a trip to Utah to visit Kyria and go snowboarding. He would turn off the radio and just listen to me as I expressed my emotions about my current situation. He would say, "Babe, why do you worry? Work hard. Make the right choices. Pray. Everything will work out." I would cry because I love him so much. I would ask if we could get yogurt because I didn't want it to end. Dessert would be straight laughs and light hearted conversation. I'd listen to the same stories I'd heard a million times about him courting my mom and love them just the same. I'd go home and take it for granted like he'd always be there to buy dinner and make laugh.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


We've been in exactly two fights. One was about pizza, the other about the dumbest game on earth called Monopoly Deal. I, of course, started both of them. What both fight boiled down to..... I Miss You (Didnt even need therapy to figure that one out.)

Meet Kyria. The girl who's stilletoes I am not worthy to shine. She is rambunctious, beloved, determined, hilarious, and sassy. Our friendship began in high school when she proved to be good enough company to bring around my friends. Then again in college when we lived together and she was forced to grow up too fast and learn what emotions look like. People LOVE her. I repeat, people LOVE her. Kids love her, adults love her, grown men, young boys, people I am trying to date.. Everyone loves Kyria. I have never met a person who meant her and said, "ew".

She loves horses and chocolate desserts and repetition and exercise and spicy sushi. She used to sleep in a 3 foot space by choice. She sees the world as she should, real and flawed but beautiful. She's vulnerable and not easily persuaded. She smells like Japanese Cherry Blossoms. I envy the man who she will take care of tenderly and the children who get to be hers.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


Dear Complexion- thank you for acting your age, not Lebron James' shoe size.

Dear Henri- Stop whining.

Dear Tax Return- I cannot wait to introduce you to Coco Chanel and Christian Louboutin. I think you will be great friends.

Dear Warm Weather- please never leave me.

Dear Dad- I love you.

Dear Mother-Nature-In-Charge-Of-Utah- please send a blizzard that will force everyone to move south.

Dear Right Knee- you're too young to start feeling like this. I need you to hang in there for me a couple more years.

Xoxo, EMD

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Lessons I Learned This Week

Don't mix your happy meds with Diet Coke.

Tell people your secrets. It solidifies them and connects you to the world.

23 degrees is too cold. 23 years is too few.

Strangers are often more understanding than friends.

Friends are better than anything.

Snow is magical in Utah. In Texas it causes havoc and people buy a lot of bread.


Meet Jennifer. Also known as Jenna, or Mom because she hates when call her by her first name.

Last week I had a conversation with her that left me laughing long enough to tweet and write this post. We were speaking of a certain new suitor who she scoped out in my ward and then dared me to marry. I took the challenge, of course. Kyria spilled that I was with him one night and she called me the next day and said, "You know the feeling when you walk into Target and your heart skips a beat? That's the feeling I kept having knowing you were in the same room as him."

I laughed for a good 45 seconds. I do feel a bit like Regina George in Mean Girls as her mother professes, "I'm a cool mom." The only difference is that she is so young as far as young adult mothers go, that she really can hang with the girls.

She is smart, talented, motivated and grounded. She thinks with her heart and therefore offers a counter perspective to my tactful decision making. She sleeps in the most comfortable bed known to mankind. She loves having us around but craves solitude and relaxation.

I inherited from her my height, my motivation, my ability to see things how they really are, my love for my father, and my anxiety. She is funny, outgoing, and beloved by all. She likes dramatic television, talk shows, and big city travels. I will never forget the one time in college we met in New York City for the weekend and shopped and saw a million shows and ate delicious food and laughed.

She is who's approval I seek. She is who I pray for. She is who I wish to see as often as possible.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Dating used to mean fun, flirty, buy new jeans, wake up with text messages, smelling lovely and accepting daily compliments.

Now dating means explaining why I work so much and the pill bottles that I don't hide well and the standing Tuesday appointment and why yoga is a mandatory activity. If it weren't for my charming sense of humor and pretty hair I would be a lost cause.

(As I click "Publish" I am counting the seconds until my mother texts me and says, "YOU KNOW PEOPLE READ YOUR BLOG, RIGHT!?!")

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I Feel It All

I had so many questions. The pain was masked by curiosity. Where? Why? What do I do? I remember asking anyone who would listen what they thought I should do. My real friends told me to calm down and breathe. My family went to Martins Cove. The house that Dad built. We sat together as 30 of our closest friends watched my mother puke into a glass bowl, watched my brothers lie face down on the cement floor, watched as I demolished a pint of ice cream.

That night we slept in a foreign bed in a foreign room. I needed something strange so I wouldn't have any associations to this feeling. I wept with my sisters. We talked about forever. We talked about God's plan of salvation. Nikka told us how it happened. We felt Him watching us. Wanting to reach out to us. Missing us just the same.

The next day came the friends. The families. The news stations. The food. Everyone asked how we were. We still laugh about that question. How do you think? I called my friends who I needed there. I repulsed food. I showered 3 times a day. I forgave previous foes. I refused dreams. I took medicine. I laughed with Lauren. I don't remember much of the two days after. Except that I wanted to laugh and I wanted honesty.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Gotta let this out

I am so grateful and happy and optimistic and empowered Thursday thru Sunday. Feeling great. Having fun. Loving it all.

And then something happens. It's called Monday morning. something about Monday morning eats my empowerment. Can I do this? Where are the carbs? I need more sleep. It's so funny how my moods change so dramatically in a matter of 12 hours. I strive to be more consistent and feel a steady stream of joy and excitement about everything, even the things I struggle at. Imagine if my Friday night mood carried over to my Monday meetings. They would be in for a TREAT.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Meet Justin

He thinks I'm crazy. I trust Him because he shares the painful truths of life effortlessly. He's obsessed with His family, Facebook, and football games. He knows more than he wants people to believe.

