Tales of a Beautiful Nomad

There's a large part of my mind that believes that I only need a job to pay for my personal trainer, I only need a husband to pay for plastic surgery, I only need children to dress them in Burberry and I only need to live in Utah so I can wear fur to church. I try to fight that woman with her shallow desires. She costs a lot and doesn't eat very much.

Shingles

Remind me later to tell you about all the insane things going on in my life. In the meantime, a good Laugh for your monday morning.

Tainted

So your smile is already a little hard to muster and you go to your happy place and there's your ex boyfriend shopping accessories by himself but undoubtedly shopping for his wife. You have to avoid the section because the last conversation y'all had ended with him crying and you checking the time and so, to maintain my reputation, oh and dignity, I go to shoes.

What's he buying her? Gosh, I hope it's her birthday because if he's buying her one of those "I-Just-Wanted-To-Show-You-How-Much-I-Love-You-On-A-Saturday-Afternoon" gifts, I might just melt to stone.

Just, Like, Take a Look Mate

Remember my best friend in the whole world?

Remember how she's the hottest thing in the whole world?

My Weekend

There were tears. There were fights. There was laughing. And no matter what is happening in our lives, we feel okay.

Perspective

If you've recently quit your career because you didn't like the person you were becoming and you're looking for validation as to why you would need to do that, go see the new Sarah Jessica Parker movie.

Overcome

I originally wrote this post on August 17th but felt like it was an over-share. Then, today, I was reading my last entry about my dad and realized how contrived it felt, knowing what I really wanted to say and knowing that I'd already written it but was embarrassed. This is the honest truth:

Yesterday I spent most of my energy thinking about my dad. As we approach the month in which we lost him, I find myself feeling like time has flown.

I know how most people view death, so let me clarify- this is a positive post. I very rarely have sad thoughts about my Dad. There's rarely a day when I sit down and ask myself "Why?". Generally, and yesterday was no exception, I felt grateful for my strength, grateful for my mom, grateful for friends who have not known what to say and stayed silent but stayed present.

I feel like I have dealt like many would. I have taken medication, I have turned to the Lord, I have slept in and eaten twinkies and gained weight and lost weight and fought and cried and shut people out and let them back in and shared my thoughts and swore while no one was around and swore while people were around and moved and changed and evolved and tried to forget and tried to remember... And now I'm breathing.

I'm sure there will continue to be pain. I don't expect to ever "get over" this. I tried that, and I ended up avoiding my reality. Instead, I acknowledge that I will always have this as a battle scar. I surround myself with people who do not judge or misunderstand my grief or suffering.

I, just like you, was dealt cards that are hard enough so I can struggle, but easy enough that I have the chance to win.

Pardon My French

I ran into a friend recently who I haven't seen for some time. She asked how my family was doing since my Dad's passing. "Isn't the year mark coming up?", she asked. I looked down at my wrist as though my watch would say "September 15" or "Not September 15". "Yeah, it's coming up," I responded, as though she had reminded me. "Aw." I was impressed at how I maintained my composure. I was able to let her believe she had reminded me. I won't be here. I will have my head in the clouds. I've kept it together for 365 days. Kept it together for my job, my family, my relationship. I deserve that day.