Saturday, October 22, 2011

admitting emotional limitations

Yesterday, I got to work 15 minutes early and I was worried that I was late. I wore blue and I wanted to wear red. I curled my hair and I wanted it straight. I couldn't remember how I had arranged my pillows and I wanted to go home and make sure they were perfect. You know, Normal feelings for a normal morning.

Walking to my desk, I stopped by the supply closet and grabbed these.

Half an hour later it had successfully turned into this.

The significance of this is that about 6 months ago my security blanket was a ball of rubber bands that I carried in my purse and pulled out while I was reducing my dependancy on medication. I have distint memories of being at dinner with friends or church or work or even driving around and there being rubber bands all over my lap because I was stressed for no reason.

One time, my therapist was trying to understand this and she asked when I felt the most anxious. The answer shocked both of us. Friday afternoons around 4:30 and Sundays. You know, the time of week when the rest of the world is feeling good. BREAKTHROUGH.

She then inquired about my dosage and I said, don't worry, I just bought a new package of rubber bands.

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