in the morning i'm leaving, making my way back to cleveland

I really don't like country. It's like depressing and sad and romantic and makes way too much sense in my world of chaos. Zac told me yesterday that when I get married I will appreciate country because it represents a slower lifestyle. He said the music I listen to is rushed and impetuous, just like my life (of course he didn't use that word because... well let's get real). To an extent, I agree with his idea. I listen to country when I want to slow down and make a decision or think clearly. I listen to rap when I want to distract myself. Most of the time I just listen to something that makes me feel better. Today: it's country. Don't ask me why because I'm not making any decisions, but WHO KNOWS I might surprise EVERYONE and be DECISIVE!!

Anyways, I have been thinking about this impetuous lifestyle that I seem to have. The past few months have been a string of "HURRY ELYSE THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ____!!!" The blank is filled with an assortment of menial, rushed tasks from dating boys who I have a short time with, to taking job opportunities, to eating a piece of chocolate sitting between Kyria and I on the table (Dial Family Motto-"If you don't eat fast, YOU DON'T EAT!!!"). But, I don't like rushing myself. I like slow. I crave slow.

Along this line, today, I met Preston's wife for the first time. I didn't know Preston and Amanda as a single couple, but I can imagine. Each time I come in contact with a newlywed couple I pay close attention to their aura, for a couple of reasons. First of all, marriage is astounding to me. It is a mystery- a sweet, confusing mystery. It seems so far off I hardly give it any thought. I thought about it today because of a trend I see in Preston, Amanda, Rachel, Liz, Nicole, and other people close to me that I have watched make the switch from regular music to country music, so-to-speak. There now emanates from them a quiet confidence. Like, they've been underwater for years and are finally coming up for breath. But while underwater they grew up and learned a new way they breathe. They are thorough and steady. They are calm. Maybe it's the sexual frustration of Mormon kids that starts at age 12 and continues until long awaited matrimony when all of a sudden you can eat the chocolate cake you've been dabbing at for what seems like ages.

Or maybe it's the awakening that they have finally made a decision. They figured something out! There's a certain peace in the realization that you have chosen a path, and that the consequences of that path are yours and yours alone. Criticizing desists. You venture down the road less traveled. It is hard and confusing and winding, but subsequently placid and calm. Like a slow and steady country song.

There's a beginning, middle, end. Take a deep breath. Repeat.