life ain't always what you think it should be

I believe in a plan that extends beyond what we see in our immediate presence. I believe that death is part of a plan that was constructed long ago by a loving Heavenly Father who knows a lot more about the importance of this step than I could ever hope to. I believe in life after death.

The great paradox of life is that, even with all my beliefs, I can't help but be sad that my grandmother; the strongest, funniest, tallest, most beautiful woman I have ever met, has passed from the life I live in. The life where I get to see her with my mortal eyes and hear her with my mortal ears.

I'm worried. I'm worried about my mom. I'm worried about my younger siblings who didn't know her like I did. I'm worried about her friends and family who don't believe in the things I do. Where do they find their peace? Where do they get their closure? Will this make them believe?

She had a special relationship with everyone she met. So many people will grieve her death because so many people considered her their best friend. She could talk to someone for 20 minutes and make them feel like they were understood, that they had just made a friend for life.

I am so grateful to have so many examples of incredibly kind and strong women in my life. My hope is that instead of mourning the loss, I will be able to spend my time becoming the person I want to be; a person that is more like her.

everything is precious

...that's what's in my mind today

a note to my sisters, my daughters, and myself

Yesterday I was discussing "The List" with one of my coworkers. You know, "The List" that every woman has in her mind (the more vigilant ones have it in writing) that says what they will not put up with. On hers, "chewers of green gum". A little cray, but you know what- more power to you woman. If you want to create non- negotiables, go ahead, and be picky: Don't settle.

I find myself craving, and, more often than not, achieving, solitude. So many times I fight the feeling "I just want to be alone" because I've made committments like being a good friend or being a star employee. It used to be a scary feeling for me because I would think 'will i ever NOT want to be alone' which leads to thoughts of 'will I always be alone?' and 'will I ever get married?'. Not rational except for the fact that most of my relationships had been laced with a variable loss of self awareness and personal security, so you can't blame me. Until, one time I was with a man and I experienced the feeling of not wanting to be alone, I wanted to be with him. The empowerment, the peace, and the self confidence I felt while I was alone was still there when he was around, so that even in our demise i gained something from him that I cherish as an invaluable lesson; Don't settle.

Also, I like to travel. I like to eat 3 bites of an expensive meal. I like my rap loud and meaninful- unless my mood changes; then I like it slow and romantic. I like to go to bed late and wake up early. I like to wear 5 inch heels to the park. I like to sit and listen to the wind. I like to do everything that I like to do at the moment I want to do it : Dont settle.

what a difference a day makes

this time yesterday i was tired

this time last week i was worried

this time last month i was in a different State

this time last season i was hopeful

this time last year i was hopelessly in love

what a difference a day makes.

We Were Both Young When I First Saw You

I can count on less than one hand how many times I've fallen in love. In fact, I can't really count considering once love ends it almost feels like it didn't happen. It's like, you spend time so much time trying to forget that it actually works. In hindsight, I'm grateful for the opportunities to get to know and love myself through others. I appreciate my ability to see the potential in someone else, and someone else's ability to love me inspite of all the Elyse-ness that happens.

In a time when I find myself craving solitude, I can't help but be grateful, because that craving means that I get to experience it all.

summer wish list

take a weekend getaway

visit Rodney and Kylee in NYC

attend the twilight concert series at Liberty Park

run up Capital Hill 15 times

go camping

hike 30+ times

happy day, friends.

Always thinking

Better today than yesterday

Cant' sleep without a dream