Tuesday, July 8, 2008

note to self:

Aside from not living up to expectations, the hardest feat we will face in this life is letting go. Letting go of pride, sadness, destructive habits, or interactions. Some deal with letting go by creating ties all over, so they will always have someone or something to hold onto. Others shut the world off completely, cut right at the root.

As usual, I have my own way of doing things. I just don't let go, not for the long term at least. When attempting this, I will go through a complete detox process, stick it through the hard part, and then, like a dog to it's vomit, return to the habit, person, or trial.

When you don't let go, you avoid the pain of loss, which is most of the appeal. What is forfeited, however, is the glorious strength of overcoming. The prospect of a lucid heart and mind; free from sadness or pain or unneeded ties.

P.s. "She leaves and I'm alone and I'm surprised to be here and part of me is relieved and part of me is disappointed and part of me is confused and I don't know what I'm going to do. I can either leave or stay. I can either leave or stay? Leaving means going back to addiction and facing either death or Jail. Staying means leaving addiction and facing something that is unknown to me. I'm not sure which scares me more." James Frey

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