I think Nikka said it best the first time she met Him:

"Justin is rude. Like, really rude. And yet He is still really kind and likable. How does he DO that!?"

He appreciates small gestures of kindness. He takes rap music more serious that the general listening public. If he didn't focus on the future so much he would marry a model and live a lavish life. I'm grateful he isn't. He acts wisely. Not easily persuaded. Funny. Very funny. Simple. The amount of stories he can tell would usually only come from someone twice his age, but he doesn't share that with just anyone, not even me.

The only problem with Justin is that he is similar to me in the worst ways possible: Stubborn, Vain, Pragmatic. The first time I met Him it annoyed me that He was wearing basketball shorts and purposefully not paying me attention. That experience describes our relationship since that day.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Pure Sap

Until Wednesday, Katie's middle of the night call to Hubbel in The Way We Were was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard. Now it is this description of President Monson's wife;

"She has packed his bag for every trip he's taken, she has fixed his breakfast every day, even if its meant being up at 4:30 am so he could be off"

Can I be selfless for 5 seconds and think about someone else? We will see.

Monday, January 17, 2011

That Day: Part Two

All it took was the look on my Mom's face. I had never seen this fake of a smile on her. Then I looked at Joseph, I had never seen him emotional like that. I looked at Luke, he was hanging onto my mom like he might lose her, too. I couldn't look Nikka in the eye. I scanned the small group of men overlooking and our good friends. Everyone believed it. If you're in a room where everyone knows a secret, but won't say it out loud., does that mean it's not true? These are people I trust with my life. I wanted to not believe them, but slowly the reality hit. My breath escaped me. All of a sudden the most simple task of sitting down and taking in Oxygen caused me extreme pain. So much pain. My feet still hurt. I think I was getting blisters. Does Kyria know? She won't be able to breath. She has asthma. She needs to breath. "SOMEONE TELL KYRIA TO BREATH!" They say she doesn't know yet. Don't tell her. Please don't tell her.

Then I'm outside. My voice has escaped me. I'm shouting. Making noises that I can't make out. I feel 20 people watching me. I can't stop. I'm yelling. Kicking the air. My phone keeps ringing. I throw it on the ground. Nikka comes out with a bag. She tells me to breath. I forgot how. I feel it all over.

The only thing I remembered how to do in that moment was to pray. I tried to pray aloud but I was still screaming. So as my voice is running my heart is petitioning. I couldn't pray for myself, I didn't have that kind of faith yet. I prayed for my mom. I prayed for my brothers. I prayed that Kyria would breathe. I made a promise to not blame God. They said it was time to come back inside. I did what I was told. I held my family. Everyone hurt so bad. We felt it all together and in every inch of my body. I decided to breathe again.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


Meet Nikka.

The other Pointy nose, pointy chin, blonde hair girl in those family pictures. She pretends to dislike Cheesecake except when she's with me. She loves watching me shop. She doesn't kick OR talk in her sleep. I'm worried about her because she is too much like me, but I know she will be great because she's enough of herself. She's not jealous, needy, or boring. She's mature enough to bring her around my friends, but immature enough to be loved by everyone. She thinks I'm crazy. She sleeps in.

The list of boyfriends who've loved her more than I is embarrassingly long. I should have been worried. Especially about that beautiful, tall man and every time we went shopping he would say, "We should get Nikka something". Leaving him was hard for both of us.

She makes me a better friend. She makes me think clearly. She makes everything okay. She makes the best crepes and peanut butter cookies. She gets sick of me telling her I miss her. She wears my clothes flawlessly. She appreciates leather and fine jewelry.

She let's me talk in the morning because she knows I have to. She forgives effortlessly. One time she told me I was pretty and I believed her. She makes fun of me kindly. She quotes my blog to me. The day she was born I got to skip school and we had Chicken Pot Pie for dinner. That was a good day.

Friday, January 14, 2011

The Day My Life Changed

I have to choose my words carefully. My mother reads this.

I thought it couldn't get better. I had just documented in my blog that I was so content with my life because I had so much ahead of me and the possibilities were endless. I didn't know what the future would hold and that was exhilarating. After work I stopped by the store to get something for dinner.I wanted to make homemade salsa. I remember my feet hurting. My heels were high and I'd been on my feet all day. I needed to feed the dog.

My mom called. She asked me to come home, it was important. I told her there would be traffic, I would come later. She calmly mentioned an accident. I thought about abandoning my grocery cart but I had let myself pick out a pint of Ice Cream and I was not giving that up. I took my time strolling through the store. I had a song stuck in my head.

I unloaded the groceries into my apartment. I took two trips instead of one, so not to strain myself. I fed the dog, ate some ice cream, changed my shoes. It was rush hour. I was not looking forward to traffic. But I headed up anyways.

My sister called in a panic. She was worried. I didn't know why. Nothing had happened. Accident. This is Dad. These things happen anytime he goes anywhere. I told her to relax. She told me to hurry. My mom called. She told me not to worry, but to hurry. They were at the hospital, now. I said something sassy. Told her that all of Austin was heading north right now and she would have to be patient. As we said "goodbye", Her voice made a noise I'd never heard. A shiver, a crack. She usually speaks very purposefully, that was the only indication.

I turned up my music loud to drown my racing thoughts.

I arrived at the hospital. More indicators. I recognized a lot of cars. Neighbors, family, friends, my boss. People really know how to overeact. I walked into the hospital and was greeted by a pale-faced friend who grabbed me and walked me like I wouldn't be able to walk on my own. I felt hurt. I wanted to shake her off because I was fine. Everyone was overreacting.