the next step

i know how to shop. boy do i know how to shop. i know how to put a charge on my nordstrom card like it's nobody's business.  i know how to run and sleep by myself or with whoever i want and wear outrageous clothes that you would think were hot and listen to sad music and sleep in and check my phone all the time. i know how to make myself dinner and watch gilmore girls and hang out with friends who won't ask to talk about it. i know how to move to a different city and act like i am fine and grow my hair out so you won't recognize me. 

i don't know how to forget and not talk to you or get rid of the things you bought me and get new. i don't know how to hold a grudge or listen to people when they say to hate you. i don't know how to ignore your text messages. i don't know how to stop worrying about if you're sleeping well and who's next to you and wonder what you're thinking about. i didn't know what to do when i was walking away but didn't want to.  

Happy New Year.