Tuesday, July 29, 2008

i can bend and not break

Adults are messy and responsible and distant and busy and perfect and satisfied and committed. Adulthood is scary and full of W-9s and Atkins Diets and mortgages.

I'm afraid of all of those things- especially cutting out the carbs..

Adults see their siblings on holidays and see their parents even less often. Adults face rainy days without fear. They clear their head and make decisions. They raise children, and watch foodTV and go to bed at 9. I watch The Hills, don't make decisions and blog about it, and, since 2001, have made it a point to stay up til at least 1 a.m. Not to mention any child that turns out like me should fear for their sanity.

Somehow, despite my best avoidance techniques I find myself on the home stretch of the grey area in between teenhood and adulthood- filing taxes, paying bills, contemplating decisions I am nowhere near ready for and sacrificing my relationships for adult endeavours. I've surprised myself with the poise with which I've handled this gap.

Correction: I've surprised myself with the quasi-poise in which I've convinced everyone around me that I am a whole person with whole goals and desires. Really I am broken and estranged and an eagle in sheep's clothing. Just bend the pieces 'til they fit, baby.

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