...like a brick is sitting on your chest

I was on Linkedin the other day and reconnected with a couple of my colleagues from Bimbo. It felt like the first time I got on Facebook after high school- I was giddy with nostalgia. I was only at BBU for a year, but it felt like forever. Perhaps this was because I worked the equivalent of 18 months during that year.

My time in the bread business seems like a huge part of my life, and in many ways it was. As I was reconnecting with the executives I am fortunate enough to consider friends, I started to miss that life. I felt so in control of my future. I felt like I knew exactly where my career was going. I felt appreciated by most of the people around me and I felt like everyone wanted to see me succeed.

Here's the truth:
I did feel in control of my future- but not my emotions or habits or relationships.
I did know exactly where my career was going- a place that was not conducive to family or kids or balance.
I did feel like everyone wanted to see me succeed- but at what cost?

Let me be clear- my job was my saving grace during that time. I didn't have time to address my limitations because I was too busy trying to be perfect in the way that I thought was important. I hadn't yet learned how to separate my job from my life so my job was my life. I internalized everything. Rather than accepting small, imminent hurdles that I considered defeat, I took everything personally and let it paralyze me for hours or days at a time. I loved the rush that came on the good days and the ability to spend and do whatever I wanted. But I also love trips with my family and friends, leaving the office by 6 o'clock on Friday and not thinking about it again until Monday, and being able to think about something besides bread.