Saturday, April 26, 2008

the only constant is change

i find myself become more and more detached as i grow old. among other things, i attribute this to the fact that for the last couple of years my life has been in transit. new people, new places, new mindsets, broken up in four month periods- fall, winter, summer. fall, winter, summer. i don't latch on because i know everything will change in a few short months.

helen keller said, “security is mostly a superstition. it does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

security for me is attained when i have conquered something. when i feel as though i am in ultimate control; no one can fool me, and i have life figured out. right now, i am excited by the thought that i left the place i call home, to come to a place i once called home, a new city to conquer. or rather, an old city i've already conquered but need to reconquer. because the last time i was here i was different. and i had long hair.

it's possible i am scared and frustrated and want things to go back to normal. it's possible that i do this to myself. it's possible that i feel the need to disrupt an invariable life and make waves. perhaps i am just unsatisfied and bored.

OR perhaps i love change. i embrace change. i use this as an opportunity to learn and grow. i adapt and mature and face whatever lies in store.

either way i will get by.

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